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As I begin the final post of this current series on Biblical sexuality, I need to begin with a confession: I hesitated to post this series for a couple reasons. First, I already posted a similar series back in 2020 which examines in granular detail what the Bible says about all sexuality. And because blogging is a written medium, repeating myself or repeating certain topics comes across much differently (to me, anyway) compared with if I were preaching sermons from a pulpit or giving TED Talks. For some reason it's ok (and not only ok, but encouraged) to repeat oneself when the communication is verbal or audio. But generally speaking, it's a bit different when the communication is written.
The second reason I hesitated is that, once I became aware of the loss of my connection with my childhood best friend, I wrote what would become Parts 2 and 3 of this series (see the posts from the last 2 days) while I was grieved, distraught, and confused, among other typical human reactions. I didn't want to post these writings unless I heard back from him first (I had sent him a Christmas card to test the waters). I also staunchly believed that, because he was the one to walk away, the ball was in his court to reach out to me if he felt he needed to. At the same time, because I was busy, between a career change, school, a serious relationship, and a hospitalization, more than 2/3 of a calendar year went by before I noticed anything was amiss. That, and I had realized that, despite my emotions on the matter, my priorities were elsewhere. So it was up to me to find an alternate method to processing and praying through my emotions while I waited for any semblance of closure to appear.
While I waited to hear back from him, and then when I realized I wasn't going to hear back from him, I was grieved over this loss for quite a while. Even now, as of the posting of these posts, he has still not reached out to me. I did send him Christmas cards online the last couple years, but I have otherwise left him alone. I know that he has not opened either of them (perhaps he blocked my emails?) because the website through which I send these cards always notifies me when a recipient has viewed what I sent. I never received any notification indicating that my childhood best friend has opened either card.
It took me a while to move on, in large part because, once I suspected what the issue was that led him to move on, I was so worked up over arguing with him (in my head) about it. It took writing a story to flesh out my thoughts and put them on paper for me to finally let it go. To let him go meant letting go of the arguments first. But I still missed the guy, and while I likely have the answer as to why he chose to move on (and not tell me), there's always a certain level of doubt due to the fact that he and I still have not had the conversation over it. In short, I think I know why we don't talk anymore, but for the entire time of praying and processing through this I hadn't gotten any confirmation of it.
Well, now I think I do finally have some of that confirmation. Ever since I started working on prioritizing my relationship with God again (and began spending time with Him), He started giving me wisdom about all sorts of different things, including this former friend, by connecting a few dots in my mind. A couple of the dots were not hard for me to connect (I probably would've connected them sooner if I had tried), but there was another angle to my whole friendship with him that I had not even considered. This new angle had me looking back to when we first met, all the way back when we were both in the first grade.
One final note before I jump into the backstory: I hesitated on sharing this series for the reasons I've given above, but I'm also now choosing to go ahead and share. I'm sharing because, while it is a reflection of some elements in my past life that were broken, it is nonetheless a testimony not only to what God has done for me, but what He can do for anyone out there reading this who's gone through something similar and feels hopeless (or maybe feels hopeful but hasn't seen any miracles in their lives just yet). Everyone needs to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Everyone needs to hear not only the Good News but also why it is indeed Good News (this implies that there is Bad News, and there is). Furthermore, not only does everyone need to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ (the Good News) as well as why they need Him, but everyone also needs to choose to receive Him as their Lord and Savior and surrender their will and their lives to Him. This is the only way to heaven. Unfortunately, not everyone will make it, and the summary of the backstory is that, in addition to my childhood best friend, the two mutual friends we had are all walking in utter darkness right now. And they don't even know it.
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Now to the story: my childhood best friend and I initially met in the first grade and had another friend that we hung out with (and eventually yet another friend joined us). As far as I'm concerned, this was the first "friend group" I ever had. My childhood best friend and the first other friend were already friends, and when they both were assigned to my homeroom for the lunch period, we sat at the same table and became fast friends. During that time, much fun was had. Before I changed schools at the end of the following summer, a fourth friend started hanging out with us as well.
I dropped out of contact with all of them when I changed schools. As for the other two friends, our last real visit was at the beginning of second grade. I did see both of them together once more a few years later, and the fourth friend came to two of my birthday parties later on, but those were more of a "hey, haven't seen you in awhile. How's it going? Let's catch up" sort of thing. And that was it for them and me for a very long time. I later looked them up on Facebook when I was in college, and looked up one of them on LinkedIn just a few years ago, but I chose not to reach out.
As for my childhood best friend, we did fall out of touch when I changed schools right before second grade was to begin. However, a few years later, I called his home phone number one day late summer between fifth and sixth grades. He picked up, we scheduled a visit, and we became fast friends again. We ended up hanging out regularly for the next 23 years.
Sometimes though, in the end a person removes himself or herself from my life because God allowed it. And sometimes God allows these things to happen because such a person was in fact a bad influence on me and especially in regards to my relationship with Jesus. After all, the Bible says this:
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33
When I looked up the other two friends on Facebook back in 2007, I saw a few things: first, they both continued their love for comics and drawing into their (at the time) young-adulthood; second, however, they both appeared to be walking in darkness in the way they lived their lives. The fourth friend, who was also the younger brother of the third friend, also appeared to be gay (his Facebook profile showed him as "interested in men"). Unlike with my childhood best friend, I never suspected it. Then again, I didn't hang out with him long enough to have the opportunity to discern that. Also, I saw signs on his profile that he might have had some major anger issues (for example, his profile picture showed him looking angry while smiling). I do want to be careful and not slander the dude, so I could be wrong about projecting him to have "anger issues;" it's just that what I did see led me to conclude this as a serious possibility.
The third friend was an even darker story. His Facebook profile (back in 2007) appeared to reveal all sorts of red flags: first, he appeared to be heavily involved in alcohol and drugs; second, he appeared to be part of some kind of death metal band; third, going by photos of him and other content he shared on his profile, it was quite clear that not only did he tend to hang out with shady persons (at least some of whom were in his death metal band), it appeared, based on everything else I saw (and described) that he himself was also such a shady character; and fourth, I did see one photo of him celebrating one of his birthdays (early-twenties). It looked like "no one was home upstairs" in that photo of him.
Finally, I got to see it (and him) first-hand at a party we were both at back in 2010. I knew he was in attendance because he was a confirmed "yes" on the party's Facebook event page. A friend of mine from the Vineyard hosted a bunch of parties over the summer of 2010, many of which I attended. Most were reasonably low-key and never even came close to getting out of hand. There was one party, however, where it included not only people from the Vineyard but also non-Christian folks from his and his housemates' other circles. The first half of this party was low-key enough, but a death-metal band (a different band from the one the "third friend" played in) was the main attraction for the second half. You know the kind: lights out in the main room except for a few neon lights in the stage area, booming bass so loud that you felt it louder than you heard it, upwards of 50 people cramming into the living room, and alcohol flowing quite freely. The Vineyard folks who were there, myself included, got out of Dodge probably within a half-hour once the music started. But about 10-15 minutes before the music started, I saw a group of around 5 men come in through the front door who looked stoned and/or were carrying small brown paper bags, about the size of a beer bottle. I don't recall if I was able to pinpoint which man the aforementioned "third friend" was, but I knew that he was in that group.
As a child, I was disappointed to lose touch with the two brothers (the third and fourth friends). I had reached out one time via phone to ask if they were free to talk or hang out. The third friend had picked up the phone and responded that they both had homework. That was that for me. Over time, however, I believe that God gradually revealed to me the paths that these two guys were on were not good paths, culminating in that party in 2010. Still, it wasn't until my childhood best friend (the "second friend" from this group) had quietly decided to move on that more of the puzzle pieces began to come together.
While I do have some lingering questions (chiefly, could the origin of my childhood best friend deciding he was gay have come from spending time with friends #3 and #4, especially since friend #4 also claimed to identify as gay?), God does make it clear also that for us to move forward, we do truly have to let go of the past in our hearts. As a naturally loyal person, this has been hard for me to do. But, as the Bible says,
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14
It's not wrong for me to continue to pray for my childhood best friend, or for friends #3 and #4, but, I've made many new and better friends over the years since I last kept up with them. And, as I'm continuing to pursue the path God has for me and for my life, due to it running divergent from all three of these friends, I do have to say no to distraction, which is what any lingering thoughts of them have become (outside of praying for them).
It is through this revelation that has finally allowed me to move on. I'm grateful for the 23-24 years of friendship that I had with my childhood best friend. Because he is an adult, he is indeed free to live how he chooses. Even with other topics where I did try to gently challenge him (this occurred on our last-ever conversation), he made it known that he was not open to considering my suggestions, and offered his own rebuttals. I already know that if we ever were to talk about homosexuality and gay "marriage," he would stand his ground. That said, if he still happens to read this blog in June 2023, he knows not only where I stand, but I also hope that everything I've posted on here to date would be enough to make him begin to think about what his eternity (after death) would be like if he didn't change his mind.
The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9
As for the other two friends, because I don't have the same history with them, I've moved on.
For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; Romans 1:26-28
Still, God is merciful, and neither are they beyond His reach. Just like my childhood best friend.
although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. 1 Timothy 1:13-16
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