One of the biggest pet peeves that I've had for as long as I can remember has been self-righteous people who have nothing better to do than judge and complain and push their own personal agenda. Even though today is "Time-Change Sunday," fall edition (i.e. we gain an extra hour) I was awakened at 5 AM (4 AM new time), initially for physical reasons, but, ultimately for spiritual reasons. I've been up for the last few hours since, and I've since come to realize that the best medicine for this type of anxiety and restlessness is to spend time in the Word of God. The spiritual reasons for my being awakened this early are the same reasons that really stunted my sleep a couple weekends ago, albeit to a more extreme degree then. (Footnote: I'm on Central Time, but the timestamp on blog has always been put on Pacific Time, for reasons that defy me. It states that this blog was posted at 5:21 AM, but really, I posted this at 7:21 AM.)
I understand my own accountability for my thoughts, words, feelings, and actions. I have my own relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is not shy about convicting me of things when I need to be convicted. Even now, I'm finding a couple results of the move of the Holy Spirit regarding taking initiative on two things for sure, and both revolve around building community. There have been conversations had in my household over the last few weeks (and really, these are on top of the environment of this household that has been there as long as I've lived here) that have begun the thinking process on getting more community for myself and by extension for my love.
In 2020 and in 2021, things were trending the opposite way. The issue wasn't whether I had too much community, but rather that much of it was the wrong community. This led to a massive culling of said communities, and because of COVID (and other things), it really was more of a hunkering down and minimizing those that I interacted with and let into my life.
[Side note: I realize I'm saying "community" a lot, but I'm really just writing this how I would verbally say it out loud.]
As grateful as I've been for a few key members of influence in my life especially in 2020 and 2021, I've come to realize that I need more voices in my life, Godly voices, encouraging voices, and certainly not the types of voices that, in my opinion, would lead Jesus to say this: (this was one of the devotionals that arrived in my inbox this morning)
“The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. They love the best places at feasts, the best seats in the synagogues, greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by men, ‘Rabbi, Rabbi.’ But you, do not be called ‘Rabbi’; for One is your Teacher, the Christ, and you are all brethren. Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.
Some of the conversations that I've been a part of lately have felt like what Jesus has described about the Pharisees: for they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. How I look at this could be potentially made to say: to these Pharisees, it is not enough for the citizens to follow God's laws only, but rather that the citizens also please them and the whims of their hearts in addition to or even on top of pleasing the Lord.
Further down in the chapter, Jesus states this:
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. Blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel! “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.
I have long been a firm believer of personal justice. That said, I agree that I need to be careful that personal justice not yet met does not lead to anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness. That is harder said than done. In my own life, in my own flesh, I've had to say: I choose to forgive, but only because of this... or, but only on these grounds... but, the key line remains: I choose to forgive. Forgiveness is and must be unconditional. No exceptions.
[OK, it appears I may have contradicted myself. I will therefore clarify my statements above. Nowhere do I ever say: I choose to forgive, but only if... No, this truly would be conditional forgiveness. That "only if" is conditional on, if the other person does this... or, if the other person stops doing that... As a result, with God's help, I have made sure to no longer set up a decision to forgive based on that. So, when I say: I choose to forgive, but only on these grounds... what I mean by "these grounds" is simply that, I forgive fully and freely, but know that I still firmly believe that this person is selfish, arrogant, and prideful, and unless they prove otherwise, this is where I stand, and this is how I will continue to see them. But I will no longer allow myself to be angry or hateful towards this person.]
In my life, I have learned the necessity of setting boundaries with people. I will not claim to do this perfectly. These conversations often are messy, and the anxiety with which I woke up this morning was a result of my continuing to try to set boundaries with the individual with whom I conversed with last night - an individual, I might add, who somehow neither understands nor agrees with this concept of someone else setting boundaries with them.
Another way to put it regarding having culled my community down to the stakes a couple years back:
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV
The time will soon arrive to cull a few key members of my community. But I'm also realizing that, before I do so, I need to plant again, for the sake of both my salvation and that of my love's.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;