Here's how I imagine it would go, if they were to actually all get together and talk about where they're thinking of signing.
In attendance: LeBron James, presiding; [“http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=1966”] Dwayne Wade, [“http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=1987”] Chris Bosh, [“http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=1977”] Joe Johnson, [“http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=1007”] Amaré Stoudemire, [“http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=1727”] Carlos Boozer [“http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=1703”]
Location: Classified
Time: Classified
LeBron James: Good evening, gentlemen. We all know why we're here, so let's get down to business. We're going to go around and say what team we're thinking of signing with, and why... it could be anything, from winning championships, to loyalty, to the city, to... whatever the reason that you want to go to that team. And if you don't know where or why, that's cool too. That's why we're here tonight. Dwyane, you wanna start us off?
Dwyane Wade: Sure, man. You all probably know by now, I wanna stay with Miami. I love the city, I love the organization, and we have Pat Riley who will do whatever it takes to win.
James: OK, good. Thank you Dwyane. Chris, ya wanna be next?
Chris Bosh: Yeah, sure. At this point I'm not sure. I know I could get the most money in Toronto, but they ain't committed to winning. I'm thinking Chicago, maybe Miami... I'd be up for joining with one of you guys.
James: Alright, thank you Chris. Joe, what are you thinking?
Joe Johnson: I dunno, man, I'm thinking I'm good wherever I go. Could be with Atlanta, could be New Jersey, New York... I like the idea of joining up with one or two of you guys and winning a championship with the Knicks, though.
James: Cool, cool... Amaré, what you got?
Amaré Stoudemire: I like Phoenix, but man they gotta pay me what I'm worth. If that doesn't work, I'm going to Miami. Dwyane I gotta hand it to you, you're right, it's an awesome city.
Wade: That's what I'm talking about! [Room erupts in laughter.]
James: And Carlos... welcome Carlos... where do you wanna play next year?
Carlos Boozer: I like Miami, maybe Chicago... Kinda bummed I won't be staying in Utah, though, they've got a great team... I'm thinking I wanna get paid and win, that's mostly it.
James: Alright, good. And I'm King James... wait, no, President James, since I'm not the king of this meeting... [room erupts in laughter] I'm the president, man, I'm the president! [more laughter]
Alright, here's what I'm thinking about where I want to play. I'd like to stay in Cleveland, 'cause you know, it's my hometown. But I also wanna win championships, and let's be honest, the Cavs aren't gonna be as good next year as we were last year. And Chris Grant, [“http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/index.ssf/2010/06/new_cleveland_cavaliers_genera.html”] the Cavs' general manager, is gonna have to make some magic happen for any of you guys to follow me to the Cavs. Kinda like with you and the Heat, Dwyane.
Wade: Yeah... So a couple of you have said you wanna come to Miami. Chris, Amaré... and Carlos, right? [Bosh, Stoudemire and Boozer nod in agreement] In that case I'd probably stay. If we can get some other guys to join us too, then we'd actually have a team.
Bosh: Hey, so can we talk about where we might join up if that happens? I know some of us wanna stay, and some of us probably wanna go, so maybe we... [in his best Model UN representative impression] we should make a motion to discuss joining up. [room erupts in laughter]
James: Yeah, that sounds good. So everyone who wants to play in Miami, raise your hand. [Wade raises his hand emphatically; Bosh, Stoudemire and Boozer raise their hands more slowly after looking around; Johnson eventually raises his hand after realizing the potential superteam that was forming.]
Johnson: Wait, LeBron, don't you wanna go to Miami?
James: [laughing] I love the city of Miami; and I love Dwyane, he's like my brother; but we have to realize that the Heat can only pay two people max dollars. That's the thing about teaming up. If we wanna get three or more guys together, we're all gonna have to take pay cuts. Now, I don't mind taking a pay cut if it means I win a few championships, but I don't really wanna make minimum wage for five years.
Bosh: Yeah.
Stoudemire: Makes sense.
Johnson: True dat.
James: Thing is, to win a championship, you need more than just one or two great players. You need a team. No knock on you, Dwyane, or anyone else in this room, but none of us can do it by ourselves. If look at every champion we've had, it's because the best TEAM won. One through twelve.
Wade: Maybe we should all be asking ourselves, who really WANTS to get the max contract? I personally would like to... but I don't have to. Same thing for all of us, really. Does anybody here play for the money, or for the love of the game of basketball?
James: That's true, Dwyane. We all make enough to pay for all our kids' college tuition. What we gotta figure out is, who wants to win, and who wants to... do whatever else?
["Me! / I wanna win!" shouts come from across the room.]
Wade: I mean, who REALLY wants to win? MJ got six, Magic got five... Kobe's got four; maybe that's how we figure out who goes together and who goes where. Now, me, I wanna win, but I also want to win with the Heat. Now, I'm sure all of you would probably like to win where you've been before, but we gotta ask, how feasible is that? We gotta realize that only one of us -- only one of our teams -- is gonna win the championship in 2011. We can't all go to the same team unless we all make the minimum, and unless we all go to Miami. Honestly, that wouldn't work in Chicago, for instance.
James: Hey, Boozer, you're being pretty quiet in the corner over there. What do you wanna do?
Boozer: I wanna win. I mean, I love my guys in Utah, and I think Jerry's the best coach in the league, but I'm not winning anything until we can somehow beat LA.
Bosh: I'm probably not going back to the Raptors. We can't even get into the playoffs, let alone even THINK about trying to win a championship.
Wade: OK, Chris, why don't you come to Miami, then?
Bosh: Yeah... I could do that, or go wherever LeBron's going... [to LeBron] that is, if you're leaving Cleveland.
James: [shrugs] Yeah, I don't know man. I mean, heck yeah you should join me, but we've got only a couple options at best.
Johnson: You should go to the Knicks, man. I'll join ya.
James: [chuckles] I'm not going to New York. I've already played seven years; I don't wanna wait another seven before I win a ring.
Johnson: Well, if you change your mind, let me know.
Stoudemire: I'll go to New York. D'Antoni's the coach there, and I tell ya, he really is a good coach.
Wade: [to Stoudemire] Or you could come join me in Miami...
Stoudemire: Yeah, that too. Although, Dwyane, do you really want both me and Chris in Miami? We're kinda the same guy. [to Bosh] No offense, man.
James: Well, alright. It sounds like some of you guys wanna play together. I just wanna say that I'd love to join up as well, so don't be afraid to ask me.
Wade: [to James] If you want, you're welcome to come to Miami, too.
James: Thanks. Anyone wanna come to Cleveland with me?
Stoudemire: Sure, man.
Bosh: I would... thing is, though, can the Cavs afford another free agent to go with you?
James: [sighs] Not yet. Chris Grant would have to get rid of a couple guys.
Johnson: Where else are you looking, then?
James: To be honest, I've been looking at Chicago for some time. They have what I want in a team, and they can also sign-and-trade for one of you guys to come the Bulls. [to Bosh] Chris, I think you'd fit in great there, too.
Bosh: Alright, then. I guess I'd look first at the Heat and the Bulls, if that's where you guys [motioning to James and Wade] are gonna go.
Wade: OK, then Amaré, are you thinking seriously about the Heat?
Stoudemire: Oh yeah. I mean, I have to talk with the Suns, but if they don't give me what I like, I'm definitely in.
Wade: OK, what about you, Carlos?
Boozer: I'm not sure yet. I'm thinking Miami with you guys, but I also want a decent contract... If you and Amaré both get max deals, there won't be enough for me to get anything besides the minimum.
James: Yeah, I don't think any of us should ever have to settle for the minimum. What are you thinking, Joe?
Johnson: [sighs] I dunno. If you go to Chicago or stay in Cleveland, I guess I won't be on your team. I'm hoping to go somewhere where I can win and get paid a lot. I just kinda wish people wouldn't see me as a backup plan. Wherever, I guess.
James: Alright, that's pretty good. We don't really need to talk too much more on this. July 1st is still a couple weeks away, so you don't need to decide anything now. I'm sure we'll all get what we want, and we'll have lots of fun playing wherever we play next year.
[Players agree, shake hands, adjourn meeting, and head out to resume the rest of their evenings.]