I wasn't expecting it to go quite like this.
I think, though, that it's for the best. I've lived my life obsessing over details in an unhealthy way, making things fit in nice little boxes like I think they should, and trumpeting everything that seems important to me and yet inconsequential to just about everyone else.
I have a life. I believe it's worth it. I believe I'm worth it.
I met with a dear brother yesterday who helpfully cleared up many of the worries in my head relating to the two posts ["http://confessionbyainsertidentityhere.blogspot.com/2012/10/letter-to-god-16-october-2012.html"] ["http://confessionbyainsertidentityhere.blogspot.com/2012/10/do-i-dare-say-no-to-lord-my-god.html"] this week. Although the prophecy I received last weekend was technically correct about my present state in life, it was a bit aggressive and led me to believe some things that were not good for my state of being. Ironically, I chatted with the good brother who prophesied, and from further conversation with him -- without even needing to broach the subject! -- I sensed that I needn't fear. We agreed that, with everything, God works in his own time. The pastor to whom I confessed my state of being last Sunday (I needed to clear up with him my shadowy response when he'd asked earlier how I was) reminded me that I needn't force anything. Let God be God. God is the author of all of our lives. The promise that I had been receiving lately will still stand. What promise? I won't be single my entire life. OK. I think I can handle that.
I'm seeing more of the little things that are becoming true in my life. I'm doing more things in my church, which consequently command me to discipline myself and manage my time. Instead of indulging myself with excessive internet use -- or other wasteful things -- spend it in prayer, Bible study, music composition and other positive uses of creativity. And so I shall. I choose to say "yes" to the Lord my God... in everything.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, New International Version ["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%203:1-8&version=NIV"]
In short, I feel like the Holy Spirit nudged me yesterday that it was finally time to step down from blogging. Doing so hasn't been as easy as I would have liked. I don't know that I have said all I've wanted to on here, but I also know that I don't need to. It's time to move on to different things, precisely what I was alluding to two paragraphs ago.
I just wanted to share one more thing, something that I found interesting, given what I've been processing lately: today's "Verse of the Day" on Biblegateway.com's homepage ["http://biblegateway.com/"] said this:
“Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
Psalm 37:4 King James Version
Amen!