Last night, I blew air into a balloon until it reached a size satisfying to me, and tied a knot. It the first time in my life I'd ever successfully done any of that (let alone all), and it still took me about five minutes to figure out how to tie the knot. I had every reason to give up: the balloon's elastic was wrapped too uncomfortably tightly around my finger, and I just couldn't get the darn tip to wrap through that loop with my finger in it. It was just too dang hard. Giving up has been me my entire life.
Not this time. As I'm beginning to see, I'm pushing through other areas in my life that have held me back, and I knew that I could apply the same fight to the balloon. All I had to do was switch hands, and *voila!* Success!
Another breakthrough came when I noticed that most everyone's balloons were a bit bigger than mine. A habit of mine is to compare my balloon to theirs and see mine as not good enough. I did wish, for a moment, that my balloon could be as big as theirs. But I realized that it was about making mine a size that I liked, and not about comparing mine to others'.
Because of this, my evening went from really crappy to great. I had accomplished something and felt good about myself, not just in this but in other areas that I want to feel proud.
I feel God is preparing to throw me back into the fray. My great evening was then met with mixed emotions during a conversation with someone with whom I will see a movie tonight (I invited like 30 people, she was the only one to respond positively), and with whom I will join a couple other friends for a Bulls game on Tuesday. My fear has set back in. Time to fight through another Good Friday and reach an Easter. It won't be my real Easter (one I'm seeking), but then again we celebrate it every year. So I'm going to push and celebrate another step toward freedom. I'll have to wait to worry about the following step some other time.