One of the dangers of getting back into blogging after taking a hiatus is to willingly become sucked into the addiction of needing to put things out there so people will pay attention for me and give me what I think I want or need. I've clearly not retired, and from here on out I need to re-think how I present my intentions to change from relying on addictions (like the internet) to relying on things I actually, really need (Bible-reading, counseling journaling, calling friends on the phone, etc).
There have been things going on in my own life of late that I would have considered blog-worthy a year ago. I have another place for such things, for which I am grateful. Not that I don't want to share important parts of my life here, too, but I need to continue searching for why I blog and how I should.
I've been in conversation about, and read up further on, my former acquaintance Aaron Swartz. I have to be careful, because I didn't know him outside of that 2000-2001 school year. But with such a poignant topic as suicide, it's hard not to romanticize whatever I knew of the man.
My dad shared a piece ["http://lessig.tumblr.com/post/40347463044/prosecutor-as-bully"] with me written by Swartz' friend and temporary lawyer, Larry Lessig. It is poignant. It triggered some of my own responses from when a teenage girl I'd never heard of, let alone met, let alone knew, committed suicide back in October ["http://confessionbyainsertidentityhere.blogspot.com/2012/10/for-i-know-plans-i-have-for-you.html"]. Last post I'd commented about how Swartz never had a chance to grow up. While I will choose to resist patting myself on the back now that I know how right I was about that, it makes it even harder to cope when bullying comes into play.
Pastor Steve at my church (Evanston Vineyard) ["http://www.evanstonvineyard.org/"] is currently in the midst of a sermon series called "Jesus and Culture," and the first sermon ["http://evine.prod2.webenabled.net/assets/podcasts/2013-01-06_faith-exile.mp3"] of the series described ["http://www.evanstonvineyard.org/blog/201301/jesus-and-culture-faith-exile"] about how Christianity is no longer the basis for morality in our culture and how Christian values are pooh-poohed across the board. Steve boldly declared that we as American Christians are in exile in a strange land, though our own. I'm not sure whether to agree with it as of yet, but I do agree that society has changed, that our morals have changed, and that we have lost a sense of how to really treat each other as human beings.
A sentence from Lessig's blog that stood out to me goes like this: "[Swartz] is gone today, driven to the edge by what a decent society would only call bullying." Unfortunately, my first question is: what is "decent society"? Does it still exist? Is there hope that decency could ever again matter in the way it once seemed? Between Swartz' case and Amanda Todd's case, among countless others, even the Jesus-follower in me struggles to have hope and trends towards pessimism in this.
I'd share the following passage from Ephesians 6:12 ["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+6:12&version=NIV"] "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms[,]" (New International Version) but it seems our "decent society" would rather punish the flesh and blood along with the principalities involved. At the very least, we're too blind to really see what's going on, and that includes many Christians.
When I went back to my commentary on suicide from October, I closed that post with "for I know the plans I have for you" line from Jeremiah 29 ["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=jeremiah%2029&version=NIV"]. I'd forgotten about that. If Pastor Steve is right and we are heading into exile, then that line is prescient to the few Christians who understand what's happening.
Yesterday I went for prayer after the second service and felt the Holy Spirit as I released some pains and sought help. And something that one of my friends who was praying over me said that stuck out: "there is nothing self-centered about asking God to hold you" ... about hogging the attention if I need help for myself. Lessig intimated that Swartz was "unable to appeal openly to us for ... help." Without Christianity playing a central role, we lose our sense of decency and willingness to reach out for help (or give it).
Decency is dead without Christ. So is hope. Swartz died because he lost hope. I just wish that more people would connect the dots. I think Lessig said it best in this post ["http://lessig.tumblr.com/post/40331489608/aaron-rip"]: "We are all incredible sorry to have let you down."
Jesus never would've let Aaron down.