Growing up, the consensus I got from adults was that turning forty meant someone was no longer young. The concept of the "mid-life crisis" drove home the point that, once someone hits this milestone, they're old and over the hill. As a sports fan, I noted that, pretty much without fail, all athletes were done and retired by the time they turned forty. Even someone like Michael Jordan, as great as he was, eventually had to walk away from the game. I remember thinking, ok, so athletes won't be as good as they once were once they're in their forties, but surely, at least the best of the best can still compete with the younger generations, right? Unfortunately, no matter the sport, be it basketball, baseball, football, hockey, soccer, etc., every athlete, as they aged, always got to a point where either their skills or their body really and truly could not keep up with a twenty-five-year-old who at best may be half as good as they were.
I got to see each of my parents turn forty, and for a while, I too saw them as "old." But not in the condescending way that I think accompanied the mindset of seeing someone as "old" and "over the hill." Both of my parents were still my parents, just as capable as each of them was when they were thirty-nine. It was more that, they were no longer "young" in the sense of being indestructible and moreso the idea that they would be and look as young as they did forever. Of course, I was in my pre-adolescent and adolescent years when each of them hit the milestone, so my perspective on age, aside from what I'd heard and read, really came from a lack of understanding as to what being much older than I was at the time was like.
However, some years after that point, when I was in a dark place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I started looking to those "older" years with longing, out of a place of hope that, by that point, I would be better. While my views were transitioning on the idea of what being forty meant, I was admittedly still holding on to this idea that forty meant "not young anymore," but also adapting a different kind of idea that I had had about my age as a kid, to what life might be like once I turn forty. That idea was simply this: "another year older, another year better."
I was in my teens and twenties when a new popular idea came out: "forty is the new thirty." That, along with similar ideas such as "thirty is the new twenty," and "fifty is the new forty," helped a little, but I was old enough by that point to start deciding (at least on some level) what ideas I would choose to believe vs. what ideas I would choose not to believe. This kind of fit the latter category, primarily because it wasn't evident in the world around me. Besides, by that point, I had not only seen my parents turn forty but then advance through their forties, to the point that, yes, they looked different from when they were in their thirties.
But even as I kind of rejected the idea of fifty being the new forty, etc., what helped me take a positive approach is the idea I had (and still have, to a degree) of "another year older, another year better." As I entered nominal adulthood and realized that having a twenty-something-year-old body meant nothing if the mental, emotional, and spiritual areas of my life weren't right, I yearned for a place that I would someday be that I still could not yet imagine, even at the cost of having an older body. Coming to faith in Jesus, and entering intensive counseling helped with that.
What also helped was, at the beginning of my healing journey, I made a conscious decision to cut out almost all friends and social groups my age, as well as almost all events where my literal peer-age group were involved. I already had a few friends that were 20, 25, 30, 35 years older than me; I intently made more friends that were substantially older. I knew that they had wisdom and maturity, even in spite of their older bodies with more mileage on them. And I got to see that, among other things, being forty years old was very young compared with the ages they all were at the time. It was really good to know that there was the potential for a lot of life -- and more specifically, a lot of enjoyment of life -- to happen after forty. I learned a lot from all of them, and I'm still learning from them.
I am not yet forty. But I soon will be. "Soon" is kind of a relative term; I am definitely in my thirties, and have been for some time. My body has already shown many signs of "you're not only not in your twenties, but you also haven't been in your twenties for quite some time." But I have a much better perspective on life, especially my life, than I ever have. I have been able to move on from almost all of the sources of darkness that affected me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, for which I am grateful, first and foremost to Jesus, but also for those whom He put in my life to assist me and walk alongside me during that time.
My hope and belief, something that I began coming up with when I turned thirty, was that my forties would be the prime of my life. If ages thirty through sixty were the middle trimester of what I hope would be my lifespan, as well as the most productive and marketable years of my career, then I would also hope that the forties would be the peak of that as well. (Not that I would suddenly be "over the hill" once I hit my fifties, but rather that they would be similarly productive and marketable as when I was in my thirties. And so on.) I still hold that hope.
As for the "midlife crisis," if it still exists, I have a hypothesis: people who have mid-life crises never allowed themselves to age beyond their mid-twenties in the first place. You can only be twenty-six once. (I was, and am happy to not be that age anymore! Even if my body was in wonderful shape.) People who get shocked at turning forty tend to think: "where did the time go? I only graduated from college (at 22) only a few years ago! Has it really been that long ago??" Something along those lines.
I think we need to stop lying to ourselves about our age. I grew up with adults who practiced that, and some of my older-generation adult friends during my therapy years did the same. Looking back, the saddest thing is, they were deceiving themselves the most. When we not only accept our age but embrace it, I think that's the recipe for aging well. Along with taking care of our bodies.
I'm not going to rush turning forty. Once I do, I realize I will never again be in my thirties. I would prefer to enjoy the rest of my thirties while they're here, and then say goodbye so that I can then begin to embrace my forties. The best is still yet to come.