Blogging checkpoint

I will admit, more recently I've been wondering what it was that changed to where I felt like I could blog again. I've been marveling at the timing, February 2019, for my return. My nerdy self, for example, thinks that I could've waited a year so that I could have returned in 2020, a "nice, round number" year. My practical self knows why I stopped blogging in the first place: first, I was using the blog, technically a public space (even though my readership is low), to process things (after all, it was what my blogging heroes did); second, between the blog and personal journals I kept on the computer, it wasn't actually helping me process through things; third, it was actually hurting my processing ability, as I was instead using it as a space to wallow in the low places I was without actually getting any help.

So, my practical self knew enough that for me to get the help I needed, the blogging needed to stop. But, to make sure that I stopped, I needed to pull the entire thing off the internet. So I did. And it worked. Occasionally during the six-year layoff, I would have cursory thoughts about returning to blog again. While my determination to mental health succeeded at keeping me away from "breaking the habit" that I had established, the thoughts and curiosities came once in a while. This other part of myself is the one that periodically wonders, "what if I had come back in 2016? or 2017? or 2018?" And finally, one other part of myself that wonders about timing, wonders what I would have done if I had waited until 2021. The primary reason for that wonder ties back to my practical self's rationale: I stopped blogging because I had begun group therapy and needed to focus my "processing writing" within the confines of designated journaling required for success in the group. As such, it would therefore be logical to wait to resume blogging until I finished group therapy and graduated, which happened in 2021.

But that didn't happen. Rather, I picked it up again, in the middle of my previous relationship and still in the middle of my own personal healing and growing process. I picked it up again due to a dream and to a whiff of an idea for what I might do. Even now, though, I still have not followed up on it. Over the (almost) three years of my return to blogging, it started with one thing, and then kept developing over time. At the beginning, I put forth a very specific set of guidelines, which, looking back, I've largely done well at adhering to, now to the point that it's almost effortless. But there were nudges along the way, primarily tied to me agreeing with my ex's suggestion to use the blog to honor God, particularly by reflecting on Bible verses and other Christian inspirational topics. And at some point, a few months in, I began giving it over to God to use. Most directly, a year ago, I felt God put on my heart to post sermon notes from my (at the time) new church, which I've done and intend to continue doing. And more recently, thoughts related to music.

I'll admit that while I now primarily use it to share encouraging messages of faith, and occasionally comment on things in the world around me (or in sports) but tie a message of salvation to my observations regarding whatever it is I'm observing, I still feel like I'm trying to find my purpose in it. This blog is not monetized. I write this stuff for free. One of the longer-range goals from the original vision was that I would temporarily use this blog to practice writing again, and then jump to another platform where I write stuff and get paid for it.

That all said, with the rise in censorship in this country related to topics or viewpoints that don't agree with the dominant, popular viewpoint, I don't know if I would at this point be able to get away with monetizing this space for long. I have already pulled back the curtain regarding what I think on certain things, and some of the topics would likely certify a "red flag" and de-monetization, if found.

The other thing is, I enjoy writing and sharing different tidbits, even if it's for free. However, given that making money is still primary, especially considering my own life goals and dreams, and also considering the ever-changing landscape around me, I have to continue to very carefully guard my time and my energy.

That said, I do suspect that part of the timing of my returning to blogging (February 2019) -- not that I would have known this at the time -- was 1.) to indeed practice blogging again, but also 2.) to do so, and to be ready, not only in writing-practice, but also in heart, mind, and spirit, to write in such a way that a.) pleases God, but also b.) speaks truth, "shout[ing] it from the rooftops," given what 2020 and 2021 (and likely beyond) was going to look like. 2019 was a year of preparation. There were other decisions I made in 2019, things or people that I moved on from, that I now also realize would have been much messier had I needed to move on from them in either of the last two years. 

Now that we are in 2022, I don't really have a set agenda for this blog at this point outside of what I'm already doing. A lot of it has to do with the larger context of my life. I still intend to encourage people with posting sermon notes from my church as I am able. People still need to know about Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross for our sins. People still need to know that heaven is real, and that, unfortunately, hell is real, also. People still need to know that making a decision to receive Jesus into their hearts, to follow Him in their lives, and to pick His way over the world's way, over their own way, and over the way of our enemy, Satan, is by far the most important decision in their lives. Everything else is secondary, no matter how alluring or ingrained or desirable it may be. Jesus has made it clear:

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.  Matthew 7:13-14, NKJV

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.  John 14:6, NKJV

I reiterate what I said a year ago: it's either Jesus or hell once you die. And this truth is bigger than me.

This is likely at least part of what this blog will look like in the coming year. Beyond sharing the salvation message and sharing sermon notes from my church, I have no idea what else will be on this page.