In January, one of my goals for this year was to come up with a mission statement. I completed my first draft by mid-January, but because it was so long (as well as semi-organized and intense in certain spots) I knew I needed to let it sit and then update it later. In April, I did that again, and I feel a lot more comfortable sharing this here (and certainly not the previous version):
Mission Statements:
I will:
- Not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. (Psalm 118:17)
- Be truthful to who God made me to be.
- Be faithful to the mission(s) God has me on.
- Be faithful to the individual(s) in my life who have proven their character time and time again.
- Learn to discern which human relationships are worth my time and energy.
- Learn to discern which opportunities are worth my time and energy.
- Learn to discern when stress and anger are in danger of arising, and excuse myself from participating, even at the cost of that relationship or opportunity.
- Reserve the right to refuse to respect narcissism or honor narcissists, even if that includes family.
- Reserve the right to refuse relationships with people that refuse to respect me, even if that includes family.
- Reserve the right to back out of commitments that no longer fit my life, even if that includes family.
- Learn how to never get unrighteously angry again.
- Learn how to never get unrighteously stressed again.
- Learn how to never get unrighteously anxious again.
- Protect my peace at all costs.
That last statement underpins much of not only where I’ve been but also what I’ve learned to this point about what really matters. I actually wasn’t going to ever post this, but then I came across the below screenshots via a post on LinkedIn that changed all that:
In short, what I wrote in my mission statement is nothing new in the grand scheme of things. These aren’t unique discoveries. But what is truly sad is that there have been countless people who live their whole lives and die without ever learning this lesson. The reason that this topic features so greatly even in my mission statement’s distilled second version is because it has been such a huge deal (and setback) in my life. But it’s a fight. I remember on some of the men’s weekend retreats I used to go to had what ChatGPT calls a “break-into-the-circle team-building exercise,” which was about teaching folks new to these type of weekend retreats what it would really take to realize the personal growth gains that these events offered to all who attended.
Just for fun, I’m going to also share my discussion with ChatGPT because I could not at all remember the term. Spoiler alert: I’m slightly relieved to know that there isn’t a nice, tidy, memorable, universal term for this type of thing:
There isn’t one universally standardized name for that exact exercise, but it is commonly described as a “break into the circle” or “circle inclusion/exclusion” team-building exercise. In leadership camps, sports teams, youth groups, military-style training environments, and some retreat settings, it may also be called things like:
- Breakthrough Circle
- Circle Challenge
- The Resistance Circle
- Get Into the Circle
- Inclusion Circle Exercise
- Trust Circle Drill
The core concept is usually symbolic rather than competitive:
- the circle represents community, belonging, opportunity, or fellowship;
- the outsider represents someone trying to gain acceptance or overcome adversity;
- the resistance represents life’s obstacles, perseverance, and the effort required to build trust or meaningful relationships.
What you described especially matches exercises used in:
- team-building retreats,
- men’s ministry events,
- leadership development programs,
- athletic bonding exercises,
- and sometimes military or ROTC-style morale training.
One important note: modern facilitators are sometimes cautious with this activity because, depending on how forcefully it is done, it can unintentionally create feelings of exclusion or physical safety concerns. So newer versions often emphasize communication and cooperation rather than brute force.
But in general, if you were trying to describe it to someone, “a break-into-the-circle team-building exercise” would probably be understood immediately.
Anyway, the point is, changing my perspective on emotions is going to require a mental equivalent of breaking into said circle with all my might. There’s a long story that’s not quite fit for this blog as to why I’ve been pro-emotions throughout my life, including the fact that I’ve “always been this way” due to the exact combination of experiences I faced.
The short version as to why I’m only now willing to reconsider, is that once again, life priorities have shifted. With a wonderful wife and independent life in tow, the matter of my legacy is starting to come into focus. And especially if I’m going to claim salvation in Jesus Christ, then I have to also find ways to spread the Gospel. My career development hasn’t gone anywhere close to the way I expected and hoped (nonetheless, God has still provided the whole time!). The stall in my career has been due to life not having allowed me the headspace to really think about it clearly, really until the last year or so (and even then, it’s still slow). I survived by operating on one of two tracks: 1.) music, and 2.) I’ll take whatever job they give me, just let me stay there 40 years and then collect my retirement afterward. Each of those paths have blessings and pitfalls. But now, it seems there could be a third path, and it’s still (very) slowly coming into focus.
Nonetheless, for me to get very far in anything, protecting my peace is of the utmost priority. I wish I had known this 20 years ago, but I’m thankful to know it now and have the opportunity to put it into practice.
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