On the one hand, there is the opportunity to grow professionally and turn this into a permanent job (currently, I'm still being paid via the temp agency). On the other hand, it is a job through the temp agency, and it is in a line of work I had never heard of until the opportunity was first presented to me last fall.
When I'm struggling, I don't tend to make it public (although ironically, I'm doing precisely that right now), and as a result it comes out internally, in my prayer life. I am deliberately sharing this on here as a confession, in the spirit of transparency, along with all the sermon notes I take from my church, as well as blog thoughts on various Biblical passages that either God is highlighting or just simply strike a chord with me. But I cannot claim -- nor can anyone else -- that I'm walking this Christian faith out anywhere close to perfectly. At that, I even sometimes have to admit that there are times when I'm also not progressing. There is a phrase often repeated in specialized support groups: "We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection." But what is also true is, if I'm not actively pursuing growth, I'm instead slipping backwards.
Enough about me. I would say my Bible reading discipline is better on a day-to-day basis, but I'm still finding I have gaps for a few days at a time when I just don't do the "assigned" reading. I have felt those gaps more and more over the last month because, unlike the first three months, each day's reading will take a little from up to four different Biblical books. On the one hand, there is no continuity, due to the jumping around between books. On the other hand, however, the continuity that does exist is the fact that everything is arranged chronologically, so the "history" aspect is preserved.
As such, a few passages that I believe God has been really putting in front of me, 1.) to convict me, 2.) to remind me to remember Him, and 3.) to trust Him.
6 ‘I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
7 ‘You shall have no other gods before Me.
8 ‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; 9 you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, 10 but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
11 ‘You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
12 ‘Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you. 13 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 14 but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your ox, nor your donkey, nor any of your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates, that your male servant and your female servant may rest as well as you. 15 And remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the Sabbath day.
16 ‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
17 ‘You shall not murder.
18 ‘You shall not commit adultery.
19 ‘You shall not steal.
20 ‘You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
21 ‘You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife; and you shall not desire your neighbor’s house, his field, his male servant, his female servant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.’
As you might have guessed, these are the Ten Commandments, restated in the book of Deuteronomy. The original statement of the Commandments can be found in Exodus 20:1-17. What I am aware of is that, even though I am a sinner saved by grace, from having received Jesus Christ as my Savior and (especially) as my Lord, sometimes in those moments of struggling with my faith when faced with a challenge, I have responded in such away (again, privately) that requires that I be reminded of who God actually is vs what I have reframed Him as, as well as the code of conduct He requires:
Therefore circumcise the foreskin of your heart, and be stiff-necked no longer.And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live.
Even in the New Testament, the Holy Spirit (through Apostle Paul) speaks to this as well:
but he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the Spirit, not in the letter; whose praise is not from men but from God.
While I do believe that, for some, therapy is a critical piece for healing, even alongside a true faith in Jesus and in the Bible, there does eventually come a point where one's struggle boils down to whether one wants to do the difficult (right) thing or not, and nothing else. Over the last few years, I've come to realize that I've finally hit that point, that because of the healing I have received overall, I can no longer use the things that held me back for a long time as a reason to not at least keep trying to move forward. And yet, I am aware that this is precisely the battle.
To close this part of the post, another growth-edge Bible verse:
“And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day.
No comments:
Post a Comment