I mentioned a little bit about Soren Kierkegaard last post, but I kinda wanted to devote a separate one to his prayers ["http://www.thewords.com/articles/soren1.htm"]. I became acquainted with these words a few years back, when the St. Olaf Chapel Choir sang Samuel Barber's Prayers of Kierkegaard ["http://www.emusic.com/album/Chicago-Symphony-Orchestra-And-Chorus-Samuel-Barber-The-Lovers-Prayers-Of-Kierkegaard-MP3-Download/10754198.html"] for its spring concert. In some ways it's a statement of faith, kind of like the creeds and the Catechism that Catholic, Anglican, and Episcopal (and other similar denominations) kids have to learn en route to confirmation.
The bit of text that stood out to me from that used for Barber's masterpiece comes in Prayer IV (it's also my current gmail signature): Father in Heaven! Hold not our sins up against us but hold us up against our sins so that the thought of You [when it wakens our soul, and each time it wakens,] should not remind us of what we have committed but of what You did forgive, not of how we went astray but of how You did save us! A lot of people (both in the faith and out) seem to miss this point. It's not about sin and punishment. It's not about that. It's about forgiveness, about turning our hearts. Regardless of what one believes, I imagine it's undeniable how powerful those moments of forgiveness can be.
I'm probably "borrowing" a concept from Keller, but imagine you've been in a nasty car wreck. Imagine that, for whatever reason, life has been a bit of a struggle lately (could be with work, with relationships, with family, etc), and while distracted you rear-ended a stopped car. Imagine that there was no way you could have stopped, so you plow into it at 30 mph. Both cars are probably totaled at this point. Since you caused the wreck, you're on the hook for thousands of dollars, and additional liability (perhaps the other person was hurt in the wreck, and perhaps so were you). Having your insurance spike, on top of medical bills and fixing your own vehicle, your life would seem over, or at least a hell of a lot worse. All this occurred, in spite of your intentions (you never wanted this to happen), past driving record, and perhaps degree of morality in your life. Honestly, very few would blame you for being resentful that all this got dumped on you for no reason at all.
Now, imagine you're the other person. Your car just got totaled while sitting at a red light (or a stop sign), and you're probably hurt. Imagine that you've also been having a number of issues in your life (especially lately), and it's possible that this crash puts you even further in the red. You need the money, and you're probably upset that you did nothing wrong and yet got hit. Very few would blame you for being resentful at the cause of all this.
How do you respond? How should you respond? It's tough; it really is. In January of last year, I got rear-ended on the side of an interstate by a skidding vehicle. I claimed some money off of that to pay for my expenses, thinking that things were worse than they were, and, while spending some, I kept the rest. I prayed for the family of the driver that hit me, that they would get through the ordeal (I did, after all, raise the driver's insurance for a 20-year-old college girl that was probably screaming at the top of her lungs when she realized her car was going to hit mine). I prayed for forgiveness on both sides, because situations like this can get quite emotional and contentious.
In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have made the claim. I'm reasonably positive that I would have made it out of January and February alive, and it wouldn't have needed to come at the cost of burying someone else. After all, that money was the difference between me leaving Minnesota in October vs. leaving Minnesota in December, and I look back sometimes and wonder if I would have been better served leaving sooner. I mean, that money that I did claim from the family of the driver that hit me? All gone; it's as if it never existed.
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I'm not sure how I got from Kierkegaard to my car crash over a year ago. Or maybe I do; I remember it had something to do with forgiveness, though. Oh yeah! Getting back to the hypothetical car crash that I brought up, imagine how much someone's world would be turned if one forgave the other. I mean, the driver that got hit could choose to not place a claim on the driver that caused the crash; or, the latter could cover the claim, and then go cover everything until the former was completely healed. Either of those mind-blowing responses would forge a bond between these two strangers.
I guess the moral is that we as humans have immense struggles with forgiveness, even the very best of us. On the rare occasion that someone manages to completely forgive the other, one can attest that it is a very powerful moment. The idea is that God is way better with forgiveness than even our best, and he does this all the time. Now that is mind-blowing.