Science Confirms: Forgiveness is a Neurochemical Detox

 

I came across this video on YouTube, and boy, is it powerful! This video, along with several other words from my time with the Lord lately, have been the lynchpin for a focused, concerted effort not only in personal growth, but also in terms of the current season of my walk with God and preparation for the future, including possibly the near future. We know that the Bible – even Jesus Himself, specifically – has some very specific things to say about forgiveness:

In this manner, therefore, pray:

Our Father in heaven,

Hallowed be Your name. …

And forgive us our debts,

As we forgive our debtors. …

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:9,12,14-15, NKJV

But I also believe that when science confirms what the Bible has been screaming to be true for millennia, that’s even better. Although I recognize that anything said on YouTube generally should be taken with a grain of salt (there were no scholarly citations or references), this video hit me, especially because all of what it spoke to applies directly to me. Even though I have for a while now been in agreement with forgiving others, and have taken steps to do so, I now have an added desire and motivation to do so on a whole new level. With God’s help, I can turn the clock all the way back regarding letting Him take things off my mental docket. I will return with a few more thoughts later in the post. But for now, here is the transcription:

 

Some people think that forgiveness is about morality or weakness. But your brain treats emotional wounds as active danger. Meaning, every time you replay the hurt, your mind treats the threat like it’s happening right now. And so, your body ends up releasing cortisol, adrenaline, [and] inflammatory cytokines. Not once but just over and over again. That’s why unforgiveness doesn’t just stay in your heart; it keeps you stuck in survival mode. Those stress chemicals, they don’t just float around; they [inflame] your neural pathways: especially in your limbic system, which is the emotional side of your brain; your amygdala which is the fear and threat part; your hippocampus, [which is] the memory part; and your prefrontal cortex, [which is] the peace and clarity part of your brain. And so suddenly, you’re now easily triggered, you’re mentally exhausted, you’re anxious – for no reason – and you’re just unable to regulate your emotions. And then you end up thinking, like, something’s wrong with you. Actually, it’s just neurochemistry; you’re just responding to unresolved wounds. [Cytokines] are just your immune system’s “we’re under attack” chemicals. But the problem is that when you carry bitterness or hurt, your body interprets that as a persistent infection. And so it keeps releasing cytokines, which end up reducing your dopamine, reducing your serotonin, makes your depression worse. And that’s why unforgiveness can show up as brain fog, gut issues, insomnia, fatigue, mood swings. Your mind and your immune system [are] just at war.

Here’s what I want to clarify: forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook. It’s just turning off an inflammation cycle that’s in your body. Because when you forgive, your amygdala calms down, your cortisol drops, you decrease in your cytokine levels, and your immune system starts to reset. And then you start to get peace that returns back to your prefrontal cortex. Forgiveness [is] not a moral chore; it’s a neurological regulation. It is 100% a detox. This is why Jesus commanded forgiveness. It’s not to make you passive; it was to keep you alive. Scripture said this way before neuroscience [ever did]. A heart at peace gives life to the body. And peace literally reduces inflammation. Now the beauty of this is that forgiveness is also going to rewire your brain. It improves your emotional regulation, your trauma, your memories, it just helps you decouple from [that] identity… and neuro pathways will start to reshape; that’s just neuroplasticity. Your brain just becomes something new. Now, God doesn’t ask you to forgive because they deserve it; He asks you to forgive because you deserve it! Unforgiveness is bondage, spiritually and biologically! And forgiveness is the exit door. It’s not weakness; it’s liberation. And if you’ve been holding on to something in your body for many years, this is why your soul feels heavy, [or] your chest feels tight, or your mind feels cluttered, or your mood is just unstable, you’re not broken; you’re probably inflamed. Letting go isn’t just theology, it’s detox.

 

Amen and amen! Forgiveness is detox. At the same time, forgiveness does not mean: letting someone off the hook; excusing said person’s behavior, choices, words, etc.; agreeing with what they say or do; or even being willing to continue the relationship if no changes are made (or resume it with no changes if there indeed had been a break). Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Now, having said that, I want to share what the Bible does say about reconciliation:

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32, NKJV

[This specifically concerns forgiveness, but this does not mean letting a person off the hook if they don’t repent, etc, as stated previously.]

Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:18-21, NKJV

[This is about us being reconciled to God, because without this specific reconciliation, none are saved from hellfire.]

and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. Colossians 1:20, NKJV

[Same thing: God reconciling us to Himself via Jesus’s blood sacrifice on the cross.]

For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. Romans 5:10, NKJV

[Same thing yet again: God reconciling us to Himself, because without this we have no hope.]

There are more verses, but before I continue, I want to say that the primary verses that have come up in my search regarding reconciliation are focused on God reconciling us to Himself. Yes, we all absolutely need His forgiveness for all our sins – that’s why Jesus came to this earth, to live a sinless life and die, so that His perfect blood, in being sacrificed, would pay the price required for the Father’s forgiveness – because this is the only way any of us can have any kind of hope at all at being with Him for eternity.

There are also verses about us forgiving one another and making an effort to live in peace with one another. I’m not going to share all of them, but I’m going to share a few that I believe God has highlighted to me over the years:

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17, NKJV

[In my opinion, this is the gold standard passage regarding reconciliation. Further, the last verse within this passage makes it clear that we don’t have to keep trying to reconcile with someone forever. Forgiving them forever, yes, but if a person won’t change, not even Jesus requires that we keep trusting said individual under these types of circumstances.]

Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny. Matthew 5:23-26, NKJV

[I believe this passage only truly makes sense regarding reconciliation when bearing the passage from Matthew 18:15-17 in mind. Obviously, this Scripture reveals that God does want us to reconcile with one another. BUT – it does not address whether the other person sinned, let alone whether they agree to change if it is indeed clear that they have. As such, I don’t believe that the message of trying to reconcile with one another includes a case of serious sin or wrongdoing in the picture. There’s a major difference between not trying at all to make peace (which I believe this passage is directly addressing), and refusing to repeatedly try without end, to the point of letting oneself get abused by another person who refuses to repent and change and insists on continuing the abuse (which I do not believe this passage is addressing at all).]

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18, NKJV

[I believe this is a summary of the spirit of the law of reconciliation. What I find notable is the language: “if” it is possible (heck, also if “it is possible”), and “as much as depends on you.” Even the great apostle Paul, who spent a whole weekend with Jesus after getting blinded on the road to Damascus, and learned greater things from Jesus that even Peter and the other apostles didn’t get to learn, conceded that there are cases where peace with an individual or group of individuals may not be possible. And by extension, because I believe that the Bible is the Word of God, I do not believe God would have allowed anything fraudulent to be written in it. Therefore, I also believe that God is behind the “if it is possible,” and “as much as depends on you.” The point is to try to reconcile. The point is not to let yourself continue to be abused by giving grace willy-nilly to people who refuse to repent and change.]

 

True story: I had a falling out with a man I was friends with for only about a year. It was my first year back in Chicago after having lived in Minnesota, and my first year attending the Vineyard. As a mid-twenty-something young man, I dealt with typical mid-twenty-something challenges. This man prayed for me a few times and even had words from the Lord that I believe were indeed accurate.

But then, I made a mistake that led to the end of our friendship. I heard him say something to someone else that really boiled my blood (a verbal attack, not physical). So I called him out on it, completely in my flesh (because I also threatened to end the friendship if he didn’t immediately go make it right), thinking nothing further than a simple calling out of one’s sin. Obviously, he really didn’t like that and made sure I knew it.

Two years later, after a powerful sermon on reconciliation, specifically regarding reaching out to people to apologize (Romans 12:18 in action), I felt God prompt me to act. The thought of reaching out to this man genuinely scared me, because I had seen what his anger was capable of (and it was bad). I asked a mutual friend for his email so I could reach out. Upon receiving it, I emailed him, offering to apologize for what happened two years earlier and asking if he would be open to meeting up to talk about it. He eviscerated me in his response. He wasn’t exactly nice two years prior when he let me know what he thought of what I had done, but this time he was brutal, including throwing some personal attacks. It hurt very deeply, but what I also experienced was freedom. We didn’t reconcile. But I had forgiven him. I was free.

It would take much longer for me to put the pieces together, but ultimately what God revealed to me about this man (and I believe it was only possible after I owned my part), was that he was genuinely a toxic man, and, without going into details, the possibility that he was actually not saved but instead moonlighting (yes, that word) as if he were. Additionally, at the same time that he had declined my request to meet up so I could apologize in person, he also emailed our mutual friend (who I am confident had his email already and didn’t need to ask him for it) to eviscerate him for sharing it. Finally, after a more recent conversation with my wife (about a year ago, I would say) about people she had previously known who had Jezebel spirits, that’s when the dots finally completely connected in my head.

Sometimes, reconciliation is impossible. But forgiveness always is possible; after all, it’s commanded by God. Therefore, when we forgive, even in times and situations where it doesn’t make sense and instead seems impossible, God shows up. After all, He split one ocean and caused a man to walk on top of another one.