One of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples." He said to them, "When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us. And do not bring us to the time of trial." And he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.' And he answers from within, 'Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.' I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs. So I say to you, ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. ... If you then ... know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (Luke 11: 1-10, 13)
During my last two years in New York, every Friday the 7th and 8th graders would go attend a youth group called "Focus," which predictably would include food, games, and Biblical study (mostly Psalm study, actually). One theme I kept hearing was how we never deserved anything (good) because of our humanly unworthiness, but because of God's graciousness we were able to partake in them. Over the years I seemed to adopt the first half of that, and during my high school years I never thought about asking God for anything because, given the lesson(s) imparted from Focus, I knew deep down I didn't deserve them. Thankfully that began to change when I started going to FCA during my first year at St. Olaf, but even in college -- and since college -- I still have struggled to just outright ask, let alone be persistent, as verses 8-10 recommend.
I know this, because a few days ago I had been persisting in calling back this one place I'd had an interview a week earlier, but the night before I was to call for the final time, I'd prayed to God about this job. But in this prayer I wasn't sure what to ask for, because I didn't want to change God's will for me. I didn't ask to get this job specifically; technically I just asked for a resolution, and for it to be his will, regardless of which way it went. And maybe that was the issue. See, another thing I picked up from FCA was trying to see what God was planning for me, and trying (and often failing) to follow it; instead of trying to put my own wishes on him.
This morning I once again opened the scripture to a random page, and it happened to be Luke 11. Maybe it means I should stop worrying about going against his plan by not asking for anything, and actually be persistent in what I want or need. At this point in my life, it's time to stop being a child and actually take charge of my life like an adult. I'm now into my second year post-college, and this is essentially the juncture where I have to decide whether I'm going to strive for a decent career, or be stuck with minimum-wage dead-end jobs. I sincerely hope it's the former, but now it's time to put hopes into action. Persistence isn't really one of my strong suits, but if I am to survive and thrive, it will have to become one.