After church this morning I
joined a bunch of friends in a "prayer circle" to pray for what will
be the founding of the South Loop Vineyard in a couple weeks, (?) as well as a
couple other individual needs. Usually when I pray, whether it's alone or with
another person, whether it's directly for someone or just in general, I
do my best to fully immerse myself because of its importance and its power. But
sometimes I'm too distracted, either with some stuff that's on my mind, or
because I somehow ended up in a place I didn't want to be at the moment.
To be fair, I was a little
angry at that moment. Not because of my friends -- I sought them out and chose
to join the prayer circle -- but because I felt I was supposed to be in
conversation with another friend from church with whom an informal catching-up meeting
was to take place. But during the second service (I was in the worship band,
and we didn't have a closing number, so I got to "duck out" early), I
ran across a man who's been fighting to get on his feet and who happened to be
at church. I won't disclose too much about him -- after all, what's going on in
his life is his own personal dealing -- but I will say he's been relying on God
an amazing amount during this current trial, and all he really wanted and/or
needed was prayer. We talked for a bit, and I prayed for him for a bit, but I
got the sense that I needed to do something more for him. Unfortunately I
couldn't take him in (I don't live on my own and I couldn't see my folks
approving of me taking in random strangers), and I didn't have any cash, so I
was praying for myself in that God would show me something I could do for the
man.
I ended up deciding to
introduce this man to my South Loop friends. After listening to some of the
things he needed at that time, I realized that these friends could help him in
some ways I could not. So I brought him to the prayer circle and then to lunch,
and just allowed him to get to know some of the people there (he'd already
known a couple). At the end of the day, he was still in many ways in the same
spot he was when I found him, but I can only hope I did something tangible
that's sure to pay dividends in both the near and more-distant future.
But I remember thinking about
my anger with God. After all, I knew he had me meet this man on purpose, and I
wasn't too happy about being derailed off of what would have been catching up
with this other friend that I hadn't in a while. I remember continuing this
frustration not just to today but to tomorrow, where if I was called to really
help this man (or someone else) that God would abort my plane from arriving
Denver (or my train from getting to Midway), I reasoned that I would be pissed.
But God's way is higher than our way. God's call is higher than
our call. Yes, but why should I have to be forced to stay
in Chicago just for something as small as that? I've been waiting to make this
trip west for years! Do you really want to make yourself
miserable by being angry for doing something God is calling you to do? Are you
really going to hold it against the Lord just because you didn't get your way? OK,
you win; I know you're right, and I know you're always right. But I don't know
how to let go of a botched plan that big (at least "that big" from my
perspective), and what would result in me missing a trip like this would be anger
and depression that lasted for months. It's happened before in other forms. I
know it can happen again.
I'm probably thinking the
enemy stirred up the anger in me. After all, I would love nothing more than a
few occasional plans of mine to go how I want it, but the more I hold it in me
the harder it becomes to be open to any and all alterations or wholesale
changes. I did manage to touch base with the friend, and we will get to catch
up later this evening. And I did take in the "strange" man at least
for a few hours, bought his lunch, introduced him to some other people on whom
he could lean, and maintained open lines of communication for future
interactions down the road.
I suppose I did something
right today. I just hate it when I get suckered into these
"my-will-vs-God's-will" arguments. I was so worried about doing
something that would steer me far off course (like missing this week's
adventure), and at the same time I was preoccupied with what I felt was a
responsibility to do right for the man. Oh ye of little
faith... Yes, I get it... thanks. [And at last check, my
plan to fly to Colorado and drive to California was still intact.]
* * * * * * * *
Kind of as a corollary to the
thoughts I expressed above, last night I did some random reading, going through
a few chapters in Isaiah. I came across a somewhat familiar text from the 11th
chapter in which at least one piece I know of starts with the phrase "A
tender shoot from Jesse's stem will spring forth" (referring to Jesus).
The passage that caught my eye this time was about different animals, some of
whom normally would prey on others, would all come together in harmony. This
was Isaiah's dream for what the world would ultimately be, as revealed through
Christ.
The wolf will live
with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion
and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed
with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like
the ox.
-- Isaiah 11:6-7 (NIV) ["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah%2011:6-7&version=NIV"]
After reading and pondering
the above passage, I thought back to why the world was so screwed up in the
first place. It brought me back to Genesis 3 ["http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+3&version=NIV"]
when Adam and Eve were in the garden being tempted by Satan disguised as a
snake. After all, the snake told them to eat of the Tree of Knowledge so that
they would be like God, knowing good and evil. And that's when it hit me:
"and evil." Thing is, Adam and Eve already knew
good, simply by virtue of having been in God's Garden of Eden. They were
oblivious to, for example, nakedness, and all of the potential issues that
would come with it. By eating from the Tree they gained insight on sex and
lust, for instance. They learned of things that were evil. The devil --
inherently evil -- tempted them to learn more about what he's all about, and
they fell for it. There's also something about free will and naivety, but I'll
get into it another time.
I'm thinking that's why Jesus
was so important. He had to come to right all the wrongs from before, and to
offer humanity redemption. At least, it's what some of the texts in the Advent
carols say. It's kinda scary when I think about it.