Season(s) of Love

525,600 minutes,

525,000 moments so dear,

525,600 minutes,

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee,

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife;

525,600 minutes,

How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love,

How about love,

How about love,

Measure in love,

Seasons of love.

--"Seasons of Love," Rent

As we enter the the number 2 "season of love" (Valentine's Day would be no. 1), it's time to bask in the glow of family and friends, and share the love via gifts and togetherness that the season of Christmas calls people to do. It's been an interesting past few months internally debating such a topic, trying to figure out the truth about it, and what it means.  There's the lover-lover, parent-child, friend-friend, person-pet, and so many different sorts of it, and for me trying to figure how it all fits into my life has been no easy task. For many years I've been grappling with the issue (although many of them during adolescence and teen years), wondering why I wasn't giving as much of these different forms of love to other people I care about (namely family and friends), and figuratively killing myself over every missed chance. I talked with a couple friends to give me some pointers, A.) about how they have dealt with it, and B.) to look at it from a larger perspective. At times I recall I would forget about giving for the sake of giving rather than expecting things in return, and it would drive me crazy. But one of my friends stressed to me the spiritual angle, citing that while he didn't have the relationships that so many of his friends had, he was undoubtedly thankful that he actually had people around him. I think as I've gotten older and further away from the crazy teen-age stage, I've been able to get a better understanding of how the social circle works, particularly that it always changes over time. Thus it has helped me focus on making people happy not because they expect me to do so, but because seeing them happy would make me feel happy on the inside.

With Christmas upon us, it would be the perfect opportunity to show family friends how much we all care about each other. What with sending e-cards to people that I care about and thinking of them on this holiday; I can handle that. I have wavered at times, depending on how my psyche and/or sanity has been holding up through whatever life is throwing at me. But this love that is to be shared with others on the whole, I think it's the work of Jesus, where he had so much love for this world when he was crucified, that it hurt him to see those very same people turn against him. He wasn't interested in the selfish love where he would devote it all to one person; he wanted to share it. That's a lesson I wish more of the world would take to heart (no pun intended). It would, after all, make it a much easier place to live.

Opening Night of "Steel Rhapsody"

Amidst multiple scenes with dancers and musicians, I'd have to say the collaborative group of choreographers and composers had a field night last night. On a personal note, it was my real composition debut at St. Olaf, not counting several composition assignments that I've had over the last couple semesters. Many thanks to choreographers Ariel, Megan, Alicia, Katie, Elizabeth, Claire, Hannah, Julia, Liz, Sarah G, Sarah S; composers Alan, Blaise, Tom, Christoph, Jonathan, Mattia, Laura, John, Ben, Guhn, Joe, Ryan; and all the other performers that took part to make the evening rather special.

Hit it!!!!! 1,2,3,4...  ;-)

An exhausting musician's checklist

It's been quite a hectic month already (only a week old), and I've been going through a list of things I have to complete between now and the day I get to hop on a plane to Chicago.

First off was Christmas Fest. A dress rehearsal, and 4 concerts. Check.

Next, was finishing my Passacaglia and Old MacDonald variations for the composition assignment in Music Theory. Check, but not before staying up till 3:30 to finish it and getting up at 7. Check. (yawn)

Next was finishing my final project for my composition class. For the most part I am done. I have the final score, and I have given the violin and viola parts out to those who will play them. The only thing I have to do now is refine the score to make it "professional," and add an introductory page. Of course I didn't already accomplish what I did without going through only 3 hours of sleep for the second night in a row. Check, and soon-to-be check. (forcefully open eyes after they repeatedly keep closing)

Next was getting requests from four other people to play their variations. So for most of them, I didn't have their variations until 8:00 last night (today we had to perform our variations in class). And so I spent learning their variations and mine at the same time, which stretched my bedtime once again. 5 hours of sleep last night. Check, except three of the other people's variations that I was to play will have to wait until Tuesday. Check nonetheless. (doze off)

Next was to meet with people I am accompanying for their juries. Check, check, check, and check (for also preparing for my jury). No sleep commentary needed, as I didn't stay up late for this kind of work.

Remaining on the checklist: studying for final exams, studying for my Ear Training proficiency exam for tomorrow, French homework, preparing for Christmas break in which I will go home for the first time since early September, playing the remaining variations that I didn't get to do today, playing in my piano juries, playing in other people's juries, finishing up my score for composition class, practicing the piano part for the piece, meeting with the dance choreographer to go over the piece for finalizing correspondence of dance moves and musical phrases, actually performing the piece at the "concert" next Friday...

...print out my e-Ticket, come up with $50 so I can get a ride to the airport, pack, close up the room (my roommate is leaving first), uh... sleep...

Speaking of checklists, the Cubs crossed off another couple needs from their offseason checklist by acquiring Juan Pierre. Not only can he play CF (and thereby supplant Corey Patterson the bust), but he can lead off. Of course I bet Cubs General Manager Jim Hendry didn't get a lot more sleep than I did, as he was busy over the weekend at the General Managers winter meetings. Sleep is for the weak. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

For the first time in my life, I feel like a hard-core music major. I never knew what it would be like, as I never really hung around hard-core musicians of my generation. At the same time, I'm ready to take a break from being in the music building all day, every day, surrounded by the same old people. (insert smiley face to indicate that it was a joke)

So anyways, I have:

1 day until my Ear Training exam

5 days until I finish playing other people's variations

6 days until I start performing at people's juries (and indirectly getting paid for it)

7 days until my jury and my first final

8 days until the dance/composition concert

12 days until my last final

13 days until I stuff my bags and hop a plane to celebrate Christmas at home

Again with that unlucky number, and again I cannot wait for the day this semester ends (for me) to arrive. (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Back to the real world...

In the afterglow of the final Christmas Fest performance, I find myself both relieved and disappointed that it's over. Relieved, because we spent a month-and-a-half working on music for it, but disappointed because it had brought us together both physically and spiritually. Now we return to secular academic atria of thought. I've been madly working to finish up my composition as part of a joint project with a dance choreographer, and I await commencing my comp project for Music Theory, and an essay test in French in the upcoming days. After thinking exclusively in a choir mind-set (ie going over music and text, drinking water, etc), it will be fun to switch gears and head back on the worldly trail.

Tomorrow I believe is Norway's official Christmas Day. During my first year here last year, I seriously thought Christmas Fest was at the beginning of December simply because it was the latest we could have it before 1st semester finals was due to start. Even though I knew it was a school based on Norwegian and Lutheran traditions, it never occured to me to come up with 4 after putting 2 and 2 together. After all, I am only half Norwegian and not at all Lutheran like the prototypical St. Olaf student. So while my true Christmas is still 21 days away, I have been able to feel the joy and spirituality of the season, and most of all, I can now start mentally putting the original text of Mendelssohn's There Shall A Star back into my head. Hallelujah!

There shall a Star from Jacob come forth,

And a scepter from Israel rise up,

And dash in pieces princes and nations.

As bright the star of morning gleams,

So Jesus sheddeth glorious beams,

Of light and consolation,

Thy word, O Lord,

Radiance darting, Truth imparting, gives salvation,

Thine be praise and adoration.

--Numbers 24:17; Psalm 2:9; Phillip Nicolai

...and that's how it should be. :-)

The True Christmas Spirit

"Christmas Fest is not a concert, but a spiritual event that you are sharing with the audience."

The advice that the president of my choir gave us at the end of warmups before heading through the blustery weather to Skoglund (where Christmas Fest is held) really stuck out with me. Of course I had merely pondered it somewhat before the performance, but suddenly while we were singing John Rutter's Gloria I had this feeling of joy that made me love the piece we were singing. It may have been the brass section playing in syncopation, it may have been the thrill of just watching Dr. Aspaas conduct us, but whatever the reason, it put a smile (more or less) on my face for quite some time during the concert.

I don't usually smile when I sing. Not because I don't want to, but I'm focusing so hard on making the music sound good that more often than not my jaw tightens and my vocal cords shrink up so I lose the notes on the low and high ends of my range. But coming to St. Olaf (despite the Is-RYE-yel pronunciations and changing all the words of Mendelssohn's There Shall a Star for political Lutheran correctness) has opened a new way of singing, one that made me willing to show and act out my love of performing a work of art to the audience. I suppose what really helps is the spiritual aspect of it. When I sang at my high school choir during the "holidays" (i.e. Christmas season) we sang mostly secular songs, so not to bring the church into the school. I remember our director always implored us to smile. I sort of tried, but deep down I knew it was all for superficiality. Not that spending the holidays with family and sharing the joy was superficial; those are great values in themselves, but growing up going to church on a regular basis showed me there was something more than just talking Santa magic and making little kids happy. The truth is, it's more amazing to celebrate Jesus' birth and share that joy with family and friends.

Even though Christmas is still yet 24 days from now, thanks to the Norwegians we are celebrating it now. Even despite the fact that America is celebrating it all month anyway so to boost the economy via all the shopping and spending that takes place. Of course, the American way is too secular for my tastes.

Out of the whole program, I found a set of lines I though was most appropriate for the post. I didn't take the entire poem (too long) but I found the heart of what Christmas is supposed to be about.

Come and see

The cause, why things thus fragrant be:

Tis he is born, whose quickening birth

Gives life and lustre, public mirth,

To heaven and the under-earth.

We see him come, and know him ours,

Who, with his sunshine and his showers,

Turns all patient ground to flowers.

The darling of the world is come,

And fit it is, we find a room

To welcome him.

The nobler part of all the house here, is the heart,

Which we will give him; and bequeath

This holly, and this ivy wreath,

To do him honor; who's our King

And Lord of all this reveling.

-Robert Herrick