“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, Matthew 5:43-44, NKJV
Note before sharing the devotional: normally a devotional like this would stir up anger and resistance, but this time around it didn't. The line from the below devotional that really helped get past my defenses and reach my heart is the following: Take a moment to consider some people in your life who are difficult to love. Begin by praying for them. Pray for their salvation if they’re not Christians, and pray for their wellbeing.
After the devotional, I will take the rare step of breaking the fourth wall (I'll still keep their names confidential, however) and pray over them. Because with God's help, I've been able to get myself to a place of praying for their wellbeing (and salvation if necessary).
Loving Difficult People
Matthew 5-7 is often referred to as The Sermon on the Mount, which is a series of teachings that Jesus gives near the beginning of His ministry. Most of what Jesus talks about is not necessarily new teaching, but rather a reorientation of how the Jewish people understood the Old Testament laws.
It's easy to love people who are close to us. It’s also easy to love those who are similar to us, and even those who love us as well. But Jesus’ command isn’t just to love those who are easy to love. Jesus says we should also love our enemies.
He also says to pray for those who persecute us. This isn’t a prayer for them to stay away, but rather a prayer for their good. We should be praying for the salvation of those who intend us harm, asking that they would recognize their actions and turn to God.
This is how God treated us. When we were enemies of God, He still showed love to us. He gave us breath and life, and also sent Jesus to restore our relationship with Him.
Take a moment to consider some people in your life who are difficult to love. Begin by praying for them. Pray for their salvation if they’re not Christians, and pray for their wellbeing. Think of one or two ways you can show love to your enemies and share the hope of Jesus.
Note after sharing the devotional: one of the latest things I believe God has put on my heart is to learn how to love Him with my all and to love others as myself. The truth is, I care about myself a lot. And I do have people in my life (that I'm on good terms with) that I care about deeply. But the Lord's challenge is to go further than that. Recopying the passage below:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. Matthew 5:43-45, NKJV
I think about my now-in-laws, considering I lived under their roof for three years up until my wedding day. There are things within our relationship that I suspect we will never agree on. I've given up on trying to convince them to change (specifically the one with whom I often sparred) and am satisfied with just being free of them trying to force their beliefs on me. Still, I wish them well in all that they do. As long as what they want doesn't violate my boundaries, I pray for their happiness and fulfilment in all areas of their lives, and that they get to know the Lord's deep love even more than ever. I pray for my father-in-law's salvation, and for the Lord God to shake him of the things that He sees that need to be shaken. I continue to pray for conviction for each of them, that the Lord would purify both of their hearts and give them eyes to see, and to grow in (and retain) wisdom in all manner of things, including how they have continually treated their daughter and my wife from her birth up until now. I ask God for heart-change on both their parts, and that that heart change would be evident without need of proof. And as part of that, I forgive both of them not just for their mistakes but also for their heart-attitudes and mindsets that have led to all the harms that have been caused over the years and decades that have still continued until now.
I think about my folks, specifically my mother and step-father. A lot of what I said in the above paragraph about my in-laws can apply here as well. Although I don't know that I can ever really trust them again, and although I suspect we will never agree on quite a few things within our relationship, I still forgive them and wish them well in all that they do. As long as what they want doesn't violate my boundaries, I pray for their complete happiness and fulfilment in all areas of their lives. I also pray for their salvation, that they come to saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that that knowledge leads to heart-change for them both to such a degree that it would be evident without need of proof.
I also think about a third older married couple that I used to be close with, another sort of pseudo-mother and pseudo-step-father figure. Similar to the previous two paragraphs, a lot of what I've already said can apply to these folks as well. I found there to have been a lot of broken promises in this relationship in particular, and just like in the other cases when I spoke up about relational issues, I received pushback and little else. I suspect here as well, there will be things upon which we will never come to agreement. Nonetheless, I forgive them and wish them happiness and fulfilment in all areas of their lives. I also pray for their salvation, that they too come to saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that that knowledge would lead to heart-change on both their parts that it would be evident to those around them without need of proof.
Outside the family/pseudo-family sphere, I have a couple of former bandmates that were very challenging to work with over time. One of them I've talked about here; the other I referenced very briefly in that same post but only as an accessory to the story. Both of them were manipulative control freaks in their own way, and I foolishly trusted them as older adults (along with several others) who could guide young-adult me into what was still the new and scary world of adulthood. As such, it makes sense that I would have been betrayed and wronged soon enough, given the amount of trust I had in them. Between the two of them, their sins are multitudinous, and neither are saved, although I suspect the second former bandmember has deceived himself into thinking that he is. Still, I forgive them. I pray for their salvation, for them to truly receive Jesus Christ as their Savior, and for them to truly submit to Him as their King and Lord. I pray for their good, and for their happiness and fulfilment as well, so long as it is within the bounds of God's will.
My wife has a few relatives where relations are strained, and where my mother-in-law has periodically tried to pressure us into taking initiative to develop a relationship with them, and then accusing us (my wife, mostly) of unforgiveness when we decline. [Never mind, this comes from a person who habitually holds grudges and only really "forgives" once she gets her revenge or wins the argument in some other way! (Especially against her own daughter.) Still, I choose to forgive her of that and ask God to lead her to real heart-change regarding this pattern.] Similarly, I forgive these various relatives and ask God to save them as well. I pray for their good, their happiness, and their fulfilment, so long as such things are in alignment with God's will.
I know there are others, but the above folks I've vaguely mentioned have been the main ones. I am willing to pray for them, for them to know God's saving love for them. I would still need to see evidence of heart-change in each of them before I would ever trust any of them like I did before. But, I am grateful that just the simple act of praying for others -- and meaning it when I pray -- is available as a tool of forgiveness and heart-change within myself. I thank God for that.
Prayer: God, I forgive them: the people who've cause me pain, the people who've wronged and betrayed me. I forgive them, because You forgave me. Please bless those people, Lord. Transform their lives and bless them like You have blessed me. In Jesus's name, Amen.
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