Faith: it brings your life together; does it end curses? Update

I rarely write update posts, especially when they span more than a few months, let alone a few years. But sometime recently I took to reading back through some of my early posts, taking particular interest in the rather long-winding ones that reflect on faith, thankfulness, or life in some other deep sense. After a few years had passed after I wrote the May 31, 2005 post, [“http://amidthenoiseandhaste2.blogspot.com/2005/05/faith-it-brings-your-life-together.html”] I realized that I may have to give an update, another sort of checking-in from this particular standpoint.

I believe I based the format of that post from a particular episode (a season finale, perhaps?) of Stargate Atlantis, [“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate_Atlantis”] where scientist Rodney McKay [“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodney_McKay”] is saying his goodbyes. During these speeches he continually got off track, probably launching into stories before catching himself and saying something along the lines of: "now, I'd like to return to a topic that's very dear to my heart: leadership." I guess I thought it was pretty funny, so I tried to accomplish something similar to what McKay did, but replace "leadership" with "faith." And why not? I easily got off-topic mid-paragraph anyway; it was like a weird habit that only finally began to go away once I was drilled by my music history professor on how exactly to write my papers.

So, to address the title outright, this post will mostly be divided into two main parts from here on out: 1.) faith as bringing my life together, which it most certainly has done; and 2.) tackling the issue of curses. Five years ago I had my first genuine experience with charismatic Christianity, and a strong spiritual sense of community that had failed me at the end of my time at the church in which I grew up. I saw that my FCA friends clearly loved each other as brothers and sisters in Christ (there were a few eventual couples in budding relationships as well), and many of them welcomed me with open arms and open hearts to the faith. I suppose my getting up and telling my story at Lon's house over interim helped, as it was the reaching-out on my part that allowed them to reach back to me.

Probably the biggest thing that faith had done for me was keep me alive. I was still very socially inept, having had mountain-loads of bad experiences as a kid outweighing the anthill-loads of good experiences and killing my confidence; and my immaturity had me thinking about myself and how other people could help me rather than the converse (where I would focus on helping them). I suppose it's just as well; I was 19 when this re-entry into faith happened, and all things considered I was in no condition to lead.

But faith kept me alive because it allowed me the experiences of seeing other people support me and show me that they at least cared about me somewhat. It kept me alive over the following semester, when we were all bogged down with carrying four credits and didn't have as much time for each other. It kept me alive the following summer, when I cooped myself up in the apartment because I didn't know how to get a job or have the confidence to reach out to other people to hang out. It sustained me through the following school year, when I became so depressed that I considered dropping out of school to get some stuff figured out. And it's sustained me through the more recent years, especially when I hit my second exile 2 1/2 years ago, and then when I found myself looking for work over the last nine months.

And it rewarded me when I returned to Chicago after running out of money. A friend of mine suggested I check out Vineyard back in January; I went, completely on faith that this church wouldn't scare me with whatever doctrines I feared that it might have spewed on my first day there. I kept going to Vineyard, still on this faith that it wouldn't turn me away if any political, social or doctrinal issues should come up. I've been going for a little over three months now, and many of my friends there and I greet each other with open arms and hearts on a regular basis.

It's kind of funny; had I not trusted in God even when I was lost, skeptical, and depressed, I wouldn't have been here. I wouldn't have gotten to meet so many amazing people -- Jeremiah, Greg, Johann, Alan, Alison, Karen, Jason, Erin, Melissa, Chris, Nell, Jamie, Ryan, Kareen, Michelle, Brian, Brandon, David, Rosa, and countless others -- with whom to support and be supported through God's grace. In spite of my occasional gripes about still being unemployed, the worst of it ended when I moved back in December. Faith brought my life together; when I look back at some places I've traveled on the highway, I find it amazing that I'm still here.

Trying to answer whether or not it ends curses is a bit tricky. On the one hand, I can easily say it does, because in the Gospels Jesus often heals someone who is sick in body, or in mind, or in spirit. [One must conclude that these illnesses were indeed curses.] But on the other hand, when I was writing the initial post, I was thinking specifically about the Chicago Cubs' pennant drought. At that time, the Boston Red Sox had recently jettisoned one of their own, and because of it I had hope that my beloved Cubbies would then be free to do the same.

The problem with this is, I have no control over whether the Cubs win or lose. As a fan, the closest thing I could do is deflect a playable ball at the edge of the playing field (much like this man did [“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Bartman_incident”] [“http://www.nndb.com/people/979/000026901/“] [“http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=bartman”]); but unless I was directly responsible for play in the field, either as a player or a manager, the prospect of the Cubs finally winning when it counts is out of my hands.

The thing I've learned in the last few years, though, is coming to terms with it. It helped that when they lost in 2008 (the centennial of their last championship), a lot of the pressure that had built up over the course of the previous decade: oh no! don't let the Cubs go 100 years before winning one! we gotta win one now! Aaaaaggghhhh!!! ...it went away. But I also did some self-examination as to why I cared so much about this, why I even rooted for this particular team at all: turns out it keeps me humble, it balances everything out. I grew up with the Bulls when they were winning every year, and briefly followed the Yankees when I was in New York during the late nineties (I still have a Derek Jeter poster from 1996). One might infer I was spoiled because of this. And we know how well being spoiled turns out in the Bible:

A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'" "All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said. When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

--Luke 18:18-25, NIV [“http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+18&version=NIV”]

In order for me to remain as blessed as I am, God gave me the Cubs for me to learn that putting faith in human affairs (in this case sports) is futile. Even if they were to win the world series in the relatively near future, what good does that do for me? I can't take the team with me when I die (although some people have tried, I'm sure...), because they and I will all perish at our appointed times. As a result, asking if faith will end the Cubs' "curse" is rather pointless. God has the power to do anything and everything, and as a Cubs fun I have to trust that everything involved in this particular realm is strictly up to him. It's hard to do, but at the same time he commands many of us to accomplish difficult tasks in our lives.

Having reconciled the "other" hand, I think I can finally settle on not just an answer, but one that I feel is well-thought out: yes. Death is the worst curse, and faith (and love) is stronger than death. Therefore faith -- I should probably specify this as faith in God -- is stronger than any curse. But the trick is to not get distracted and taken up in earthly moments, such as a Cubs game, playoffs notwithstanding.

To conclude somewhat, curses tears your life apart. Just ask anyone after a heartbreaking playoff loss; they're really depressed and don't know how to go on living, at least for the time being. Because of this particular event, many feel like their lives are over and either a.) want to crawl into a hole, or b.) kill themselves. I would know; I've been in similar spots to these at many junctures on the highway I've been traveling on. But faith has a funny way of bringing people back up, largely through community, encouragement, prayer/meditation, and above all, love.

Anyways, I'm sort of proud to say I didn't go off-topic this time. Cheers!

So last night I dreamed

So last night I dreamed that the United States got hit with nuclear missiles. In the dream I believe China was responsible, but post-somniac logic suggests that perhaps North Korea was culpable (although they also could have sold the nukes to China, who then pelted the US). What I remember is hanging out with some friends playing some sort of outdoor game, when somehow we found out that we had a few days' warning -- I'm assuming to evacuate -- before the first missile would hit (I believe the appointed time was to be 2:00 local time, although it seemed to be evening when said time arrived). I remember frantically trying to decide with a friend on a spot to hunker down; the choices were either inside a building or outside but low on the ground. I wanted to do one thing; my friend wanted to do the other. We ended up splitting up and hoping for the best.

Eventually 2:00 arrived, and I got the sense that this warning was a fluke. I mean, I understood that in the real world the powerful nations were so vigilant about this kind of thing that they would take any means necessary to ensure that nuclear war never happened. And in the midst of this faith that a treaty had been negotiated to where nothing would occur, I saw out of the west a spectacular vision of what appeared to be an explosion -- never mind that, my brain registered it merely as the weapon being fired. I saw it streak toward its target, which apparently was well behind me: New York City. And you know what my first thought was? "So much for LeBron James going to sign with the Knicks." (He's a free agent this summer, and can choose to sign with another team if he wants.)

But I also figured that one shot would be enough. Apparently not; I got word from my stepdad that another one was on par to hit Chicago in a couple hours (I'm guessing either the US sent a retaliatory missile which had already detonated, or China/North Korea was just being a major bitch). We needed to evacuate immediately, at the very least to Madison, Wisconsin. I remember we piled into a car -- I don't remember if it was mine or his -- with only a few not-so-precious belongings and headed off. The second missile did eventually hit, although I don't recall if we managed to get out of the radiation zone in time or not.

I guess the oddest part is that I didn't wake up in a panic at any time during these sequences. Usually it's what I do during nightmares, but this particular "nightmare" seemed quite subdued compared to what I would normally expect.

But anyway, what does this mean? Why did I dream this? Interpretations, anyone?

[Update: earlier in the dream, I apparently beat up a guy I had a beef with. What was particularly interesting about this is that this was the leader of a rock-and-roll band I jammed with a couple times a few months ago. Funny thing is, I never had any issues with the man, and rather thought he was pretty cool. Makes me wonder further how seriously to take this dream.]