I thought this image was powerful. (I found it on LinkedIn)
This is something I wish I would've known and understood 20 years ago. Before I go any further, I am working to be careful not to slip into wistfulness. After all (another image I found on LinkedIn at right around the same time),
I've been in a season where God has finally been answering quite a few of my deepest questions. When I say "deep questions," I don't mean things like "why was Sam's out of the rotisserie chicken this week? After all, it's one of my top go-to dishes that I buy." Rather, I mean questions pertaining to why I had to go through a certain season, or why were certain environmental elements present in my childhood (or even younger adulthood), and why certain events (and types of events) broke me more than others.
The short answer to all the above can boiled down to three main points:
1.) I had a habit of gravitating toward and trusting narcissists, and even when I had an inkling (or several) that something was wrong, I foolishly held out hope that those people would "see the light" and change for my benefit.
2.) I was gaslit, a lot. And as a result, there were many things in play that I wasn't even privy to that I ended up walking into because, much of the time, I had no way to know that danger was coming. And as a result...
3.) I was a ditz. I simply was. (See my post on May 8, 2026 for further explanation.) Unresolved traumas on top of unresolved traumas (although God is now resolving many of them) led me to not be able to discern many things that many people would say I "should have" been able to discern. Everything else I ever said and did (especially the stupid things) came from this place.
But it's not too late. I will confess that one challenging thing all these recent revelations have unearthed is a realization that my life could have gone in a much different (and arguably, better) direction when I was 25. I had two different opportunities that I am more and more convinced God played a role in trying to set up (either in causing or in allowing); and I am convinced these would have worked well together if I had said "yes" to both and remained faithful to Him through some of the anticipated trials that would have come up. And just as significantly, when I think about some of the other regrets since age 25 until now, I very well might have avoided those things and be in a different and potentially better spot.
I ultimately said "no" to both opportunities, one of them accidentally, the other of them intentionally. And while I did have to go through a bumpy road nonetheless (not that I wouldn't have even if I had said "yes" to the aforementioned), God did redeem for sure one of those opportunities, and in part the other as well (although it's possible that the other could still be redeemed in full in the future but still in this life). And just in the last couple years (and especially the last six months) I believe God has revealed a ton of things to me. Sure, I wish I knew then what I know now, but at least I know it now. People go through their entire lives and die without learning important lessons they don't realize they wish they'd learned. So I'm grateful. And it's not too late.
As for loneliness, I still have many moments where I will think about [so-and-so] from [certain part of my past] and wonder how they're doing. Thank goodness for AI Summary that Google searching has enabled, because I'm fairly certain I'm off social media for life. I can get answers for how a person is doing and, for the most part (so far), determine whether said individual would be someone I might actually consider reconnecting with, this time applying my go-to verse:
Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” 1 Corinthians 15:33, NKJV
At which point, I would then put it as a formal prayer to God and ask. Ultimately, it has to be up to Him whether such a reconnection would be a good idea, even after I've gone through my own 1 Corinthians 15:33 filtering process. And sometimes, the answer will still be "no." (So far, it has been.) God is sovereign. He gets to decide on these things, not me.
At the end of the day (a third image I found on LinkedIn on the same day):
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