Lately I started getting caught up on archiving old blog posts again (if I'm ever called to write a book, I firmly believe that said book would be a collection of most, if not all, these posts), and I felt drawn to re-read an old series from June 2023 (see posts here, here, here, here, and here). It's interesting, now that I've been more years down the pike in my new life with my girlfriend-turned-fiancée-turned wife, how much priorities have shifted. Aside from my childhood best friend, I've let a few other friendships die off, for all sorts of reasons. Working on practicing 1 Corinthians 15:33 (Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”) has been both hard and freeing at the same time.
Another Bible verse that seems to apply very aptly here is John 15:1-2 (“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.). It's not just the friendships I've dropped--in addition to my childhood best friend (who admittedly dropped me, but it's still to my benefit), I ended up saying goodbye to a our mutual flying-aficionado friend because, like with my childhood best friend, I felt like our friendship at its current stage no longer suited either of us; as well as several others from my music-business years--but also the friendships I've kept but allowed God to prune.
One main example is my friend who was my best man at my wedding and with whom I maintain weekly calls. Even though church was the initial function of our friendship, it didn't take off until we were both in therapy working on healing from various different traumas and wounds. That key aspect of our friendship helped to serve both of our respective healing and personal growth paths. However, we both ended up downsizing our therapy footprints (I believe at God's leading) and redirected our focus to our respective relationships with the Lord and to what He was calling each of us to do. We still check in and talk about difficulties in our lives. But we also regularly try to focus on our respective walks with God, encouraging one another in the faith, and give God praise and glory as well. Connecting with each other has moved from a therapy-centered lens to a faith-centered lens. That was God's pruning in action. About a month or two ago, we both commented and agreed that, especially in light of all the different various life changes for us both, we will be lifetime friends. I smile at the the thought of it.
Additionally, and especially over the last few months, I felt God highlight several friendships within my current church to push forward in, including my pastor and one of the key elders at church. Additionally, a few other friends have come into view for fellowship and connecting for fun. In retrospect, I think this might have only been made possible upon moving out of my now-in-laws' house upon marriage, as they tended to dominate my wife's and my church experience as well as connections with others. Fellowship with other church members almost always tended to also include them. Bottom line, however, is that with our relationship with them restructured in ways consistent with children grown up and moved out of the house, it has finally allowed my wife and me to develop our own relationships and connections with others without the in-laws' influence.
Sometimes, though, other existing friendships get strengthened unexpectedly. Aside from my best man, I've been blessed and privileged to reconnect and strengthen friendships with three other men that I also knew from my former church. These are men I've known for 15 years, and have experienced different ebbs and flows in each individual friendship. But because they are Biblical men in both knowledge and inclination, God has allowed space for a new and greater depth of connection to flourish, in large part because we have all grown in maturity and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ through Scripture.
One cool tidbit that can happen, with the fruits of the Holy Spirit's work, especially as I've found it in me, is that sometimes by letting certain things slip that I wouldn't have in previous seasons, reveals just how far I have allowed God to shift my loyalties. I was privileged to be part of a healing/support conversation with two friends recently, one of whom had a need, and in a situation where God had given me knowledge and experience to support him and help him out. In that conversation, as I was listening and hearing God bring various truths and personal anecdotes to mind, I had let slip regarding my childhood best friend's sexual self-proclamation, as well as our friendship status.
After I had let that slip, the other man at that table, who knew my childhood best friend and with whom we had gone on a few adventures together (none of which included flying), was honestly surprised and expressed as such. And I realized in that moment that I too was shocked I had let it slip out. I don't believe it was necessarily wrong for me to do so, but it was noteworthy because for the time "way back when" in which these friends from different circles had known each other, I used to work so hard to keep my gay friend's self-proclamation a secret. In the past, I didn't want my "Bible-thumping" friends disparaging my childhood best friend. However, after the passage of time, the changing of loyalties, and the loss and gain of friendships (including with my childhood best friend), there really was no longer any reason to hide it. After all, I was (and am) pro-Biblical marriage. And, because it is now almost five years since I was last in contact with my gay ex-friend, while I'm strengthening (and being strengthened) by my Bible-believing friends, including these two men, there was no reason to protect a silly little fact from two dear friends regarding someone who was no longer in my life.
I look forward to seeing what God will do in the future. In 2022, when I led that Bible study for 10 months, I felt God gave me a picture of what organic fellowship can look like when mixing Bible-believing individuals from different churches. Strengthening friendships with the three men from my previous church, as well as several others from my current church, may someday provide a platform to create space for new friendships to form yet again. I still remember how God made it happen my junior year in college. At least five other men from three different social circles that I was a part of came together, with God's help, to bond over common interests and talking about life. My heart is full when this type of fellowship takes place.
One area of continued growth needed: I still battle temptation to want to meet up with and have reunions with various different people from my past. I made a declaration this past summer that I was done with it, and I must stick to it. If God does want me to reconnect with anyone that I've fallen out of touch with, I trust that He will make that happen. I am learning the beauty of a balance between a few choice truly valuable friendships and solitude, rather than trying to not miss out and fit in instead. I got the girl (she's now my wife). I got the close friends, with the possibility of bringing on a few more to bond and grow in faith together. But God is faithful through it all.
As for the fear of missing out, the real fear is missing out on eternity with Jesus Christ in heaven. If you don't have Him as your King and Savior, you will indeed miss out. How to not miss out? Surrender your life to Jesus and submit your will to Him. Let Him into your heart and surrender every area of your heart and your life to Him. And most importantly, do it today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed; you don't know how much time you have on this earth. Today is the day of salvation!!