As we close out the month of June, and especially the “pride” aspect of the month (including the part about the celebration of sin as well), I felt prompted to share one more thing. As I mentioned at the beginning of this month, a significant part of why I stand this staunchly for Biblical marriage (1 man, 1 woman) is traced to the fact that I once stood staunchly pro-gay marriage. When I voted according to liberal causes, I was by no means a single-issue voter, but this was the number one issue I cared about. It was hard for me to switch (and it took some time), primarily because my previous stance was built on people in my life that were important to me then. But as the God of the Bible was working on my heart to get me saved and into His heavenly Kingdom, He showed me that He still loves people who say that they’re gay, and that it is simply a matter of severe deception regarding what they consider their identity.
I get it: identity is personal by nature. Even I myself over
the years have struggled with different aspects of my identity: as an American,
as a musician, as a composer, as a Christian, as a Caucasian… even as a man.
No, I never once gave thought to changing my sex (and I don’t plan to), and I
can’t do anything about my heritage (I was born into the race I was born into).
But I remember in my young-adult years, college age plus the first few years
afterward, being very resistant to the identity as a “Christian man” because, based
on what I was immersed in growing up, being either, let alone both, was considered
bad. I’ve also experienced in my life diametrically opposing reactions to looking
at the American flag, the flag that has stayed the same throughout my lifetime.
However, the summation of the shift in my reactions is this: I was first taught
to see the American flag as a symbol of freedom, then as a symbol of oppression,
and then once again as a symbol of freedom (this is the position I currently
hold). The flag never changed. But I did, twice.
The point is, both truth and deception are powerful tools.
And so is this: at one point, halfway through my time in college, one evening
after being so frustrated at my fear and my hopeless awkwardness and social
ineptitude around women, I started deciding in my mind that the only possible
reason for this is that I “must” be gay. There were little things here and
there (“hooks”) that I picked out to justify my conclusion. I went to bed that
night imagining what it would be like to enter a romantic relationship with my
childhood best friend (who had “come out of the closet” to me by that point). I
was so done with the frustration and failure that I just wanted something to
give me peace so that I could move on with my life. Considering that I not only
grew up in a world that supported homosexuality, but I also went to a liberal arts
college, I knew I wasn’t going to really have to worry about any rejection from
my family or friends if I purposed myself to choose this route. It was not only
I but all those around me that I cared about: we all were deceived.
I believe that God intervened that night in a dream and nipped this whole
thing in the bud. Essentially, I dreamed I was in a large room, seated on the floor,
with multiple different women sitting right next to me, all around me. We were
just sitting nearby each other. There was nothing sexual, nor sensual, nor even
physical about the dream. It’s just that we were in close proximity to one
another. When I awoke the next morning, I called it “the straightest dream” I’ve
ever had (I still hold this position even today). I took it as a sign to put
away this thought of me considering being gay, and I immediately did. I haven’t
looked back since.
It wasn’t until years later, well after I had begun therapy
in co-ed group settings (and perhaps not until even after I graduated from group
therapy), that I finally understood the second layer to this dream. The second
layer was a picture, a revelation of what God was going to do to bring healing
into this area of my life, considering that I was still afraid of any kind of connection with women even when I first joined a co-ed group. And it was through this
group that He brought that healing, which eventually allowed me to be introduced
to my sweetie (yes, a woman), with whom I am preparing to marry.
I want to close this post (and this month) with a message of
hope. Deception is evil and will lead you astray if you persist in it, but you
don’t have to continue believing it. It doesn’t have to be the end of you.
Jesus Christ is on a mission, even now, to redeem and restore all who have been
deceived, especially those where the deception has led to fear and pain. After
all:
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3, NKJV
And:
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” Luke 4:18-19, NKJV
And:
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16, NKJV
And:
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10, NKJV
God is good, is He not? Let Him free you of all deception,
including that of homosexuality as identity, as well as pride of homosexuality as
something to celebrate. Pursuing the things of God, including His kingdom and
His righteousness, is far more rewarding. (Matthew 6:33, NKJV) And remember,
all these verses are as much for me and the issues I wrestle with, as much as
they are for you and the issues that you’ve wrestled with.
And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32, NKJV