A time for everything

I wasn't expecting it to go quite like this.

I think, though, that it's for the best. I've lived my life obsessing over details in an unhealthy way, making things fit in nice little boxes like I think they should, and trumpeting everything that seems important to me and yet inconsequential to just about everyone else.

I have a life. I believe it's worth it. I believe I'm worth it.

I met with a dear brother yesterday who helpfully cleared up many of the worries in my head relating to the two posts ["http://confessionbyainsertidentityhere.blogspot.com/2012/10/letter-to-god-16-october-2012.html"] ["http://confessionbyainsertidentityhere.blogspot.com/2012/10/do-i-dare-say-no-to-lord-my-god.html"] this week. Although the prophecy I received last weekend was technically correct about my present state in life, it was a bit aggressive and led me to believe some things that were not good for my state of being. Ironically, I chatted with the good brother who prophesied, and from further conversation with him -- without even needing to broach the subject! -- I sensed that I needn't fear. We agreed that, with everything, God works in his own time. The pastor to whom I confessed my state of being last Sunday (I needed to clear up with him my shadowy response when he'd asked earlier how I was) reminded me that I needn't force anything. Let God be God. God is the author of all of our lives. The promise that I had been receiving lately will still stand. What promise? I won't be single my entire life. OK. I think I can handle that.

I'm seeing more of the little things that are becoming true in my life. I'm doing more things in my church, which consequently command me to discipline myself and manage my time. Instead of indulging myself with excessive internet use -- or other wasteful things -- spend it in prayer, Bible study, music composition and other positive uses of creativity. And so I shall. I choose to say "yes" to the Lord my God... in everything.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, New International Version ["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%203:1-8&version=NIV"]

In short, I feel like the Holy Spirit nudged me yesterday that it was finally time to step down from blogging. Doing so hasn't been as easy as I would have liked. I don't know that I have said all I've wanted to on here, but I also know that I don't need to. It's time to move on to different things, precisely what I was alluding to two paragraphs ago.

I just wanted to share one more thing, something that I found interesting, given what I've been processing lately: today's "Verse of the Day" on Biblegateway.com's homepage ["http://biblegateway.com/"] said this:

“Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” 

Psalm 37:4  King James Version

["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=KJV&search=Psalm%2037:4"] 

["http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/index.php?action=getVersionInfo&vid=9"] 

Amen!

For I know the plans I have for you

There are times when I'm reminded of God's great glory on this earth. And there are times I'm hit with the harsh reality that we still live in a fallen world. While on GooglePlus last night, I noticed a name I didn't recognize on the trends list. Curious, I explored further. To say I was not expecting what I saw is an understatement. Simply put, a 15-year-old girl committed suicide this week after at least a couple solid years of being bullied. Except, it wasn't just bullying; it was preying on complete naïveté and utter vulnerability: enticement, exposure, blackmail, and ultimately a perverse dedication to an innocent girl's destruction. Clearly, if anyone ever needed proof of Satan's existence, this was it.

 

I'm not sure what it is about this particular suicide that pushed me to write. I've come across numerous such stories on the internet over the years. But perhaps it's more about me in that this is the first time I've come across the such since I started counseling. In the last month it hit me that I was actually tortured, even if it was mostly emotionally and spiritually. I'm still trying to heal from that. A lot of my current struggles in life make a lot more sense now (for a long time I thought it a case of, "if I just got a chance, I know I would make good on it and accomplish something I wanted" -- I now know that it isn't as simple as that).

 

A reaction I had that particularly hit me was how underwhelmed I was by the response to this news. Granted, most of it decried bullying and talked about how we need to post and pass this info on. My reaction centered on the futility of such wasted energy. Merely posting about how bullying is bad won't work unless one takes more direct action to stop it. We're a desensitized society, unfortunately, thanks to all the violently graphic video games and news programs. Our attitude is now: "there's all this crap in the world; why bother appearing as hypocrites to our children by talking about how violence is wrong?"

 

We've gotten lazy; we tolerate bullying and other such wrong behaviors, and it isn't until someone dies that we wake up, albeit partially and just for a moment. If we care as much about bullying as we say we do, we need to do something about it! don't just talk about how it's wrong; find children that are at-risk and reach out to them! Anything less and you're actually part of the problem! "Oh, but it's all on the internet. We don't know how to stop that; we can't deal with it." That's a total load of crap. It's the lazy way out.

 

It was this story that made me realize I'm a survivor. I made it. Sure, I'm still going to have my ups and my downs (and sometimes each will be to the extreme). But because of Jesus Christ, I choose to live. No one who believes in and (more importantly) follows him is a loser. We're all winners, no matter our pasts.

 

It's too late for Amanda Todd, though. In a last-ditch effort ["http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej7afkypUsc"] just a few weeks ago, she pleaded for her life, begged for someone to come to her rescue. No one stepped up. She took her life on Wednesday ["http://www.vancouversun.com/technology/Bullied+teen+Amanda+Todd+took+life+Coroners+Service+confirms/7381793/story.html"]. I know that God desperately wanted to reach her. But he needed his creation's obedience, and we failed to come through.

 

For those who say there is no God in light of an event like this, I will say that not only does he exist, but, more to the point, he permits pain and suffering ["http://www.biblebelievers.com/jmelton/suffer.html"] because he's trying to tell us that something is wrong with the world and we need him. Knowing, accepting, and following Jesus as our Lord and Savior is our only way out. We are his creation, his valued possession, and he's working out his purpose to save as many of us as possible. Moreover, he gave us free will so that we might choose not just to experience the great love he has for us (John 3:16-17) [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%203:16-17&version=NLT"], but to also love him back. Love only really happens out of free will.

 

And for anyone out there reading this who is contemplating taking your own life, I have but this to offer: don't. You're worth it. You're more than worth it.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” ["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=NLT&search=Jeremiah%2029:11"] Jeremiah 29:11, New Living Translation