The model

When I ask myself: “where is everybody?” (which I don’t exactly do; I just order “everybody” to report to me) I must specifically say that this is not schizophrenia. There is only one “me,” and it will always be the case. I don’t have multiple personalities (at least I hope not), but I do have multiple moods and thoughts and feelings that make up me. I strive for consistency and an even keel, but I also know that things will come up and I just have to go with it.

 

There are three energies within me: the wounded part (the “Child”), the survival method/defense mechanism part (the “Shadow”), and the part that takes risks to overwrite the survival methods and defense mechanisms (the “Adult”). All of us have these three energies, although the strength levels of each are different for everyone. A “normal” person, per se, would have a strong Adult who knows how to take care of his or her Child by keeping his or her Shadow at bay when all kinds of life situations come up. Almost none of us, however, are this way. A similar analogy would be someone who lives his or her entire life and never suffers any physical injuries, no broken or fractured bones, no torn ligaments, tendons or muscles, no paper cuts, and so on and so forth. It’s just impossible to live absolutely injury- or sickness-free; likewise is it impossible to live without bad things happening to us or in our midst when we were children.

 

But unfortunately, far too many children a.) not only experience either trauma or bad things from the environment in which they live, but also b.) are left to process these things on their own without any help. The child can only think of how to protect him- or herself in that immediate moment, so he or she will come up with a survival method in order to ensure safety. At this point in time, again it’s not a terrible thing. But what happens is, if left undiagnosed and unaddressed, the child grows up physically but carries this wound and this survival pattern into the adult world. So when a similar situation comes up (a “trigger” – a word I've been using in my blog a lot lately), instead of analyzing the situation and taking appropriate action, the adult acts childishly, sometimes sinning in the process. It’s not good.

 

I’m deliberately being vague when describing all of this, but the purpose of this post is to introduce you, the reader, to this “Child/Shadow/Adult” model without overloading you. I want this to sink in. Therefore, less is more.

 

A recent experience I will share relating to my use of the model is that [last weekend] a trigger came up during conversation with friends. As I processed exactly what it was that bothered me, I concluded that I had to take a specific course of action (in an adult way) to ensure that I could heal of my wounds tied to this. However, what happened that blew this further out of proportion was a dream I had the next night that directly challenged my conclusion and the course of action I was determined to take. I spent the next day wrestling with these conflicting thoughts and feelings, thereby plunging my mood to a low place. But thanks to this model, I asked “where is everybody?” (more accurately, I ordered “everybody” into the room with me), and, as the Adult, ordered the other two parts of me to report to me. I (the Adult) am the one in charge, I said, and I am going to take care of this mess and all messes. Depression over. The rest of the day went without incident. Granted, this will need to be a daily thing, because crap will always come up. But I am beginning to learn how to deal with it. And I thank God for it; he is the one who gave me these tools, and I know he expects me to make great use out of them.