If there's anyone still reading this, you may or may not know that I am a composer/songwriter. It's not a topic I talk about often on the blog, not lately, and not really ever. Briefly, my composing/songwriting history begins with choral anthems and then solo piano pieces. During high school and college, I learned how to write for all sorts of classical ensembles, ranging from unusual groups like solo tenor and bassoon, to a full orchestra. After college, I began trying to songwrite. It wasn't until I was in several different jazz/blues/rock/praise bands that I got to experience what writing for the genre was really like, like how the guitar worked, how the bass guitar functioned (I had some knowledge from writing bass choir parts and organ pedal parts), and so on. To this day, I barely understand drums still.
However, by 2019 I was in the biggest compositional/songwriting drought of my life. I had been in droughts before, but only for maybe a very short while, and I always came out of it. In 2019, though, it was long, and it was bad. Case in point: after passing on a couple opportunities to attend a songwriter's workshop at my own church (I had a schedule conflict, but looking back, I could have moved it), I finally signed up for one. But it was at a church on the far side of Chicago. Hence I had to drive a while to get there. I left a touch later than I wanted (I did plan it out), but as I kept driving toward the location of the workshop, traffic got progressively worse. I gave up about halfway through, when it became clear that if I were to go, I would have already missed half of it. That's how badly traffic increased. I went instead to a Starbuck's on the return trip home, hoping I might be able to jot down some notes. I mean, I came ready to compose.
I couldn't write anything down. Absolutely no inspiration came. I mustered a few quarter notes and some letters, but I lapsed into jotting down my frustrations right on the music paper. It was disappointing, but also eye-opening. I was reflecting on how, in other difficult and painful seasons of my life, no matter how difficult or painful, I could at least count on being able to put my pain into music, and this time I couldn't. Driving home that day, I saw a bumper sticker that said "do not put God in a box." As I prayed and reflected, it dawned on me that I had been taking glory that rightfully belonged to God. Certainly in terms of music, but also across all aspects of my life.
In context, this was the year that I ended my piano teaching practice, and faced in full force the necessity of changing careers. I couldn't do music the way I was doing it as a means of earning a living. I was also, in other ways, disappointed and/or drained by various relationships I had developed with other musicians during those years, and was consumed by it. And of course, my faith was still on life support at the time, if that.
What I wanted to get to today was that I did hit a point where I told God: "I miss it when it was just You and me." (specifically in regards to music-making) I do believe He heard that. Much of my childhood music experience was marked by worshipping Him, after all. Granted, my praise to God was in the form of a choir, and oftentimes a pipe organ. That, and improvising on the piano. And He did give back to me the gift of composing and songwriting. But one thing that I started doing, if for no other reason than to remind me who really wrote the piece of music I just notated, was to write "Soli Deo Gloria," something Johann Sebastian Bach wrote on all his pieces. I don't remember every time I finish notating and formatting a composition, but I try to as often as I think of it.
One of my unofficial goals is to set as much of Scripture, particularly the Psalms, to music. To date, I have set... ok, check that, GOD and I* have set the following Psalms to music (the list includes completed projects as well as a few in-progress projects): 1, 2, 6, 8, 22, 23, 24, 42, 43, 46, 54, 67, 95, 121, 122, 130, 135... and those are only the ones I could think of while writing this post. I've also set parts of Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Galatians, the Gospels, Isaiah, 1st Thessalonians, Revelation, Numbers, and other books that I'm not thinking of as I'm writing this post. I think it best that I not try to state any other specific goals, because I want to let God direct and inspire that.
In the last year, I've gotten away from playing in rock bands, so the music I've written has reflected that change. Interestingly, I've been writing more a cappella choir music (choir music without organ), as well as a few piano pieces.
In this time of change in my life and circumstances, I may not be able to write as much as I had. But I'm trusting that it will return at some point. I still periodically have ideas that come through my mind, but I forget before I had the opportunity to notate them. It happens. My trust is that whatever God wants me to write down, He'll put it to me when I have the opportunity to do so.