A Faraway State of Mind 5

After Thomas More walked away from Maggie Felton and Kristen Lombardi for the final time, he realized that he needed to do more to heal and change his life than what he had been doing. After prayer and meditation, he stepped away from his job, which was relocating to another city. Cheaper taxes, he was told. Yeah, but not cheaper for me to follow you! Thomas decided. His company, after all, had decided not to cover for moving expenses for any of its employees.

As such, Thomas no longer had to worry about a dreary job to go to, nor the other dreary parts that accompanied it. Sure, they liked him at work, but not enough to even give him enough of a raise to justify the new expenses that would accompany relocating. Living with his housemate Sam Pepys had allowed for the two of them to live on relatively cheap rent. Sam sure as heck wasn’t going to relocate with him.

Thomas also decided to move back home with his dad once he was laid off. In the short term, the free rent was a much-needed respite from the stress of simply being an adult, something that Thomas had ignored due to his obsessions and the pain that accompanied such obsessions. It wasn’t just Maggie and Kristen, he realized; there were a whole slew of other women that he wanted to get to know – even just to be friends, he rationalized – endeavors that never materialized. Of course, the more significant cost of living that mind game was that he never once gave thought to his career. Just get a job, work your way up, they’ll take care of you, he was taught and learned to reason well into adulthood. Except, it didn’t seem to work that way for him.

As such, Thomas sought a much bigger paradigm shift. Receiving Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior was – and is – still the most significant thing he ever did, along with establishing regular faith habits of attending LifeTree regularly, daily readings from the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth, prayer, and community with other believers. But in terms of actual change in the here and now, he needed more than what LifeTree on its own could offer. A friend in his church study group recommended the Place.

What is the Place? As it turned out, a number of his peers at church – as well as several of the elders – were currently or at one time clients at the Place. Upon attending a celebration in which several of his church friends had spoken, Thomas was motivated to sign up for the next available retreat.

Dr. John K. Green: Yes, Thomas?

Thomas: I’d like to work.

Dr. John: [looking around the room] Does that work for everyone? [others around the room nod] OK, Thomas, go ahead.

Thomas: So, I have another part of my story to process… right now, I’m feeling nervous and kind of ashamed to tell it, because I don’t know what you all will think…

Dr. John: [after a brief pause] It’s alright, Thomas. Just keep going.

Thomas: [takes a deep breath, looks down at the floor] I used to practice Magic when I was younger. [looks back up after a few seconds]

Ty Rawlings: It’s ok. We’re here with you. We’re not going to judge you.

Thomas: My best friend since childhood – his name is Bosendorfer – was the one that got me addicted to it. It began when he first discovered how to speedwalk. I stayed over at his house one night – we were maybe 10, 11 years old – and instead of going to sleep when it was bedtime, he asked me if I wanted to see something cool. I said, “sure.” Next thing I know, he disappeared – he looked like “the Flash” – and returned, with a flashlight from my room – at my house!

Dr. John: Can you describe more about this “speedwalking” that you’re mentioning?

Thomas: Well, Bosendorfer next asked me if I wanted to try it with him. …I was 10. Or 11. I didn’t know any better. It looked so cool, that I was like “sure!”

Max Hartrey: Thomas, it’s ok. You don’t need to beat yourself up. This is your story.

Thomas looked surprised and confused at Max’s interjection, not sure what to make of it.

Dr. John: How are you feeling right now as you’re sharing this with us?

Thomas: Quite scared, actually. …am I doing something wrong?

Dr. John: No, you’re not doing anything wrong. I am noticing that you’re getting more and more tense as you’re telling us this part of your story.

Thomas: I am?

Dr. John: Yes. I want you to know that it’s ok. You’re not in trouble for sharing this with us.

Thomas: But I already know that Magic is wrong, according to the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth. I’m frankly ashamed that it was a part of my life at one point.

Dr. John: I hear that. I want you to know that there is no shame here. We understand that you know that this is not something you want to do anymore, and something you haven’t done for a while now. We’re just trying to help you process through it.

Thomas: …really? Even though Bosendorfer and I practiced it for almost ten years?

Dr. John: It doesn’t matter how long you practiced it. The important thing is, you already recognize that it is not God’s desire for you, and that it’s not your desire either.

Thomas: It never was, in the first place. I mean, I did it with him, and in one sense it was cool, but in another sense, I felt like … I kinda felt like I wasn’t fully me in the moment, like I wasn’t “all there,” during the moments while I was practicing.

Dr. John: Tell us more about that.

Bosendorfer (age 10): Thomas? What’s wrong?

Thomas (age 10): …I-I don’t know… This feels kinda wrong… I’m not sure I want to do this anymore…

Bosendorfer (age 10): What do you mean? We’ve done this a few times now.

Thomas (age 10): I know, but… this doesn’t feel right. I feel like we’re going too fast when we’re speedwalking. What if we hit someone?

Bosendorfer (age 10): We haven’t yet. … I’ve been doing this for a little while now, and I haven’t hit anyone when I’ve done it.

Thomas (age 10): …But what’ll happen if we hit someone? Won’t we die?

Bosendorfer (age 10): [shrugs] I don’t know.

Thomas (age 10): What about the other person? Won’t they get hurt or die if we hit them?

Bosendorfer (age 10): I’ve been careful every time I’ve speedwalked. I’ve always made sure that wherever I’m going by, no one else is around. Really, I’ve been fine.

Thomas (age 10): Well, OK. … But I feel like I won’t be able to be as careful as you are. I feel like my head is spinning every time I speedwalk with you.

Bosendorfer (age 10): Well, you don’t have to speedwalk on your own.

Thomas (age 10): I can’t, anyway.

Bosendorfer (age 10): Well, if you don’t want to do it anymore, I won’t make you. … It just won’t be as fun without you.

Thomas (age 10): I don’t know. … I’ll have to think about it. For today, I don’t want to do it anymore.

Bosendorfer (age 10): [dejectedly] That’s fine. I understand.

Dr. John: You stood up for yourself.

Thomas: But I felt so guilty afterwards!

Ty: Guilty for what?

Thomas: For saying no! … I mean, how could I say ‘no’ to my best friend? … to my only friend? I said ‘no’ and I think I hurt him!

It was true, though. Bosendorfer and Thomas went way back, all the way to primary school. Thomas wasn’t exactly known as the “popular” kid in school – in fact, he wasn’t popular at all. Bosendorfer was slightly more popular than Thomas, due to his ability to speedwalk, something that he showed a few other friends here and there. But those other friends also moved on from Bosendorfer once they figured out how to practice the Magic on their own. Thomas never fully was able to grasp the art; his head always spun whenever he tried to attempt it with Bosendorfer, and as such, he never dared to try to speedwalk on his own. It simply felt too dangerous.

Thomas also once saw Bosendorfer’s dad smack his son for something (the dad didn’t know Thomas was watching this). He thought he had heard the dad yell something condemning about Magic but was so stunned at witnessing this that he wasn’t sure what he thought he had heard. Bosendorfer would later confirm that it indeed was because his dad had caught him speedwalking, but also casually admitted that he wasn’t “careful” enough in terms of hiding it from his parents, and he vowed to work harder to conceal it. It is suspected that he succeeded, because Thomas never saw Bosendorfer’s dad hit him or yell at him since, not for that, nor for anything else.

That incident alone taught Thomas to never share with his parents about this, out of fear of receiving the same fate as his friend. There were a few instances where they almost got caught, whether at Thomas’ house or Bosendorfer’s, where mid-speedwalk, Bosendorfer could hear (also at long-distance) when one of their parents was approaching the room they had just left a short while ago, and Bosendorfer would tell Thomas: “Uh-oh! We gotta get back now!” And, with Bosendorfer’s Magic-practicing abilities, the two friends were able to return immediately to the room they had left just moments before. One time, at Thomas’ house, his dad was returning from the store, but the door was locked. Thomas and Bosendorfer had just returned, but, due to Thomas’ head still spinning from the effects of the speedwalking, he didn’t get to the door to unlock it in time for his dad to not notice. The moment itself was anti-climactic, with Thomas’ dad simply asking why the door was locked, and not taking the conversation any further when Thomas couldn’t answer the question. But that experience scarred him – not enough for him to tell Bosendorfer that they needed to stop speedwalking – but enough that it had warped his relationship with his parents that he didn’t tell them much of anything about his life.

Dr. John: So, what else was it about Magic that affected you? Was it just speedwalking and your head spinning as a result from it? Or were there other things?

Thomas: Well, as we got older, Bosendorfer also learned how to bend not just the time continuum but also the space continuum. With speedwalking, I learned eventually that it’s not just about being able to move fast, but also to slow down everything else around you. As you now know, as a child I was scared about us running into people or into things, but I didn’t know until later that Bosendorfer also learned how to move objects at a moment’s notice if he needed to.

Max: Can you say more about that?

Thomas: So, for example, if we wanted to speed-walk to a store that was 5 miles away, and it was on First Parkway East, and if there was heavy traffic that day… well, of course, we wouldn’t know what the traffic was like until we were on First Parkway… but let’s say a car was turning and about to cross our path, right at the same moment that we were speedwalking down the sidewalk, sometimes Bosendorfer would cause that car to slow down, even if just for a split-second, until we passed through the crosswalk. Of course, because we were zipping by so fast, that car wouldn’t notice that it had gotten stopped, because it was only that one split-second. But Bosendorfer knew how to do it so that our path would be clear. I, on the other hand, could never manage such a thing, because I wasn’t “all there” while we were speedwalking. But I did notice that, when Bosendorfer would do something like that, I would feel queasy for a few seconds, during and immediately after.

Dr. John: So, there was something about that part of Magic, let’s say, use of a sort of force field, where you would feel it, too, like energy was being sucked out of you… Do I have that right, or was it something else?

Thomas: No, that’s exactly what it was. I’m already speedwalking and only half-there in a sense, but when Bosendorfer would affect the space continuum to slow down an obstacle, like a car, because I would be hanging on to him while we did this, I would feel energy leave me, because Bosendorfer was using energy to… move the car.

Dr. John: So, you felt queasy. Was there anything else you felt?

Thomas: [pause] Scared. Sad, maybe. I generally feel scared when energy leaves me, and I don’t have control over where it’s going. I was already feeling light-headed and a little weak during the speedwalking. Felt scared that I wasn’t going to get my strength back after losing it. Of course, by the time we reached our destination, and I had a few moments to settle back to normalcy with space and with time, I would feel normal again, and not queasy at all.

Ty: So, it wasn’t like the effects of Magic affected you for very long afterward.

Thomas: No, not once I got used to it. And once I did, it was addicting. There was an exhilarating quality to speedwalking, especially anticipating it, that felt exciting. And then of course, during the speedwalking, I would feel light-headed, like my head was spinning, and occasionally queasy if Bosendorfer affected the space continuum.

Max: So, is that why you ended up doing this speedwalking Magic with Bosendorfer as long as you did?

Thomas: Along with my fear of losing Bosendorfer as a friend, yes. I learned to trick myself into liking it, plus the feeling of exhilaration I got from it that I did enjoy.

Dr. John: What led you to stop speedwalking and/or practicing Magic altogether? Was it when you received Christ?

Thomas: No. I wasn’t saved yet. That came later. … As for what led us to stop practicing Magic together, it just simply happened. One year we were in college, we were hanging out over the break between semesters, and instead of jumping right into practicing it like we always had done, he was silent, more distant than before. We would do some of the other things we did when hanging out, like listening to music or reading online comics, or… just simply chatting, but … something was different.

Ty: Did you ever find out what that was all about?

Thomas: Eventually he told me. I mean, I didn’t really care that we weren’t speedwalking or practicing Magic anymore, but I did notice it. … Some years later, Bose told me that he was going through some changes in his life. His whole life through the end of college, he had received conflicting messages about his identity, specifically what he was called to do, and he was trying to make sense of it all. He was obviously very smart and very talented all around – I mean, it does take a certain amount of talent and intelligence and focus to be able to practice Magic successfully as a way of life. I realize now that I didn’t have that, and I’m of course OK with that, but I suspect Bose was preoccupied for a while as he wrestled with all these talents and all these messages he was receiving about himself.

Dr. John: You had previously mentioned about his interactions with his dad, who appeared to have a huge problem with his practicing Magic. Were there any other incidents you saw between them?

Thomas: His dad, I believe, was very strongly anti-Magic. I do remember that one day when his dad hit him, he also… yelled, saying that Magic was wrong, because it was the art of deception. I remember not being entirely sure if I was hearing it correctly, but Bosendorfer did confirm to me sometime later that it was what I had heard. … That was a big part of what also scared me about ever revealing this to my parents – a moot point, because they shrugged it off when I told them more recently.

Dr. John: That was obviously a huge moment for you, though. What was going through your mind as you were watching this happen?

Thomas: I was scared, of course.

Ty: Did you perhaps question what you were doing?

Thomas: I don’t know… I don’t remember. I doubt it, because that was the first time I had heard someone I knew talk about Magic being wrong… my family didn’t practice it, but I think the general sentiment in my community and my school was that there was nothing wrong with it, so long as it was practiced safely. I think that the strongest statement I ever heard related to it was that we shouldn’t judge people who practice Magic, because it’s wrong to judge someone for having extraordinary talents, even if those talents did mess with the space-time continuum.

Dr. John: I’d like to bring us back to the question I asked a moment ago: what led you to stop practicing Magic? You mentioned that Bosendorfer was going through some changes in his life and asking himself questions about his identity… what else was going on?

Bosendorfer (age 22): Hey, Thomas, do you have a moment?

Thomas (age 22): Hey, Bose! Good to hear from you! What’s up? Is everything OK?

Bosendorfer (age 22): I’m fine, relatively speaking. I’ve been interviewing for jobs, and one got back to me, offering me the job.

Thomas (age 22): Congratulations, buddy! Are you going to accept?

Bosendorfer (age 22): I’m seriously thinking about it. I really like the prospects of this job, plus it has decent starting pay and benefits.

Thomas (age 22): Excellent! That’s great news!

Bosendorfer (age 22): Yeah… it is…

Thomas (age 22): What’s up?

Bosendorfer (age 22): Well… it’s a different kind of job from the ones I’ve been telling you about.

Thomas (age 22): OK… how so?

Bosendorfer (age 22): Well, first off, it’s not an econ job.

Thomas (age 22): Right, that was your major. Getting a different kind of job is a little surprising, but not unheard of.

Bosendorfer (age 22): It’s a job in the Magic industry. I would be a professional Magician.

Thomas (age 22): Oh, OK. … So, what did you want to talk with me about related to this job?

Bosendorfer (age 22): As you know, I’ve been wrestling with who I am and who I’m meant to be… really, I’ve been wrestling for quite a while… I know I could land an econ job and make good money with good benefits right off the bat. And I like econ… but… would I be happy in the long run? Is being an economist what I’m meant to be? Or, are there other things that would be better for me?

Thomas (age 22): Right…

Bosendorfer (age 22): So, I’ve been doing a little exploring… and I’ve felt like Magic is a big part of who I am, for quite a while now… but I just haven’t had the guts to tell anyone… until now, anyway…

Thomas (age 22): OK…

Bosendorfer (age 22): And, with this Magic job, I feel that I would finally be happy doing what I do… Not that I would be extremely unhappy doing econ or anything else that I could be doing, but I feel like this is what I’m meant to be doing. And so, I’m seriously thinking about taking this job…

Thomas (age 22): Go for it, then.

Bosendorfer (age 22): Thanks!

Thomas (age 22): I mean, if it is truly what you think you are meant to do, and if it truly makes you happy… go for it!

Bosendorfer (age 22): Thank you! You have no idea what this means to me!

Thomas (age 22): Of course. I do have a question, though – it seems like you really wanted this job from the moment you applied for it – what was it that you felt like you needed to call me first before taking this job?

Bosendorfer (age 22): Well… Magic is not considered “culturally acceptable,” which I do think needs to change… there is nothing wrong with Magic in the first place, if done right… but I also wasn’t sure what you would think about me taking this job… I wanted to talk with you about it first… besides, honestly, I’ve been tired of keeping this a secret…

Thomas (age 22): Of course, Bose. I have no problem with you taking this job. And I too don’t understand – or support – the judgments that society has about Magic.

Bosendorfer (age 22): Exactly. I think those judgments are wrong and not based in scientific fact.

Thomas (age 22): Same. I’m with you, Bose.

Dr. John: Of course, that was before you received Christ…

Thomas: Right. It was at least a few years before that. … I didn’t go to church growing up, and I grew up believing that science was the be-all, end-all for all truth.

Ty: So, what happened when you received Christ?

Thomas: Well, I was really hurting and in a lot of pain from the rejection I experienced when I visited a crush from college out in Fordstate, which would have been around the same time that Bosendorfer relocated out there, for this Magic job. After visiting this gal and hearing her tell me outright that a relationship was never going to work out between us, and then having to face saying goodbye to her once and for all, I got so drunk I passed out. Thankfully, I had two other close friends that ministered to me and really explained the Gospel to me. And they really drove home the point that I needed to plug into a church community to experience the real love that only God – through Jesus – can provide. But… somehow, that alone wasn’t enough for me to drive out all the pain.

Dr. John: Well, no. You can’t drive out pain. As I know you know, you have to grieve it. And I don’t think you had grieved your loss properly yet.

Thomas: Which is why I ended up seeing you for sessions. And then joining this group.

Max: Thomas, can you say more about why Bosendorfer chose this Magic job?

Dr. John: Max – Thomas already explained it earlier.

Max: Oh, OK. I’m sorry.

Dr. John: So, Thomas, you were saying about receiving Christ…

Thomas: So, after I received Christ and started attending the LifeTree Church, I got baptized, got involved in several of the church groups and ministries, and… God met me regarding some of my sticking points with the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth, particularly what it said about Magic. I was so pro-Magic, even despite my fears and personal discomfort, that I wanted to do anything to support Bosendorfer. After all, he’s been my best friend my whole life!

Dr. John: [noticing Thomas trying to suppress tears] Stay with the emotion, Thomas. This is important. Your tears need to be felt.

When Thomas was hanging out with Kristen at LifeTree and getting to know her, in between battling his own attractions for her (however unrequited), they had had many conversations about faith, for Kristen was also new in her faith and trying to learn how to apply her faith to her life. She even had lent him a couple books to read, including one that directly addressed the topic of Magic and the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth’s stance on it. It was through these conversations with her, through his reading of these books, and through him being brave enough to dare to tell another person about what he and Bosendorfer had done for 10 years as kids growing into young adults (Thomas had kept it a secret for years, even after they had stopped), that his heart began to soften toward the Christian perspective of Magic. Upon hearing his story, Kristen affirmed him and told him that having done Magic previously did not define who he was, and certainly did not define who he was in Christ. Kristen also had confided that she too had dabbled in Magic, also with a friend, but had determined much earlier that it too was not who or what she wanted to be. It was through his conversations with Kristen that Thomas felt like he could dare to begin to change his position on it, considering how strongly he had felt previously. (Perhaps it did help that he really was interested in her, which made it easier for him to become willing to reconsider his position.)

But Thomas also knew that there was potentially a cost. Given how strongly he had previously supported Magic and supported Bosendorfer (as well as a few other people in his life growing up that were important to him who also practiced it religiously), the question came up of whether to ever tell him. As Thomas continued returning to the Place to grow as an adult and receive help and healing from past wounds, he was able to grow stronger in many areas, including standing in his faith in Jesus and standing on the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth as his basis for what was true vs what was not. The two lifelong friends managed to not only keep in touch in spite of the distance between Centropolis (where Thomas was) and Bolton (where Bosendorfer was) but also maintain a friendship. After all, Bosendorfer regularly returned to Centropolis, usually once or twice a year to visit family, but also to visit Thomas, as well as a couple other friends he still had in the area. As the years went by, Thomas continued to marvel at how they were able to maintain their friendship, whereas with many other long-distance friends he had dropped out of touch.

About five years down the line, though, Bosendorfer also began to get help for himself. While he was happy as a professional Magician, and while he felt a lot of fulfillment in the work that he was doing, there were other dreams that Bosendorfer had that he had felt couldn’t happen if he stayed put in his career as a professional Magician (along with the way of life that came with it).

Bosendorfer continued visiting with Thomas and catching up, even as he began to uncover aspects of his own story that led him to struggle with aspects of his current life that he didn’t anticipate being difficult. As fulfilling as a career in Magic had first appeared to be, Bosendorfer found himself increasingly unable to pursue some of his other career and life goals. One frustration was that he wasn’t getting promoted like he had expected, and therefore not as able to fulfill his dreams of being an influencer for others to follow the way of Magic. He also was frustrated at not being able to build a community with other Magicians, despite meeting what he called a “potential special someone” who was also an avid Magic supporter and dabbler. As such, he sought help to try figure out why he was struggling the way he was.

As part of his self-discovery, Bosendorfer shared with Thomas about how he was finally coming to understand how restrictive his dad was with him, and how moving to Bolton was what he needed to do to get away from him. Despite the recurring disappointment with everything else in his current life, he still had a strong sense that being a Magician was what he was meant to be.

Thomas: Y’know Caleb, I’m grateful to God for a lot of things in my life, for healing me, for teaching me, for growing me … But there’s one thing I’m still struggling with in my faith walk.

Caleb Redding: Yeah? What’s that?

Thomas: How do we argue our faith, on the basis that the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth truly is the standard of all Truth, in a science-driven world?

Caleb: Well, we need to first show God’s love through what His Son Jesus did on the cross – His sacrifice for our sins. We need to not just talk about God’s love but also to show His love.

Thomas: True… but what about when someone will not even consider a viewpoint different from science that they think is a hateful viewpoint?

Caleb: Wow… that’s a tough one. I don’t know. I think sometimes all you can do at a given point in time is to just pray for them.

Caleb Redding was one of the first friends Thomas made when he first began attending LifeTree church. Caleb’s infectious joy played a role in helping lift Thomas’ spirits up when he was down, which was the case a lot of days in the early going. Caleb was also the one who introduced Thomas to Kristen (although they had already “met” previously, outside of church, by virtue of Thomas being a semi-regular customer of Jerry’s Bar and Grill, where Kristen sometimes waited on him and whoever else had accompanied him for the night). Caleb was also one of the first friends Thomas had met who was strongly anti-Magic, his intensity towards it which troubled Thomas at first. After Thomas had become willing to change his previous pro-Magic stance, he was able to be more fully open with Caleb about any manner of topics, including what the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth had to say about Magic, and as such, the friendship between the two men flourished even more.

Thomas’ friendship with Max was another such connection that flourished, particularly through their shared time at the Place, healing together and growing together. Max was also one of Thomas’ friends who had also gotten to meet Bosendorfer and get to know him decently well. Whenever Bosendorfer came to Centropolis, after having met Max and developed a friendship with him, the three friends regularly went on excursions, exploring nearby towns, visiting museums and other historical sites, and more. During these years while Thomas was growing, healing, and growing in his faith, he was blessed with a part-time job that allowed him more time-flexibility to do other things.

At one point, however, on one of Bosendorfer’s more recent visits, something began to shift. It was at this point that Bosendorfer had revealed that he was getting help for himself, and that he had begun to reveal his frustrations with where his life was going. Like always, Thomas wanted to listen and support Bosendorfer as he shared and processed, but he couldn’t help but notice that there was a shift in how his friend was thinking through things. Bosendorfer had long been open-minded about all manner of topics, including Magic, wanting to explore ideas and aspects of life; now, he was making set-in-stone declarations about what he believed.

When both men were younger, although Thomas didn’t grow up in a church, he often found himself curious about church billboards and some of the messages he had seen (all along the scope of “God is love” and “Jesus died for your sins”, etc.), and in previous conversations of yesteryear, would suggest exploring a church with Bosendorfer. His friend’s response was always: “I don’t know… I don’t want to be in a rush to decide on a church.” And so, Thomas immediately dropped it. You don’t care to go to a church, well, neither do I. And the conversation would promptly move to a different topic, and they would carry on without missing a beat.

So, imagine Thomas’ surprise on this one day when, in mid-sharing about his self-discoveries and frustrations about where his life has gone, Bosendorfer dropped a bombshell on Thomas about their mutual friend, Max:

“I don’t know if I can consider Max a friend anymore… A few years ago, he told me that he uses the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth as a guide for how he votes. As far as I’m concerned, that book is full of hate and lies, especially when it comes to Magic. As you know, Magic is my identity. Anyone who rejects Magic rejects me as a person. And anyone who rejects me, I want nothing to do with him. I am going to have to address this with Max too, so he knows.”

Thomas was speechless. Per his pattern with Bosendorfer from their long history together, he immediately switched topics, and their conversation continued humming along merrily as before, by all appearances, anyway.

Thomas: [raising his hand] I’d like to work, please.

Dr. John: [looks around the room, then speaks] Go ahead, Thomas.

Thomas: So, Bosendorfer’s coming to town next week and he wants to meet. … And frankly, I’m feeling terrified of it.

Dr. John: Can you say more about why you feel terrified?

Thomas: Well, as you all know, I’ve been feeling angry at what’s been happening in our Continent over the last couple years. Chief reason being – and I realize some of you may not agree with this – but I believe our last election was rigged. And as angry as I still feel about that, what I’m even angrier about is how we got to this point, to the point where it seems like the majority of the people on our Continent don’t care about whether it could really be true or not! … The point being, I wrote some things on Bookface a little while back because I was tired of seeing what I believe to be people refusing to even consider what the truth might really be!

Max: Well, OK, I get that you have strong feelings about the direction our Continent is headed right now, but did you really have to write about it on Bookface?

Thomas: [sighs, grunts] Oh, I suppose not!

Max: OK, you’re angry. I get it.

Dr. John: Thomas, I’d like to redirect you back to the present. Bosendorfer wants to meet with you, and I’m hearing you say that you’re scared to talk with him.

Thomas: I am. I’m confident he now knows I no longer support Magic. And, based on what he said to me a couple years ago, I’m afraid he’s going to decide to end the friendship, just because we don’t see eye-to-eye on this topic.

Max: Do you really think Bosendorfer would end the friendship over that?

Thomas: Yes, I do.

Ty: Do you think you might be projecting into it a bit?

Thomas: [sighs] Who knows? [looks towards Max] Max – you know him. You also told me that he confided in you one time about being a Magician and actively practicing Magic for his career, and about how strongly he feels that that is his identity. And you remember how I told you that he suspected that you were anti-Magic…

Max: Really?

Thomas: Yes. And you also remember I told you that he even said that he would need to talk with you about your views on Magic.

Max: Well, OK. He hasn’t called me to talk about it.

Thomas: Still… in that conversation he did not mince words. He made it very clear that he was not going to accept anything anyone had to say against Magic, even by simply quoting from the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth. He did say that. That much I know I’m not projecting.

Max: Goodness gracious!

Dr. John: Thomas, I hear the fear. It makes sense. I do have one question before we move to preparing for the conversation: you did understand the potential ramifications of what you wrote on Bookface when you wrote it, correct?

Thomas: [sighs] I did, shortly after. Maybe not at first. I was just so ticked off at everything that was going on. And honestly, what I remember about the place I was in when I wrote it was that there are so many people who are anti-Jesus, anti-Book of Eternal Sacred Truth, and anti-Christianity. We now live in a world where it’s like a “cardinal sin” to offend another person, and where it’s all about “my truth.” As for Magic, I can understand how and why someone might think that that’s their identity, but, after experiencing the God of the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth, there’s no two ways around it: Magic is not an identity, and it’s still wrong because God says so. No matter how one might rationalize or justify it… if God says it’s wrong, then who am I – or anyone else, for that matter – to say otherwise? … I just know that I’ve had to learn that the hard way. But yes, I understand fully that every action has a consequence. And especially with the way things have gone on our Continent and in our world over the last couple years, I’ve had to pick a side. And if that means risking offending some people (and even risking losing friends) for the sake of choosing to stand up for what I believe is right, and more importantly to not offend God… then so be it.

Dr. John: So how do you feel now after sharing what you’ve just shared?

Thomas: Less scared, to be sure. Still not looking forward to facing Bosendorfer. I do still think he’s going to bring it up.

Dr. John: Yes, let’s talk about that. When you’re grounded in your truth and in the truth that God has placed in your heart, how would you plan to approach it? … You can’t run away from it, and you can’t run away from Bosendorfer.

Thomas: Well, number one is to slow down, mentally and emotionally.

Dr. John: Yes! That is an excellent strategy. You’re always more grounded when you slow down. We’ve worked on this for a long time.

Thomas: Yes, we have. What I also know is that, whether or not I was completely grounded or “right in the head” when I posted what I wrote on Bookface, as an adult I am free to say what I wish, even knowing that there may be consequences, and I reserve the right to be able to say it.

Dr. John: Yes, that’s good. I do think there likely will be consequences for whatever it is that you wrote, but I also see that you have enough of that adult presence in you to face them.

Thomas met Bosendorfer at a local café the following week. He was still nervous, as expected, but he also hadn’t seen his friend in quite a while. The usual pleasantries were exchanged, but Thomas noted that Bosendorfer was already more distant than before they had dropped out of touch. A simple, light fist-bump was the greeting received, compared with a hug that normally would have accompanied the erstwhile lifelong best friends. Yup, he knows, Thomas thought, and he’s going to want to talk about it. We’ll see how this goes. They ordered their beverages at the cashier and sat down at a table in the corner of the café.

The conversation began innocuously enough. Bosendorfer had casually mentioned about how he had gotten married just in the last year, about six months earlier. He and his now-wife simply went to the courthouse, signed the paperwork, and went to a bistro with a few close friends of his wife’s. We kept the guest list extremely small, for multiple reasons, Bosendorfer had said. For the honeymoon, they stayed local in Bolton and spent a week at a bed-and-breakfast, considering how traveling had become much more dangerous due to the increase in uprisings all across the Continent. Circumstantially, Thomas didn’t offer many updates, considering that any of them might accidentally spark the conversation in the direction of the topic he knew would come. However, as Bosendorfer gradually began opening up even more particularly about his personal growth and other life updates (perhaps he had momentarily forgotten about how he felt toward Thomas?), the conversation moved to the topic of science.

Bosendorfer: …That’s what I love about science: it has allowed us to discover so many things. Whether it’s questions about the origins of the universe, or about understanding my own journey and how I came to be what I am today, science has – and always will – reveal to us what the truth is. Nothing else, not even religion, can say that!

Thomas: I actually have a different basis for what I believe to be the be-all, end-all of all truth… there’s a book I choose to trust, and it has served me very well. Kept me grounded.

Bosendorfer: Are you referring to the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth? You do realize that everything in there is made up, right?

Thomas: Actually, it’s not made up.

Bosendorfer: Science has disproven it.

Thomas: That’s not true.

Bosendorfer: Yes, it is. Science has proven that the universe is 15 billion years old, that it started with a big bang, and that there’s no god.

Thomas: Actually, that’s all been made up. You do know that science never actually disproved God’s existence, right? That all it was, was that they couldn’t prove His existence.

Bosendorfer: Isn’t that the same thing?

Thomas: No, it’s not. All it shows is that science is not big enough and not strong enough to answer that question. Which leads the next question, being that, why are we putting our entire trust in science when it can’t even answer that question?

Bosendorfer: What do you mean? Everything we need to know, science has been able to answer.

Like Bosendorfer, Thomas had grown up believing the idea of science being the be-all, end-all of all truth. Along with his views on Magic, changing his views on science, particularly in relation to his new-at-the-time faith, took a while. On the one hand, Thomas wanted to understand why Bosendorfer was appearing to be so stubborn about science being sufficient for explaining the how and the why of everything in the universe. On the other hand, though, by this point he also had grown enough in his faith that there was no denying that science simply could not answer all questions. The chief question Thomas tried to bring up to his erstwhile lifelong friend was the question of why scientists still ask “why are we here?” The point was to try to show Bosendorfer that, because scientists left and right were still asking that question, even today, that alone should be proof enough that science has limitations. The hope was that, if he could show that there was reasonable doubt in science’s sufficiency, which could open the door to just simply the mere possibility that the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth could have any credibility to Bosendorfer, if not the basis for all truth.

The two men went back and forth for a while about whether science could answer all questions, the who, the what, the where, the when, the why, and the how. This part of the conversation also included the events of now twenty years prior, when several thousand “aliens” landed on the Sphere of Life. That event changed the course of history on the Sphere of Life, including bringing up new questions about the universe, now that alien life did indeed exist. The one thing that these “aliens” brought was more data about a man potentially similar to the Sphere of Life’s Most Influential Man.

Thomas: My point is this, Bosey: if all science is based on hypothesis, experiment, and theory, and especially limited to what humans – or instruments – can measure, then that leaves us with only four out of the six: we can measure what something is, we can measure when something occurred, and we can measure where or how big or massive something is, and from that we can mathematically determine how something moved or grew or shrunk or changed. But that’s it! I have yet to see science answer “who” or “why” …

Bosendorfer: Still, science has been answering – and still answers – every question that is important to me, including that Magic is real and that there’s nothing “wrong” with it. I really hate people who disparage it and call it “sin.” I can’t stand them. …which brings up another point, Thomas…

Oh boy, Thomas thought. Here we go. The conversation was now turning toward the one he knew was bound to happen – one that he hoped would never have come – and it was beginning now. He didn’t even get a chance to bring back the question of “why are we here?” which Bosendorfer didn’t even try to answer.

Bosendorfer: Why did you write your comments about Magic on Bookface earlier this year? I don’t understand it – you used to be open-minded; now, it’s like I don’t even know you anymore.

Still, Thomas was aware of wanting to get defensive. It’s my choice what I think, and it’s none of your business. After all, you’re the one that said you would reject anyone who disagrees with you regarding Magic, no matter who that person is. What am I supposed to do with that? After what probably was a long pause, Thomas finally decided to respond.

Thomas: What do you want to know?

Bosendorfer: [chuckles incredulously] I want an answer to the question I just asked you: why did you post what you posted?

Thomas: [pausing for a couple seconds] Because I’m an adult and I am free to think – and speak -- for myself. You don’t have to like what I think, let alone what I post. What’s your point?

Bosendorfer: You’re not answering my question.

Thomas: Because frankly, I don’t want to. If you don’t like something I have to say, that’s your issue, not mine.

Bosendorfer: Thomas!

Thomas: Bose, we used to be best friends. Not only so, but we somehow have managed to stay close friends long after you moved out to Fordstate. I’m still blown away by that, considering that I’ve lost touch with just about all my other long-distance friends. My point being, I’ve noticed a change in you in the last few years, one that I don’t particularly like. It’s funny that you say you feel like you don’t know me anymore, because I feel like I don’t know you, either.

Bosendorfer: Well, you’ve changed.

Thomas: So have you. [Bosendorfer scoffs] You yourself used to be more flexible in your opinions, not wanting to rush to “set things in stone,” as you used to say. Now, all of a sudden – and I’ve noticed this in some of our other conversation topics just today – I suggest alternate ideas to yours, and you immediately shoot them down.

Bosendorfer: What do you mean?

Thomas: [continuing] And moreover, you do it with regularity. Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about! I’ve heard you do it over and over! … You may not be aware of it, but I certainly am.

Bosendorfer: Well, look who’s talking! Like I was saying earlier, you used to be very open-minded, and now you have changed!

Thomas: Yes, I have. I’m a Book of Eternal Sacred Truth believer now. I’m a Christian. Is that a problem?

Bosendorfer: Well, it is if you’re a Magicophobe. …Are you? I know you no longer support people practicing it.

Thomas: I’ve had my current opinion on Magic for at least a decade now. And the fact that I used to practice it – with you – when I was younger, that’s not who I am anymore. I’ve turned away from that part of my life.

Bosendorfer: So you reject Magic.

Thomas: I do.

Bosendorfer: Thus, you’re rejecting me.

Thomas: No, I’m not.

Bosendorfer: Yes, you are.

Thomas: No, I’m not! You don’t get to decide what my truth is. My truth is what I say it is! If I say I accept you for who I know you to be but disagree with you when it comes to Magic, then that’s what’s true! You don’t get to decide that for me!

Bosendorfer: Thomas – Magic is my identity.

Thomas: No, it is not your identity!

Bosendorfer: According to your logic, if I say it is, then what I say about myself – and not what you say – is what’s true!

Thomas: No –

Bosendorfer: [continuing] Therefore, if you reject Magic, you reject me… and if you reject me – you’re a Magicophobe! Case closed.

Thomas: Bosendorfer, I only oppose Magic because God, the God of the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth says its wrong. I used to be a staunch supporter of it. You know that! I used to be angry at people who opposed it, too! But God showed me, through His Word, through His Book, that He is against it and against people who persist in doing Magic. And Bosendorfer, being a Book of Eternal Sacred Truth believer, being a Christian, is my identity. So, if you call me a Magicophobe, you’re attacking my identity.

Bosendorfer: No, I’m not.

Thomas: Yes, you are. According to your own logic, if you reject me for being a Christian, you’re rejecting all of me.

Bosendorfer: No, I’m not. I’m…

Thomas: [continuing] And yet, the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth – a key part of my identity – makes it very clear that Magic is wrong. God is against it. Case closed.

Bosendorfer: I’m not rejecting you!

Thomas: Then why have you not answered any of my phone calls or texts in the last year? You think I’d be so stupid not to realize something was up?

Bosendorfer: Thomas, your comments were judgmental, and they hurt. What did you expect, knowing that I might’ve read them?

Thomas: Funny you should mention that. You think that just because I’m a Christian I’m automatically hateful?

Bosendorfer: Well, you Christians typically are.

Thomas: No, we’re not! The Book of Eternal Sacred Truth commands us to speak the truth in love! God sent Jesus Christ into the world not to condemn the world, but to save us all, because He loved the world!

Bosendorfer: If your “god” is love, as you say, then why are you so hateful toward Magic and people who use it?

Thomas: You realize there’s a big difference between someone being hateful and me merely saying something you don’t agree with! Just because I disagree with Magic doesn’t mean I hate you! Why do you have such a hard time understanding that?

Bosendorfer: Because Magic is my identity. If you’re against it, you’re against me. Why do you have such a hard time understanding that?

Thomas: You know what’s interesting? You think all Christians – including me, apparently — are hateful and judgmental, and yet you don’t see that you’re being hateful and judgmental of me simply because I disagree with you. You’re basically being a hypocrite!

Bosendorfer: No, I’m not…

Thomas: Yes, you are! You basically ghosted me for a year without any explanation, only to then reach out to dump on me and trash my identity and how I’m supposedly wrong to have the identity I have. I really don’t appreciate that, Bose.

Bosendorfer: That’s not what I’m saying.

Thomas: Yes, it is, and you’ve made it crystal clear what you think of my identity. And I can tell that our friendship right now is on rocky ground because of it. … I never once said I hated you for doing Magic or rejected you.

Bosendorfer: You basically implied it in your Bookface post.

Thomas could tell Bosendorfer’s face was starting to turn red. He paused, noting it, before continuing:

Thomas: No, I didn’t. You’re projecting your own reactions into what I wrote, and … I’m not seeing you take any ownership of that.

Bosendorfer: I’m done with this. Bye.

Bosendorfer got up to leave. Thomas watched as his once-longtime friend just walked off without another word.

Thomas: Bosendorfer!!

He knew Bosendorfer was fuming, and within seconds the thought entered his head that this could be potentially the last time he ever saw him. He just sat there in disbelief and shock processing what had just happened. After a year of no contact, Bosendorfer had resurfaced. Thomas had thought there was maybe hope of ironing out this disagreement and saving the friendship. But Bosendorfer could not get past the thought of Thomas disagreeing with his lifestyle as anything but blanket rejection.

Thomas knew he had to tell Jed Berger and Charlie Jarvis. Unlike Max, they’d known Bosendorfer over a long period of time, from when they were all college-age men and growing into young adults together. Jed could recall their shared times catching a ballgame at a local bar or playing pool or going bowling – just hanging out. Jed too had developed a friendship with Bosendorfer, but the history of their friendship was not to the level that Thomas had. Although Jed was officially neutral on the topic, preferring not to get involved or offend Bosendorfer or others that were pro-Magic, he was still shocked. Charlie, now an ordained pastor, wasn’t nearly as close to Bosendorfer as the others, was not as surprised. The three friends had gotten together for a video chat to catch up and ended up talking for a while.

Jed Berger: Wow! That really happened?

Thomas: Yup.

Jed: I can’t believe it!

Thomas: I know.

Jed: He really walked out on you like that?!?

Thomas: He did.

Pastor Charlie Jarvis: I know it’s hard, but sometimes this happens.

Jed: I don’t get it, though, how either Thomas or Bosendorfer could take as strong – and opposite – stances as they have.

Pastor Charlie: Well, for Bosendorfer, I think two things. Number one, he was – and continued to be – influenced by those that were around him… that for him, Magic was not only “not wrong,” but “good” and “right.” The people that he’s gotten to know over the years played a role in convincing him to also believe that anyone who disagreed with him was “wrong” and “hateful.” Number two, I think when he entered counseling for himself to try to figure out why he wasn’t feeling fulfilled in his life, not only did that influence him but it led him to harden his thinking, which wasn’t there before. As a pastor who preaches the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth, I do have to disagree with the decisions that he’s made. But, understanding the environment he’s in, as well as the counseling he’s underwent, it makes perfect sense why he’s become what he’s become at this point.

Jed: Well, I don’t have a problem with Bosendorfer, or with anything he’s done. I still consider myself a Christian, but I refuse to judge him. I’m just sad that two of my closest college friends have decided to not be friends anymore.

Pastor Charlie: I hear that.

Thomas: [sighs exasperatedly] Jed, I never wanted to end the friendship with Bosendorfer…

Jed: But then, Thomas, I don’t get it either on your side. It’s one thing to not be pro-Magic, but it’s another thing to be anti-Magic. Why?

Thomas: Jed, really…?

Pastor Charlie: It makes sense to me why.

Thomas: Really?

Jed: What do you mean?

Pastor Charlie: Well, Jed, you do realize that Thomas used to be staunchly pro-Magic…

Jed: Right…

Pastor Charlie: …and that Bosendorfer was, from what I understand, the primary reason for it.

Thomas: That’s right.

Pastor Charlie: Now, Jed, part of Thomas’ previous position on Magic also included the fact that he practiced it with Bosendorfer. It was an experience they shared, really for a long time. So, for him to change his opinion would have also meant he would have had to face the fact that he sinned, according to the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth. How could he not have a strong stance on it then?

Jed: That all makes sense so far, but… why is that Thomas has a strong stance now, only against it?

Pastor Charlie: Well, you do know that since then, Thomas received Christ… and you and I played a big role in getting him started.

Jed: True, true…

Pastor Charlie: At that point, when a person receives Christ, God has to take it from there. As a pastor, I help lead and encourage people to grow in their faith, but God Himself does the work in their hearts… if they let Him, that is. While I have a job to do, I also have to entrust each person to God and to their own personal relationships with Him as they may be. … And from what I understand, I do think the fact that Thomas really wrestled with what the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth said about Magic, was largely due to both his strong stance for it, as well as his experiences with Bosendorfer.

Thomas: That’s right. I was not looking to change my opinion on it!

Jed: OK, I got that. But then, what happened?

Pastor Charlie: [Thomas gesturing to Pastor Charlie to speak] Well, God met him in it. I don’t know all the circumstances around it – Thomas, you would have to speak to that, if you so choose – but someone can change their opinion on something, if something big enough leads that person to do so. I suspect that, God answered Thomas’ prayers – or rants, whatever you want to call it – and showed him why He abhors Magic. And we know that in the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth, God refers to Magicians as those that hunt souls with their Magic. … Some translations say “Magic charms.” … Same thing, as far as I’m concerned.

Jed: Right, and we know that God wants as many souls to receive Him – His Son – as Lord and Savior, and to join Him in heaven for eternity.

Thomas: And Magicians use Magic to hunt souls to suck the life out of them… in a way, to suck them away from God. It’s funny that I didn’t make this connection until now, but I never realized that what I was experiencing while speedwalking with Bosendorfer was in a sense, my soul slowly being sucked out of me. I’ve always only thought of it that I wasn’t mentally “all there.” … I don’t know how Bosey was able to be “all there” when we did it… or even when he did it, by himself.

Jed: So, if I’ve gotten this straight – you do oppose Magic because of the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth, and because you do trust it as the inerrant Word of God.

Thomas: Correct.

Jed: But you also oppose it, because in addition to it, you’ve had both personal experiences with Magic but also with God who spoke to you directly about it.

Thomas: Through His Word, and through my prayer time with Him, but yeah.

Jed: I understand it better now. I’m still bummed, though.

Thomas: I am, too, guys. I’ve been chatting with my support group, but this is a big deal. I expect it’s going to be awhile.

Pastor Charlie: Well, why don’t we pray…

Sometimes there is no happy ending to a story, or at least to a chapter to a story. Bosendorfer did not reach out to Thomas after their meeting, and Thomas felt like the ball was in his former friend’s court regarding potential reconciliation. After all, Bosendorfer walked out when Thomas had said something else that he didn’t like. But Thomas did have his other friends, and God was still working in his life, disappointment, pain, and all. After receiving Jesus and then getting to know the Book of Eternal Sacred Truth intimately, he felt like there was no way he could turn back now. After all, other blessings and joys were underway…