Reading through the Bible 2025: God's passion in reframing the book of Job (Job 40:7-14)

 As I mentioned a week or so ago, every time I revisit the book of Job, something new jumps out at me. Sometimes the "new" thing that jumps out at me is a section of Scripture with which I am already familiar, and this is one of those times.

I finally wrapped up this book, in which the majority of it focuses on Job and his three "friends" (Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar) arguing with each other. Moreso than almost the entire rest of the Bible, this book also shows a glimpse of God's wrath -- focused at Job -- and for some people, that alone has been enough to turn people off from Christianity completely.

This time around, though, I believe what the Bible reveals about the Lord's anger at Job is that it is relational and reveals God's passion and desire for Job. This is not hatred, but rather calling out Job for how, even with the extremely challenging circumstances (losing all his possessions and sources of income, losing his children, losing his health up until the point of death, and lastly, contending with three evil "friends"), he could let his faith in his Lord and Savior waver:

Book of Job 40:7-14

““Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me: “Would you indeed annul My judgment? Would you condemn Me that you may be justified? Have you an arm like God? Or can you thunder with a voice like His? Then adorn yourself with majesty and splendor, And array yourself with glory and beauty. Disperse the rage of your wrath; Look on everyone who is proud, and humble him. Look on everyone who is proud, and bring him low; Tread down the wicked in their place. Hide them in the dust together, Bind their faces in hidden darkness. Then I will also confess to you That your own right hand can save you.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭40‬:‭7‬-‭14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/114/job.40.7-14.NKJV

After all, Job was a righteous man, which God Himself had declared:

Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?”  

Job 1:8, NKJV

 

Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil? And still he holds fast to his integrity, although you incited Me against him, to destroy him without cause.”  

Job 2:3, NKJV

What is important to note in God's rebuttal to Job is that not once did He ever say that He was giving up on Job and casting him into hell. Not once. This is what I believe people miss about God (myself included on past occasions) -- that just because He gets angry when anger is warranted, that it automatically means He hates us. This is absolutely not true. He is passionate, and He is relational, and righteous anger will sometimes be part of that.

He hates sin:

These six things the Lord hates,

Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:

A proud look,

A lying tongue, 

Hands that shed innocent blood,

A heart that devises wicked plans,

Feet that are swift in running to evil,

A false witness who speaks lies,

And one who sows discord among brethren.

Proverbs 6:16-19, NKJV

But He loves us:

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.  

John 3:16-17, NKJV

And He is merciful:

Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses,

For they are from of old. 

Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions;

According to Your mercy remember me,

For Your goodness’ sake, O Lord.

Psalm 25:6-7, NKJV

For me personally, that's what I need to remember perhaps more than any other thing. He is merciful. But, He is also a big God:

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.

Isaiah 40:28, NKJV

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?”

Job 26:14, NKJV

Great is our Lord, and mighty in power;
His understanding is infinite. 

Psalm 147:5, NKJV

As such, our proper posture and heart-attitude needs to be one of awe and wonder because of how big and powerful He is:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction.  

Proverbs 1:7, NKJV

Devotionals from my Bible app: Mobile Mountain Communities (Matthew 5:14)

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Matthew 5:14, NKJV

Mobile Mountain Communities


Imagine a community where honest people work together to fix brokenness. Every person you meet loves you authentically, and you love them in the same way. How would living in such a community change the way you think, feel, and act?


Jesus invites us into that kind of community. In Matthew 5:14, Jesus says, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.”


The Greek word for “hill” can also mean “mountain,” and in the ancient imagination, mountains were places where Heaven and Earth intersected—where people could encounter the gods. The ancient Hebrews understood mountains as unique spaces where God meets with humanity and where both dwell together as partners.


Abraham experiences divine testing and blessing on a mountain. God invites Moses up a mountain to receive instruction. And the prophet Isaiah uses mountain imagery to dream of a day when the Heaven-on-Earth space will expand beyond the mountain, filling the world with God’s Kingdom and vanquishing the darkness of evil.


This makes Jesus’ teaching truly wild! He’s saying that Heaven and Earth reunite through people—through us. When Jesus calls his followers a “city on a mountain,” he’s saying they will bring the mountaintop experience to the world. He’s inviting us to become mobile mountains, creating pockets of Heaven on Earth wherever we go.


We do this by letting go of the old ways of fighting our enemies and picking up the practices of Jesus—feeding the hungry, living justly, and loving people patiently. When this happens, the light of God’s way that leads to true life shines through us, piercing the darkness. So let’s find ways to be mobile mountain communities and participate in making God’s Kingdom shine brightly on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Oftentimes, I’ve found the answer to the above question: how will you shine the light of Jesus to the world today? to be found in the routine and the mundane. I have often thought and expected that in order to fulfill the Great Commission, I have to do something extraordinary, like go to another country to serve, or even go to the inner-city of the nearest big city (in my life, that has included places like Chicago, New York City, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, etc) for what I do to be considered as making a difference. But the reality is, it’s found in the people I already know and spend time with, and, in terms of going outside that comfort zone, it’s found when opportunity knocks. Not so much going on my own effort and plans and strength to seek out people to randomly preach the Gospel to. Food for thought for all those who come across this page.

Below, I wanted to also include the prayer section of my Bible app’s devotional, as I found it to be powerful as well.

Good, challenging questions: what does loving God look like? and, Is there anything you need to give up in order to pursue God wholeheartedly? I kind of already answered the first question in the previous paragraph -- love God from where you’re at and who you’re with already. Make sure you are actively loving those people. I am aware of actual resistance regarding the second question: what would I need to give up in order to love God with my all? (Yes, I’m rephrasing it a bit.) I have a selective weakness that feels crippling at times regarding speech and specifically speaking with people that I’m not 100% comfortable with. And mind you, that discomfort could be for any reason at all: perhaps there is something that happened between us that I still bear in mind; perhaps there is none, except that I picked up on something that the other person may not have noticed or even have any clue about. Perhaps it is also simply fear, most often based on previous experiences with other people, and supposedly with enough other people that in my mind I see no reason not to expect the same out of you, the person with whom I experience discomfort for reasons other than that any issue ever came up between us.

Maybe I was being dangerously vulnerable in the above paragraph; or maybe I intended it to be a segue to my next point, which is this: I am far more comfortable in writing. I blog very frequently, except for seasons in which other things have taken priority. I have mentioned in the past about how I earnestly believe that the music composition I do is a part of my relationship with the Lord, especially considering that I have quite an output of choir music set to Biblical text (this is truly an opportunity for me to meditate on God’s Word as I have to look at the text multiple times, first as I sketch, then as I input into my music notation software, and then again as I format the piece, etc.). It is virtually impossible not to take in God’s Word and His truth as I do this. I say that to say this: it is essentially the same now when I blog. It wasn’t always this way, and it has taken many years for my literary writing to catch up the point of also being a part of my relationship with the Lord. 

As such, whether by literature or by music, I consider these to be vehicles for me to practice loving God with my all, and if not with my all, then at least with my best. For in these things I pour out my heart. And if I love God in the same spaces that I pour out my heart, then it is very easy for me to answer the question in reality: what does loving God look like? But it is a far longer bridge for me to cross regarding going out into the world and speak the Gospel.

As far as what I need to give up, I question my own readiness to really step into answering that question. I willingly gave up my comfort zones when I was in therapy, because I was desperate to grow. Now, my desperation to grow has waned significantly, especially considering that by God’s grace I have been able to attain the many current blessings I have. Maybe my answer to the second question is simply this: to not get complacent.

I think about something Apostle Paul said that I think can apply here as well:

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13, NKJV

The bottom line from the above passage: following Christ pushed Paul outside his comfort zone constantly. Whether it was spiritual, emotional, mental, physical [the thorn in his flesh, for example], financial, or even relational, Paul’s life post-conversion is an example of being constantly challenged to grow until God said enough, which didn’t occur until after he passed into eternity. It was also a case of fulfilling what Jesus Himself said:

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. Matthew 16:24, NKJV

When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. Mark 8:34, NKJV

Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. Luke 9:23, NKJV

It’s a tall mountain for any of us to climb, and it’s a task I fall woefully short on. But, the good news is that you don’t have to climb on your own. Just surrender your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord, King, and Savior. He will take you up. I pray I do this, if nothing else.

Prayer: Jesus, thank You for bringing God’s mountaintop presence down to earth. Thank You that this heavenly presence now fills every one of your followers. By the power of Your Spirit, help me and my community live as the shining city on a hall, where heaven touches earth, so that many may experience the love, wisdom, and blessing of God. Amen.

Devotionals from my Bible app: The Empty Pursuit of More (Luke 12:15)

And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” Luke 12:15, NKJV

The Empty Pursuit of More

Greed.


It wears like an invisible cloak, blending seamlessly into the fabric of modern culture. It silently seeps into our desires, clouds our judgment, and distorts our values. Greed always seeks more—more validation, more status, more comfort, more things.


But the irony of greed is this: the more earthly possessions, status, or validation we gain, the more we are left dissatisfied.


In Luke 12:15, Jesus warns how this illusion of fulfillment through relentlessly collecting more blinds us to true contentment and purpose and is an empty pursuit:


“Then he said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.'”


True fulfillment doesn’t happen when we store up possessions or pursue unending comfort. True fulfillment is found when we’re anchored in contentment, gratitude, and a deep relationship with God that leads to seeking His kingdom and righteousness (Luke 12:31).


Where do you have an endless craving for more—more validation, more comfort, more possessions? Are there areas of your life where the constant pursuit of more might be overshadowing the pursuit of God’s kingdom and His righteousness?

Note after sharing the devotional: As a member of Generation Y (I still will not refer to myself as a “millennial,” due to its negative connotation), I was born into a time of great prosperity (i.e. the Reagan presidency), grew up in a time of mostly great prosperity, even if my family’s finances did not quite match that of other families in my life. Although I did lack certain things that money cannot buy, I didn’t exactly lack things that money could. At the very least, I never had to worry about going hungry or being homeless (praise God!). But because of the time in which I was born into (and grew up in), and because of the prevailing lifestyles and attitudes of all those around me, I had a very stubborn expectation that, no matter what I suffered in childhood, it was all still going to work out in adulthood, and that I would still enjoy the same life and lifestyles that those in my parents’ generation enjoyed. Although I now understand on a larger scale that because of things outside my control, that will not happen in the same way (not saying my wife and I don’t and won’t have prosperity -- in Jesus’ name we will!), and that it will need to look different, I remember spending much of my young-adult years deeply pained that life wasn’t turning out even close to what I thought it was going to be at that point.

Nonetheless, Jesus makes a very firm point about the desire of riches in today’s highlight verse. Riches are temporal; contentment is a choice that we make regardless of what we have.

Jesus’s disciple Paul also makes two very firm points as well:

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1 Timothy 6:10, NKJV

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13, NKJV

The bottom line is, the love of money is the root of all evil, and choosing contentment is the key to obeying Jesus in being on guard for any and all types of greed. True fact, especially in my younger adult days: I often found myself being happier when I was poorer rather than richer. Not that I’m seeking to be in a place where I cannot make ends meet, but I found that having enough is enough. Having God is enough. Having Jesus is enough. I just pray I don’t forget that, because I have been guilty many times of forgetting, and while I’ve repented each time, the result of forgetting is not a good one.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33, NKJV

Prayer: Dear God, guard my heart against the endless craving for more. Help me find contentment beyond possessions. Help me to redirect my focus to seek Your kingdom and righteousness above all else. May my life reflect Your purpose and fulfillment. Amen.

Devotionals from my Bible app: Loving God's Word (Psalm 119:15)

Loving God’s Word


When we want to learn a new skill, we take care to learn everything we can about that subject.


Artists try different supplies and techniques to enhance their art. Musicians practice their music measure by measure, note by note, in order to memorize and perfect the song they are learning. Architects and engineers memorize and practice advanced math in order to design and build safe structures.


We give our time and minds to things so that we can use them well.


King David wanted to know God. He knew in order to know God, he would need to know God’s Word, because he knew that Scripture would keep him from sinning against God. He even wrote:

“I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.”

Psalm 119:15 ESV

This is a valuable lesson for us to learn as well: if we want to know God, to know Jesus, then we need to know God’s Word.


Just as we give our minds to the study of history or math, or we practice an instrument in order to play it well, we must also give our minds and time to knowing God’s Word. We should meditate on Scripture and fix our eyes on what Jesus has taught us. When we do this, we store up His wonderful Word in our hearts and it keeps us from sinning against Him.


We can know exactly what God wants and desires for us by reading Scripture.


His Word gives us boundaries, guidance, and direction. His Word shows His purposes and character. His Word reveals to us who He is, and we get to respond with joy and obedience. So today, what will you give your time to? In what ways will you store up God’s Word in your heart?

Note after sharing the devotional: there's a lot from this devotional that resonates with me, on multiple fronts. Even though I am no longer a full-time professional musician, I certainly understand what goes into practicing in order to know how to play a piece, but even more so to then master that piece (which requires even more practicing). Not only so, but it is a reflection of developing that skill over time, measured not only in days and weeks but also in months and years. As I approach and enter middle age, I look back over all the years that I was playing the piano, whether in seasons of higher intentionality and intensity, or in seasons of lower intentionality and intensity; whether in a time when I was more focused on the Classical approach (technique, scales, expression, articulation, and almost always where I was the solo performer or the sole accompanist) or the jazz/rock approach (overall more lax regarding technique, expression, etc, except with a higher focus on rhythmic tightness and togetherness with the other members of the band). What I have found is that more often than not, true measurement of the fruits of developing one's skill can only really be measured over the course of years, and by faith I will also say, decades. Unfortunately, with piano/keyboard playing, because I haven't kept up nearly as much with it since changing careers as I did prior to that, let alone when I was in college going for my Bachelor's in Music (which necessitated intensive study on my primary instrument, which was indeed the piano). My technique today is far inferior to what it was 20 years ago, but my overall knowledge and understanding from my overall experiences including at that time and since then is far superior to it, simply due to the accumulation of said knowledge and understanding in this area.

Interestingly, the art metaphor also resonated with me. In 2019, when I was in the middle of the worst compositional drought of my life to date, one outlet I did find that allowed me to find a way to express any creativity was through drawing with colored pencils. My drawing style is still quite basic, and my color palette limited to the top 10 primary/common colors, but that suited me quite well as the constraints allowed me to focus on making the most of the scope of talent that I did have. I actually think those drawings that I made (correction: that God and I made together, as this was one vehicle that He and I used to communicate within our relationship) were pretty darn good. Although I speak as if my talent were limited (and it was), I still look back with joy that, with God, I was able to make some quality drawings that expressed exactly what I needed for their intended purposes. With God, I was able to draw what I saw, and my talent level and palette matched it perfectly.

Further, the correlation between the artist example, the musician example, and the example of building our faith and relationship with God also resonated with me. Since arriving at my current church, one of the many common themes preached was about intentionally spending time with God. Ahead of this arrival, while still at my previous church, I had prayed for a while about having the opportunity to gain proper spiritual formation, which my previous church hadn't been doing for quite a while at that point. It took a couple years, and an extended season of backsliding yet again, but over the last couple years I have been devoting time almost every day to spending time with the Lord, whether through prayer, through devotion, through Bible study, through Biblical reflection, or all of the above. Part of why I nowadays blog frequently is that God has provided me a space to share the Gospel of my Lord and King Jesus Christ but also process still-unresolved life events and seasons through a Biblical lens (or at least, trying to).

My pastor has occasionally referred to the Bible as a love letter from God to us, and occasionally within those occasions, referred to Psalm 119 as one long love letter back to God regarding how good and right His Law is. Now, we know that there's more to the Christian faith than only following the law. In fact, from a recent post, what opened me up to the Gospel in college was hearing a friend of mine explain that, yes, we have to be perfect in order to have eternal life with Jesus, but the one and only way to attain that perfection is to stop striving and to actually surrender our lives and our all to Him as Lord, King, and Savior. Apostle Paul also talks about this in his letter to the church in Rome:

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2, NKJV

Let's be clear, though: the Law is still the Law. God is still holy, and He still requires holiness of us, as it is thus written:

For I am the Lord your God. You shall therefore consecrate yourselves, and you shall be holy; for I am holy. Neither shall you defile yourselves with any creeping thing that creeps on the earth. Leviticus 11:44, NKJV

For I am the Lord who brings you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God. You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy. Leviticus 11:45, NKJV

“Speak to all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say to them: ‘You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. Leviticus 19:2, NKJV

Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am the Lord your God. Leviticus 20:7, NKJV

And you shall be holy to Me, for I the Lord am holy, and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be Mine. Leviticus 20:26, NKJV

Therefore you shall consecrate him, for he offers the bread of your God. He shall be holy to you, for I the Lord, who sanctify you, am holy. Leviticus 21:8, NKJV

And, just in case anyone thinks that this is only an Old Testament theology:

but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16, NKJV

But the point is, although the Law is perfect and is there to show us that we are sinners, we are not saved merely by following the law because we can't. Not on our own strength.

For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:3-4, NKJV

For this reason, God sent His Son Jesus Christ to this earth to die on a cross for our sins to pay the due penalty for all sin. What this means is that, without Jesus's sacrifice, we would be paying that penalty. That would mean we would be condemned, separated from God for all eternity. In other words, we would spend eternity in hell to be tormented by Satan and his demons. But because of Jesus Christ's blood sacrifice on the cross, we have a way out.

The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:56-57, NKJV

And because Jesus has given us this way out from eternal death, He also gives us the victory over sin and death, if we receive Him as our Savior and follow Him as our King and Lord.

But it is easy to forget this. I unfortunately forget this regularly, which is why I have to find a way to remind myself of this every day, as often as possible. Spending time in Scripture every day is paramount if I am to remember who God is and what He has done for me. Not only so, but if I am to actually walk this out:

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. James 1:22-24, NKJV

Therefore, just like perfecting a performance of a musical piece, or perfecting one's artistic craft, etc., spending time in the Bible is the one and only way to also grow in knowledge and wisdom -- and faith -- because, like was mentioned above, we have to be perfect here also. That perfection is only attainable by knowing Jesus Christ as your Lord, King, and Savior (and not just knowing about Him, which doesn't count because it doesn't please Him). And to know Him requires three parts: 1.) receiving Him, 2.) surrendering control of your life to Him, and 3.) spending time with Him like you would in any relationship, except even more so, and this requires spending time in His Word, the Bible. Why the Bible? Because, as it is written:

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 2 Timothy 3:16, NKJV

I will meditate on Your precepts, And contemplate Your ways. Psalm 119:15, NKJV (today's highlight verse)

Finally, one more verse to provide extra backup and support on all the above:

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Joshua 1:8, NKJV

Let us therefore pray:

Prayer: Father God, thank You for giving me Your Word. Scripture is brimming with truth and life, and I never want to take that for granted. I know that I am easily distracted, but I also know that You give me the strength to persevere. Show me how to meditate on Your Word so that I don't disobey You. Teach me to prioritize my relationship with You above everything else. In Jesus's name, Amen.

2024 Gratitude Series, Part 3: God introducing Himself to me, January 22, 2005

 Transparently, I've lost a lot of steam on this gratitude series. Having been sick over the holidays, combined with wrestling with things spiritual, hasn't helped. As such, I think this will be the last post for this particular gratitude series (especially considering we are almost a full month into 2025 already!), although I will continue to share memory stones and any other stories of times God intervened in my life.

There are two stories (although one in particular) that I believe I've occasionally alluded over the years to sharing in more detail at some point, and I've never gotten around to telling it. Until now, that is. Why now? Honestly, the answer to that question is: if not now, then when?

So I've publicly declared on this blog before that I got saved in March 2013 when I read a passage of Scripture that was enough to convince me to be all-in with God, and because I'd never otherwise been baptized as an adult, I got full-body baptized on December 1, 2013 (it was Part 1 of this very gratitude series). In Part 2, I mentioned about the jolt that my faith got in 2019 going into 2020. But I've also had other moments where I experienced God drawing me to Him, and one of which I don't believe I've ever gotten around to telling that story. So I will attempt to do so now.

First, to set up the background for this event, which I believe took place on Saturday, January 22, 2005, as well as to save time, I'm going to link you to a few posts I've already written, in order of timeline as events were happening:

• Fall 2003 - when I left my hometown church

• Spring 2004 - when I joined a weekly youth group (I was not attending Sunday morning services anywhere)

• Beginning of college - the semester before He introduced Himself to me

• J-Term in college (scroll down for what happened my freshman year)

More recent allusions:

• A brief foretaste of experiencing Him at an FCA gathering

• Another brief allusion to the FCA event where I experienced Him (as well as some things that happened the subsequent semester)

• Not that this is super-pertinent to the story of this event, but because I'm pro-context all around, this is the story of what happened a year later. FCA had its great moments, but I found there were also limits to its usefulness in ministering to me, including experiences with other people that were part of this ministry. I think it's also important to note that one other purpose for sharing this story is to illustrate that it is a case of not putting God in a box; He can use anyone and anything to get through to an individual that He is trying to reach.

Before I finally delve into the night of Saturday, January 22, 2005, there are a few more background pieces not mentioned in the above stories:

Prior to January 2005, seeds were already being planted the previous semester, and in fact even as early as an end-of-summer gathering that a bunch of rising sophomores from the Chicagoland area held to welcome incoming freshmen. After meeting the host right when I arrived (and then promptly never talked to again in all the years we overlapped in school), the next person I met I befriended for the next couple years and found out during J-Term 2005 that he was a believer (more on that below). He and I hung out occasionally, most often in the common areas of the college, such as the cafeteria; although no conversations were had about faith as of yet, we found ourselves breaking bread together, sometimes with some of his friends as well.

My first encounter with FCA was in fact sometime during the Fall of 2004, I believe sometime in October. I ended up going on a hay ride (I have no recollection on how I got invited on this; I suspect it was someone I knew well enough at that time who told me about it) and saw a couple other folks I had recognized. I distinctly recall chatting with the twin sister of another guy I would soon befriend (he was possibly the most on-fire for the Lord of all the folks I knew in college) -- who told me about him.

Aside from faith that the Lord was already turning my heart to participate in FCA events, I have no recollection as to how I began attending the weekly meetings in January, considering that I really don't believe I had yet begun attending in November or December 2004. I heard about a lock-in (I'm using the 2nd definition of the word) which took place either on the second or third weekend. I had been part of youth group lock-ins and remember enjoying those. This was just as enjoyable as well. I believe there was praise & worship, Bible study, a message being preached, and food. (And of course, sleep.)

Saturday, January 22, 2005 was an all-day and all-evening event at a house just outside of town, owned by a man who had received a worker's comp settlement some years prior after a major accident at work disfigured his face. But he was a man who loved the Lord and used that money to fix up his house to host Christian groups and ministries such as FCA to have off-campus events there. [Note: our college town had two colleges, so it was double the opportunities for his house to be used for ministry events!] His property had a decent-sized pond behind his house, which during the winter meant an opportunity to host broomball as a leading socializing event along with food, praise & worship, teaching, prayer, testimony-sharing, etc.

One other point to bring up about how special this day turned out to be: I probably went back to this man's house for FCA events another 5 or so times, and no other event went all day and all evening as the one on Saturday, January 22, 2005. This all-day and all-evening event had two broomball tournaments back-to-back (which never happened again on any of the other times I went), with a grail/cup as the prize for each champion. I don't remember whether I happened to be on both championship squads or just one, but I do remember signing the cup and that broomball literally went all day and even well after dark (which, in January was still early).

Similarly, praise & worship took place for multiple hours after dinner (it never lasted as long any of the other times I went). I've shared in other posts about the format and what generally went on during this time. I was experiencing many new things for the first time this night: contemporary praise & worship where people stood and raised hands, people sharing testimonies of faith in front of the group, and looking back, a knowing of the Holy Spirit's presence in that place. At the point I was already a church lifer, but I had never seen such postures of genuine devotion and true heartfelt praise as what I was observing that night!

I wanted in on the action, but wasn't sure how to join in. What I'm about to share isn't a great story, but it's the truth: during praise & worship, as I was closing my eyes and praying (and I had been doing so for a little while, I think), I remembered a trick I was introduced to back in the 8th grade during religion class. Our teacher had handed my classmates and me a piece of paper with a very strange-looking image of what appeared to sort of be a skull. The key was in the instructions as the bottom of the paper: stare at the four vertical dots in the middle of the image for ten seconds, then close your eyes and look up. An image of Jesus will appear. I tested it out that day in the 8th grade, and it worked. I saw an image of Jesus! On that night in 2005, I tried that again. I of course didn't have the piece of paper with me, but I remembered enough of what was important about it. This time, I visualized the four vertical dots for ten straight seconds, and then looked up (I believe my eyes were already closed). Jesus appeared again!

I stayed with the image. He remained as well, at one point appearing to clap with the music, which I took to mean I should clap, too. (I'm assuming that last part, by the way.) What came from this moment were two things: 1.) I needed to go up in front of everyone and share my testimony; and 2.) He highlighted two men I needed to reach out to regarding this moment (two men I already knew).

After hesitating for a song or two, I did go up and speak in front of everyone. I don't remember a thing I said, although I do recall I generally spoke about having had to leave my previous church and wanting to find a real Christian group to be a part of. I also experienced something that I at the time thought of as an "out-of-body" experience; I need to clarify that I no longer believe that that's what happened, as I have no visual of looking at myself from outside of myself while I talked. But I do recall feeling as if I wasn't fully present within myself as I was sharing. So I'm not sure what to call it. Perhaps it is best at this point to say that I allowed the God of the Bible to simply take over my speaking, and He spoke on my behalf.

I did later reach out to the two men I felt God leading me to share my testimony with. One of them was already on that same retreat, so talking with him was easy. The other was the one that I already knew but didn't know he was a believer until soon after this FCA / broomball event. I went on to regularly attend FCA meetings the rest of the year, including going on a mission trip with them to rural Arkansas over Spring Break the following semester. My sophomore year, my attendance did begin to drop as the honeymoon phase ended, but I continued attending somewhat regularly, including participating in both mission trips over Fall Break (Milwaukee) and the next Spring Break (New York City).

As for what happened two years later, during the spring semester of my junior year, the events can still be best explained in this post here. (I realized I didn't redact any names here, as well as those in a couple other posts from that era of life; I'm going to leave it as is, as I haven't kept in touch with any of those folks for a very long time. That, and I didn't share any names in any inflammatory manner, so I believe this is ok.)

I think what I wanted to mention about this is is that the latter event took place after the summer of hell with the roommate from hell. Instead of living with a bunch of other believers in a scenario where I believe I possibly could have gotten saved in the upcoming year, I was on my own. Sure, it was ultimately by my own choice, but at the same time I don't believe I can truly associate with anyone who repeatedly treated me like trash (even after being confronted) or with others who didn't have my back at all. I can't bring myself to do that, even today. I forgive them freely and pray for their good, but that experience forever changed how I saw some of them in terms of trust.

Having shared the above, I find myself amazed that, despite those circumstances, God still broke through. One of the key issues that came up in my wrestling with Christianity was homosexuality -- I was still pro-gay marriage at the time (and would continue to be for a few years afterward) -- considering also that this was after my childhood best friend had "come out of the closet" to me the previous summer (yes, the same summer as mentioned above). Both of those Bible-believing friends (yes, both men who two years prior God led me to reach out to) invited me out to lunch to explain the Bible and Biblical marriage. Later that night, I was at a Bible study that one of them was leading (a separate meeting from FCA), and during that time I felt God touch my heart again. I suddenly felt as if I was drunk or high, but I had not consumed any alcohol or drugs. This was the Holy Spirit, and I was feeling lightness, joy, giddiness in the Spirit. One of those friends and I grabbed a late-night meal after the meeting to debrief. Looking back, what I believe I felt was the supernatural lightness of Jesus's burden: I have to be perfect, but I can't without Jesus's strength and righteousness. So all I need to do is lay my life down for Him, and He will take me up to the top. As it is written:

For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:30, NKJV

I'd like to say that the rest of the semester went swimmingly, faith-wise. It didn't; I was not attending FCA or Bible-focused meetings, instead opting for the local Episcopal church in town or the campus church. But God was still faithful nonetheless, helping me in other more immediate ways:

1. He blessed my mind and my academics, helping bring my GPA up to the point where I graduated cum laude.

2. He set up events to allow a friend group to coalesce around me, in a sense replacing what was lost from not having been able to be part of the group of saved Godly men.

3. He even appointed a new best friend for me, one with whom I could have deeper talks than I ever had with anyone else before.

4. Although it wouldn't bear fruit for another 14 years, He did create a space for me to talk about my interest in women and begin to make sense of it.

I think ultimately what motivates me to do these gratitude series and memory stone series can be captured in the below verse (in terms of explaining my efforts to fulfill this):

But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. 1 Samuel 30:6 (last part), NKJV

Stop Struggling Alone: Let God Lead Your Day | Blessed Morning Prayer

 Today's post will share some key verses and highlight points from a devotional video I came across recently from Grace Oasis: Stop Struggling Alone: Let God Lead Your Day | Blessed Morning Prayer.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1 (all translations NKJV)

Embrace this freedom in Christ wholeheartedly.

Remember God hears your cries with you struggle or doubt.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalm 34:17

Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Do not be afraid to cry out to the Lord in prayer. Open your heart to Him. ... Speak to Him like a trusted friend, because He listens.

But also, do more than just pray. Act in faith. Begin to expect that the Lord will move things in your favor. Rather than remaining passive, take steps forward with the confidence that God is working behind the scenes.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; The God of my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, My stronghold and my refuge; My Savior, You save me from violence. 2 Samuel 22:2-3

For anyone who knows me personally and is acquainted with recent events, I am pleased to report that my health has been on the upswing solidly for the last couple weeks and I am almost to 100%. I am still choosing to be careful regarding some things for a little while yet, but I hope to be available for visits, etc. very soon. Praise the Lord!

Reading through the Bible 2025: Job's desire to please God from the start

The book of Job is a good litmus test concerning the question of what new things God might highlight to me regarding books or passages I end up reading for the umpteenth time. If I’m honest, I have a love-hate relationship with the book of Job. The progression of my reactions to this book over the years (since at least 2006, going backward) have gone more or less by the following:

1. I hate this book. A bunch of bad things happen to good-guy Job, Job complains to God, God yells at him, and Job is the one who has to apologize and make amends regardless of the suffering.

2. I still hate this book. God let Satan wreak havoc on Job’s life; why He did, I cannot understand for the life of me.

3. I’m learning something from this book. As it turns out, good-guy Job lost his faith and started disbelieving and accusing God, incurring His wrath. Guess it was deserved.

4. I’m learning more things from this book. For example, Job’s friends Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar really were terrible friends. They completely steered him wrong, and Job did turn against God, so yes, God’s wrath at Job was indeed deserved.

5. I’m learning more things from this book. Contrary to my prior assumptions, God did not cause Job to lose everything he had, including his health. Additionally, in arguing with his “friends,” Job began to believe lies about the Lord, a complete turnaround from where their relationship had been previously.

6. I’m learning more things from this book. God was in fact merciful to Job throughout his trials. First, when Satan wanted to take away Job’s children and possessions, God told him not to lay a hand on him. Later, when Satan wanted to take away Job’s health, God ordered him to spare his life. Moreover, even when God was yelling at Job, challenging him on all the lies and nonsense he had been spouting about the Lord (God does hear even my mutterings!), He never threatens Job’s life or his eternity, or any kind of punishment. God’s response to Job is in fact a sign of real relationship between the two: Job being real with God, and God being real with Job.

7. I’m learning more things from this book. As ticked off as Scripture reveals God was at Job, He was even more ticked off at his three “friends,” calling them unrighteous while still calling Job righteous.

8. I’m learning more things from this book. Job does get everything restored (see Job 42:10-11), and gets to live the rest of his days free from trials. God does provide that time of recovery. Even Jesus, the Son of God, received that after fasting for 40 days in the wilderness and being tempted by the devil.

9. I’m already still learning more things from this book, even from this go-around. See below:

Job’s desire to please God from the start

“There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil. And seven sons and three daughters were born to him. Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East. And his sons would go and feast in their houses, each on his appointed day, and would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did regularly.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬-‭5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/114/job.1.4-5.NKJV

Even before he suffered the first trial, Job was conscious of the importance of honoring God in all his ways, even including interceding on behalf of his family members in case they might have offended Him in even some small way. As Scripture reveals, Job regularly would offer burnt offerings to the Lord, regardless of whether or not some sin might have occurred.

The below text reveals Job’s attitude after the first round of bad news:

“In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭1‬:‭22‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/114/job.1.22.NKJV

Even after the second test, Job still chose to honor God, even when it was difficult, even going so far as to chastise his own wife when she tried to convince him to give up on the Lord:

“So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes. Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭2‬:‭7‬-‭10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/114/job.2.7-10.NKJV

Simply put, Job desired to please God from the start. More to come.

Devotionals from my Bible app: Learning to Fight Good Fights (1 Timothy 6:12)

Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12, NKJV

Note before sharing the devotional: I originally was going to include a more in-depth note regarding this devotional, as it continues to be a challenge and a stretch for me (what this calls for is fighting the good fight with wisdom). But after sharing yesterday's post, I believe I've also covered what I might have otherwise had to say today. Fighting good fights of faith require Godly wisdom. We need to be wise about who we fight, and it's a lesson I still continue to be slow in learning:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12, NKJV

Learning to Fight Good Fights


When we became Christians and first believed in Jesus, we began a journey of faith. We committed to becoming a disciple of Jesus, who follows His commands, and trusts in Him.


The apostle Paul, in his instructions to Timothy, encourages him to fight the good fight of faith. This implies that the journey of faith will often be difficult. It will sometimes be messy, hard, and harrowing. Paul’s words serve as a reminder that sometimes—faith looks like a fight.


However, rather than a fight against people, this journey of faith is a fight for goodness, beauty, and faithfulness. We are fighting against our own broken natures, but also against God’s enemies within the spiritual realm.


Fighting often looks like making the right decision even if it’s not the easiest decision. It might mean being gentle when we want to be harsh. It might mean choosing love when it would be easier to be selfish.


Fighting well means remaining faithful to Jesus over the course of your life. You were called to a new life in Christ when you came to faith, and you are called to remain faithful over the course of your life.


So how do you remain faithful? One of the ways you can cultivate faithfulness is by reading God’s Word every day. When you regularly spend time with Him, you begin to love what God loves, and hate what He hates.


But as you seek God in this way, it’s also important to have friendships with people who can encourage you. Having two or three people in life who can help keep you accountable is a necessary part of your faith journey. As you consider what next steps you need to take to fight well, remember that you do not fight alone. God is with you—and when you draw near to Him, He will empower you with the strength you need to finish your faith journey well.

Prayer: God, You call me to faithful and obedient living. Thank You for providing Your Word as a guide that helps me bring You glory. When I struggle to live as You call me to, please remind me of the eternity I get to spend with You. And as You do that, restore my strength and endurance. In Jesus's name, Amen.

Devotionals from my Bible app: Breaking Hard Ground (Hosea 10:12)

Breaking Hard Ground


Imagine yourself as a farmer, and your life is a vast field. You sow seeds on soil sparingly, and these seeds represent your intentions, choices, and actions.

Hosea uses a similar analogy in Hosea 10:12 to describe God’s people. Israel had sown seeds of sin and unrighteousness, causing the soil of their hearts to become unreceptive to God's commands. And right as God's people were about to reap a harvest of God’s judgment, the prophet Hosea spoke with urgency:

"Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD until he comes and showers his righteousness on you."

Hosea 10:12

Just as a farmer reaps far more than they sow, our God promises that we, too, will reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7-9). But, this verse also shows us it’s not enough to sow righteousness. We must also break up the uncultivated ground (Hosea 10:12).


Our hearts become like idle ground when we allow it to grow hard and stubborn—resisting God's Word and work in our lives. But God wants His people to prepare the soil of their hearts to receive the seed of His Word by seeking Him. Seeking the Lord is like the early rain in farming season; it’s that essential ingredient that softens the soil and readies it for growth.


Don't wait. Seek Him eagerly and expectantly today. Meditate on Hosea 10:12; let it move you to examine your own life: Are you sowing seeds of righteousness and reaping the fruit of unfailing love?


It is never too late to seek the Lord—turn your heart to the One who promises to shower His abundant mercy and grace upon you.

Note after sharing the devotional: one thing I have to confess regarding these devotionals is that, these often come with prompts like the one shown in the image above, and I habitually gloss over it. I can make excuses one way or another about why I've glossed over these, but it always boils down to the question of whether I am willing to work on myself today. After a lengthy season of constant mental, spiritual, and emotional challenge, I got to a point where I was done with trying to better myself because I was primarily surrounded by others who either were outright unwilling to work on themselves, or would say they were willing but then not back it up with action (in other words, lying). This was not the first time I dealt with this, but rather, the latest in a series of seasons of different persons where I experienced this. The thing though is, there comes a point where that no longer matters. What God cares about is obedience, regardless of who or what is around me.

So, as far as the above question: how will you live in obedience today? ... answering this took me down a bit of a rabbit trail. There is a sort of partner passage that now regularly comes up when I think of soil in Biblical contexts, and it's what Jesus has to say about the different soils and how they receive the Word of God (courtesy of the Parable of the Sower):

1 On the same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the sea. 2 And great multitudes were gathered together to Him, so that He got into a boat and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.

3 Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a sower went out to sow. 4 And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. 6 But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. 7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. 8 But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 9 He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” Matthew 13:1-9, NKJV

Further down in this chapter, Jesus' disciples ask Him why He spoke so often in parables, and this is the one parable in the Gospel accounts where He not only answered their question (see Matthew 13:10-17) but then went on to explain the above (see Matthew 13:18-23) and how the different soils represent the different states in which a person's heart can be, and more crucially, how that might affect their chances for receiving salvation.

One of the newer areas of personal growth and discovery (post-therapy) I've been encountering is realizing how "slow on the uptake" I tend to be when coming across new situations or situations that are beyond the scope of my own thinking and understanding. I still struggle mightily with it, and with the expectations of having already known something that I've never come across before. My regular defense is: if it doesn't occur to me, it doesn't occur to me. How in the world was I supposed to know about that if no one ever tells me in advance? Why am I being blamed for not already having known that when I had no way of knowing it before? And so on.

To the untrained eye (even mine sometimes!) it may appear that Jesus is being unfair not only when judging people but also potentially uncaring in what appears to be determining one's chances for receiving the real truth and becoming saved. He makes it clear that the standards for holiness and righteousness (requirements for entering the kingdom of God) are still exceptionally high, so high that, without receiving Him and His righteousness, make such entry impossible. However, looking across all of Scripture, I do have some encouragement to offer both myself and you on this front, including the fact that Jesus is fair and does care. First, two verses that I know are well-known across most of Christendom, including perhaps the most well-known verse of all time:

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. John 3:16-17, NKJV

The above points out Jesus' mission statement for His ministry of salvation and reconciliation to God via His eventual atonement for all our sins. (See Matthew 27:45-54) In the below verse, Jesus reminds us that we have an enemy who hates Him so much by trying to destroy us, His creation, and who we have to constantly fight (by fighting the good fight of faith):

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10, NKJV

Next, regarding the issue of soil, I present today's passage as a message of hope that one's soil can be changed (in other words, there is hope that anyone with stony soil or thorny soil can be changed to have good soil like Jesus talked about):

Sow for yourselves righteousness;

Reap in mercy;

Break up your fallow ground,

For it is time to seek the Lord,

Till He comes and rains righteousness on you.

Hosea 10:12, NKJV

Next, even in Scripture, it is acknowledged that the sole weight of responsibility does in fact not fall on the person to know (and act on) the truth who hasn't been told it in the first place:

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent? Romans 10:14-15A, NKJV

Finally, below is my favorite passage to lean on regarding not only there being hope, but God Himself wanting people to receive His Word and be saved:

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9, NKJV

Prayer: God, sometimes my heart can be hardened to hearing Your Word. Forgive me! Break apart any stubborn sin in my life. Show me how to seek You first and shower me with Your blessings. In Jesus's name, Amen.

Devotionals from my Bible app: Loving Difficult People (Matthew 5:43-44)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, Matthew 5:43-44, NKJV

Note before sharing the devotional: normally a devotional like this would stir up anger and resistance, but this time around it didn't. The line from the below devotional that really helped get past my defenses and reach my heart is the following: Take a moment to consider some people in your life who are difficult to love. Begin by praying for them. Pray for their salvation if they’re not Christians, and pray for their wellbeing.

After the devotional, I will take the rare step of breaking the fourth wall (I'll still keep their names confidential, however) and pray over them. Because with God's help, I've been able to get myself to a place of praying for their wellbeing (and salvation if necessary).

Loving Difficult People


Matthew 5-7 is often referred to as The Sermon on the Mount, which is a series of teachings that Jesus gives near the beginning of His ministry. Most of what Jesus talks about is not necessarily new teaching, but rather a reorientation of how the Jewish people understood the Old Testament laws.


It's easy to love people who are close to us. It’s also easy to love those who are similar to us, and even those who love us as well. But Jesus’ command isn’t just to love those who are easy to love. Jesus says we should also love our enemies.


He also says to pray for those who persecute us. This isn’t a prayer for them to stay away, but rather a prayer for their good. We should be praying for the salvation of those who intend us harm, asking that they would recognize their actions and turn to God.


This is how God treated us. When we were enemies of God, He still showed love to us. He gave us breath and life, and also sent Jesus to restore our relationship with Him.


Take a moment to consider some people in your life who are difficult to love. Begin by praying for them. Pray for their salvation if they’re not Christians, and pray for their wellbeing. Think of one or two ways you can show love to your enemies and share the hope of Jesus.

Note after sharing the devotional: one of the latest things I believe God has put on my heart is to learn how to love Him with my all and to love others as myself. The truth is, I care about myself a lot. And I do have people in my life (that I'm on good terms with) that I care about deeply. But the Lord's challenge is to go further than that. Recopying the passage below:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. Matthew 5:43-45, NKJV

I think about my now-in-laws, considering I lived under their roof for three years up until my wedding day. There are things within our relationship that I suspect we will never agree on. I've given up on trying to convince them to change (specifically the one with whom I often sparred) and am satisfied with just being free of them trying to force their beliefs on me. Still, I wish them well in all that they do. As long as what they want doesn't violate my boundaries, I pray for their happiness and fulfilment in all areas of their lives, and that they get to know the Lord's deep love even more than ever. I pray for my father-in-law's salvation, and for the Lord God to shake him of the things that He sees that need to be shaken. I continue to pray for conviction for each of them, that the Lord would purify both of their hearts and give them eyes to see, and to grow in (and retain) wisdom in all manner of things, including how they have continually treated their daughter and my wife from her birth up until now. I ask God for heart-change on both their parts, and that that heart change would be evident without need of proof. And as part of that, I forgive both of them not just for their mistakes but also for their heart-attitudes and mindsets that have led to all the harms that have been caused over the years and decades that have still continued until now.

I think about my folks, specifically my mother and step-father. A lot of what I said in the above paragraph about my in-laws can apply here as well. Although I don't know that I can ever really trust them again, and although I suspect we will never agree on quite a few things within our relationship, I still forgive them and wish them well in all that they do. As long as what they want doesn't violate my boundaries, I pray for their complete happiness and fulfilment in all areas of their lives. I also pray for their salvation, that they come to saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that that knowledge leads to heart-change for them both to such a degree that it would be evident without need of proof.

I also think about a third older married couple that I used to be close with, another sort of pseudo-mother and pseudo-step-father figure. Similar to the previous two paragraphs, a lot of what I've already said can apply to these folks as well. I found there to have been a lot of broken promises in this relationship in particular, and just like in the other cases when I spoke up about relational issues, I received pushback and little else. I suspect here as well, there will be things upon which we will never come to agreement. Nonetheless, I forgive them and wish them happiness and fulfilment in all areas of their lives. I also pray for their salvation, that they too come to saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that that knowledge would lead to heart-change on both their parts that it would be evident to those around them without need of proof.

Outside the family/pseudo-family sphere, I have a couple of former bandmates that were very challenging to work with over time. One of them I've talked about here; the other I referenced very briefly in that same post but only as an accessory to the story. Both of them were manipulative control freaks in their own way, and I foolishly trusted them as older adults (along with several others) who could guide young-adult me into what was still the new and scary world of adulthood. As such, it makes sense that I would have been betrayed and wronged soon enough, given the amount of trust I had in them. Between the two of them, their sins are multitudinous, and neither are saved, although I suspect the second former bandmember has deceived himself into thinking that he is. Still, I forgive them. I pray for their salvation, for them to truly receive Jesus Christ as their Savior, and for them to truly submit to Him as their King and Lord. I pray for their good, and for their happiness and fulfilment as well, so long as it is within the bounds of God's will.

My wife has a few relatives where relations are strained, and where my mother-in-law has periodically tried to pressure us into taking initiative to develop a relationship with them, and then accusing us (my wife, mostly) of unforgiveness when we decline. [Never mind, this comes from a person who habitually holds grudges and only really "forgives" once she gets her revenge or wins the argument in some other way! (Especially against her own daughter.) Still, I choose to forgive her of that and ask God to lead her to real heart-change regarding this pattern.] Similarly, I forgive these various relatives and ask God to save them as well. I pray for their good, their happiness, and their fulfilment, so long as such things are in alignment with God's will.

I know there are others, but the above folks I've vaguely mentioned have been the main ones. I am willing to pray for them, for them to know God's saving love for them. I would still need to see evidence of heart-change in each of them before I would ever trust any of them like I did before. But, I am grateful that just the simple act of praying for others -- and meaning it when I pray -- is available as a tool of forgiveness and heart-change within myself. I thank God for that.

Prayer: God, I forgive them: the people who've cause me pain, the people who've wronged and betrayed me. I forgive them, because You forgave me. Please bless those people, Lord. Transform their lives and bless them like You have blessed me. In Jesus's name, Amen.