Back when I used to be on Facebook, the social networking platform used have all sorts of fun personality quizzes that people could take and then share with their friends. There had to be (figuratively and perhaps literally) a million such quizzes. I partook in quite a few. One of the most memorable ones I saw, but not sure if I partook in, asked the question: which Bible character are you?
Regardless of whether I took the test (and if I did, I certainly do not remember the result!), I spent the better part of a decade reasoning that the Bible character I was most like was Jacob.
Long story short, I'm not like Jacob.
I've been reading about Jacob recently in my Bible-reading program, and what I've been picking up this time around has changed some perceptions I used to have about him and about myself. To back up, in the latter half of last decade I wrestled with God a lot. Although this seems to be a common thing, it's not something I'm proud of. After all, we are called to trust Him even when we don't understand what is going on, or even when it appears that nothing is happening. Being still and simply knowing that He is God does not come naturally for me, and I suspect it doesn't come naturally for most most people.
Earlier in my faith walk, specifically the first couple years I began attending the Vineyard church, I occasionally had a friend or two who would tell me that I reminded them (or perhaps God had brought to mind to them) of King David, who God called a man after His own heart. At the time I didn't quite understand it, but I went with it. Then, as I entered counseling a short while later and began to really uncover my story and my own personal struggles, I became angry, especially as I began to see certain people still in my life who had harmed me continuing to be the way that they were. I wrestled. And, having read through the Bible all the way through by that point, and getting fed via Bible studies and Sunday morning sermons, I felt I connected with Jacob due to the fact that we both struggled with God. As far as I was concerned, I didn't really consider myself like David; I was like Jacob.
There was a point toward the end of the decade where, on top of the unresolved struggles that I had already been enduring, I began to enter a new season of present challenges. I regularly struggled with anger at this point. I said many things in my prayer life that, looking back, not only am I not proud of the things I said, but I'm just grateful that God let me live due to how toxic and sinful I had become at that point. I'm sure I once again reiterated that I was like Jacob in terms of the wrestling I was doing. But I saw a sign that cast that argument down, pointing out that even in my wrestling I was not being like Jacob but rather like Cain.
It took quite a while before I finally understood it, but the reality is that the anger I was not only feeling but also defending, in my "prayer time" with the Lord, had gotten so intense that I was no longer wrestling with Him but instead being outright rebellious and disobedient in my attitude and words. Jacob, in all his imperfections, still sought God. Cain did not; God sought him to try to talk some sense into him before he did something really bad (like murdering his brother Abel). Cain thought, spoke, and then acted (murdered) out of a place of hatred. Unfortunately, the anger I was expressing had gotten to that point, and it needed to be pointed out. Cain.
God did eventually pull me out of that time of trial and bless me, but I had to repent first. My repentance was not only in regards to my relationship and time with Him but also in quite a few other areas of my life that He pointed out. One of those areas was music, which I've blogged about before. In response to my repentance, He restored both the gift and the joy of music-making. David.
As for why I'm not like Jacob like I had thought, the Bible Recap author explained it this way after we had gotten pretty far through his story in Genesis (my paraphrase, not verbatim):
Jacob still lies and manipulates but wants to grow in his walk with God.
Although I have lied and manipulated (I'm not going to pretend I haven't), when I think about the types of sins I have gravitated to over the years, these aren't it. My sins (which I know Jesus has forgiven) include unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, lust, procrastination, avoidance, distraction, and escapism (not the full list but these are the main ones I can think of). Because I realize that I cannot get into heaven on my own righteousness, I receive Jesus's, and in doing so, I make Him King of my life so that He can rid me of the above sins and put me on a good, right, and prosperous path.
As I close this post, I would posit to you that trying to figure out which Biblical character you are is not the most important thing. If this is a question you already have been asking, then, by all means, ask God to reveal to you your character. But more importantly, receive Jesus Christ as your Savior, and then surrender your life to Him as your King and your Lord. This will then result in Jesus forging your character to conform to His will, His way, and His plan for your life.
But now, O Lord,
You are our Father;
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all we are the work of Your hand.
Isaiah 64:8, NKJV