Ty Rawlings ended up being inspired by two different people – a result of two things at work in the “Faraway State of Mind” series: 1.) when writing these stories, I’ve tried to base each character off of composites of people I knew so as to further conceal their identities; however, each character tends to also have one person who is the predominant inspiration. 2.) in the case of Ty, his functional role in stories #5 and #6 were vastly different due to the subject matter, and as such, required a different person in my life to inspire his role (also because I don’t really want to invent a whole new character just to fill the role!). That said, given that Ty is a later introduction to the story series, it’s too soon to tell which friend he will become more like.
However, I also wouldn’t be bringing him up as a person I
really want to share my gratitude for if there wasn’t someone I for sure want
to highlight. What also makes this easier is that I’ve been out of touch with
the “other” friend for a couple of years now (we drifted apart amicably), so
I’ll primarily focus on the individual with whom I’m still doing life.
I first met Ty (the friend I’m still doing life with) at the
Vineyard right when I began attending the church. I in fact don’t remember our
very first meeting. But a few weeks later, we chatted at an evening event and
made plans to meet to work on a creative project (this I do remember). Over the
course of a few meetings here and there, we started making plans to hang out
for fun and not just for the purpose of completing a project.
It wasn’t until a couple of years later when Ty also began
occasionally attending retreats put on by the Place, that our friendship really
began to grow and develop. For several years (long enough that I’ve lost count)
we made a habit of visiting once every two weeks for a few hours to check in,
pray, provide accountability and support, watch movies, walk to the beach, etc.
Additionally, I would include him in some of the same activities that I
included Max, including annual Christmas tree decorating parties and trips to
the Botanic Gardens and the local train museum.
Our friendship didn’t come or grow without bumps in the
road. One primary issue we had to continually resolve for a while was maintaining
regular and intentional connection between us. For Ty, this was paramount. It
took a few cycles of my messing this up, then realizing and correcting this
habit. He did bear with me when I would lapse in my communication with him. For
me, it was due to being overwhelmed with life every so often, to the point that
I shut down. For him, it was hurtful, even though I hadn’t intended it that
way. But he bore with me through it. The change that my realizing this pattern
brought was setting up weekly phone calls, which also spurred me to reach out
to Max to do the same.
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Colossians 3:12-13, NKJV
Today, my friendship with Ty continues to strengthen as we
regularly comment on our calls about how the work God is doing in his life has
been dovetailing the work He is doing in mine. Even though there is still a bit
of an age difference between us, and Ty will not be getting married anytime
soon, we still have many commonalities in our respective walks with God and to
what He is leading each of us to do.
Since COVID, he and I have only physically gotten together
on a rare basis. (We do video chats for our calls, initially brought on since
the pandemic’s first wave.) But when we do, it’s always been and continues to
be a treat. The last time we got together, in September, we hung out for about
6 hours (maybe 7). But, as we were wrapping up our day together, we each agreed
that it felt like only a couple hours had passed, if that.
Ty will also be my best man at my wedding, which I am very
excited about, as is he.
As for the other man who inspired Ty’s character,
specifically in “Faraway State of Mind 6,” he was one of my closest support
members in a second group I was in at the Place, and who strongly encouraged me
to take the first bold steps into the world of dating. In group, we had a great
friendship. Outside of group, he had his own life (wife and kids) and as such,
the opportunity wasn’t there in the same way for a friendship to develop as it
has with Max and the first man who inspired Ty’s character. We did manage to
stay in touch for a short while after I “graduated” from the group, but life
ended up getting in the way for both of us. As I was praying about whether to
continue pursuing this friendship, I got the sense that it was better to let
this one go, especially considering the direction in which I was moving.
Nonetheless, I am grateful for both men, for the one who continues
to enrich my life and propel me to grow in my faith (and who has been very
supportive of me during the current challenges in my life), as well as the
other man who was also a big support for me in the time that we had together.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NKJV
