Reflecting on my journey to becoming saved in Christ, it became evident to me that a big stumbling block preventing me from grasping what it takes to get saved, to really receive a relationship with Jesus, was my reliance (worship?) on intelligence. After all, it was the culture (home, school, and church) I grew up in. The passage I’m about to share is what came to mind. Briefly, this passage spoke to me some years ago when I was stressing anticipating what was expecting to be a difficult conversation with a friend. Specifically, I was stressing trying to figure out the perfect argument to make this friend not only realize he was wrong but also to repent. In some ways, the stakes were really that high, but in others, I was making it worse. In the middle of all that, God spoke to me:
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.” Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 1 Corinthians 1:18-21, NIV
I’m going to stop there, for a bit.
Growing up in church, I knew about Jesus’ birth, passion,
death, and resurrection, and have known these things practically my whole life.
I didn’t realize until well into my adulthood that I needed to make an actual decision
to receive Him into my heart and then to trust Him. Similarly, I’ve begun
seeing clearly some of the same things in each of my parents, particularly in
my dad. Sometimes I think that he may be “a step away” from saying “yes” to
receiving Jesus in his heart and giving his life to him. But then other times,
I feel like he’s far from it. For a long time, I couldn’t put my finger on it,
not until recently. But one day I clearly saw it: like me once, and like so
many other people I grew up with, he has great love for intelligence, and it is
that that has been what’s gotten in the way of his receiving a relationship
with Jesus. Now, to be clear: a desire for wisdom or intelligence isn’t wrong. But
as we will see, that love for intelligence needs to be in its proper place. Continuing:
Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christs the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength. 1 Corinthians 1:22-25, NIV
I’m stopping again to stop and think about it: God on His
worst day is better than any of us on our best day. No matter how much intelligence,
knowledge, and wisdom I ever attain, it is still miniscule compared with all
the knowledge and wisdom God has. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get wisdom,
however! In fact, Proverbs 4:7 says: “wisdom is supreme; therefore, get
wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” Not to mention all
the times mentioned in the book of Proverbs about all the consequences of folly
and the bad things that happen to fools because of their folly.
Personally, in 2017, I felt God trying to get me to focus on
reading the book of Proverbs. (In full disclosure, I would say I largely
disobeyed.) I did read through it some, and I got as far as chapter 10 or 11,
but, my reading was sporadic, and I certainly didn’t read enough of it to
absorb the text like I ought to have.
Before I got saved and after I had taken the very first step
the first time of deciding to read the Bible for myself (growing up
Episcopalian, personal Bible reading was neither encouraged nor discouraged, to
my recollection), there was a time where I came across a number of random
passages across Scripture that tickled my fancy largely (or even purely) for
intellectual reasons. One passage I remember that really got my attention was
when Jesus told the Pharisees “Let whoever is without sin cast the first
stone!” (John 8:3-11) My predominant reaction was: “Jesus was smart.” Well, He
was, but there is so much more to this than simply Jesus outsmarting the
Pharisees and catching them in their hypocrisy. But that’s what I got at the
time. (I read through this sometime in Spring 2007, when I first began reading
the Bible for myself.)
Another passage was from Numbers 5 concerning God’s test for
an unfaithful wife. I think my main takeaway from it then was I simply felt
shocked at how detailed and gory this passage was. Again, the Episcopal church
tended to avoid passages within the Bible that they deemed “uncomfortable,” so
I grew up assuming that, except for Jesus’ passion and crucifixion, the Bible
was otherwise G-rated, or at most, PG-rated. Not only so, but I also expected
that that’s what the Bible was supposed to be. It explains to me now, how for a
while my ire and outrage at the Bible, especially the Old Testament, was
because of how “bloody” and “gory” I found parts of it to be. (There were also
other influences in my life that played into it, but this was also a piece of
it.)
The third passage that comes to mind regarding passages that drew me in from this era of reading the Bible for myself but not yet being saved, is from Jeremiah 3 where it says, “faithless Israel is more righteous that unfaithful Judah.” That really hit home for me because on top of still struggling with my obsessaholism for a girlfriend and the accompanying misery of failing over and over again, I had recently read a blog post written by a guy who had led a men’s Bible study and prayer group that I had been in (made up of all 20-something-year-old men) mentioning about “a tragic series of moral failures” having occurred over the previous six months. Reading that revelation hurt, partially because of a moral indignation I felt, but much more so because of jealousy, given my issue of the obsession. These feelings of jealousy and pain were stirred up by what this blog post appeared to confirm:
- That these “moral failures” (and the “tragic series” thereof) were largely sexual-related (I knew that many of these men were in dating relationships at the time)
- One of these such relationships included one of the men from the men’s group, with a woman that I still was obsessed with (and one who had repeatedly turned me down)
So, to then read that verse from Jeremiah 3 felt like, at last
someone had my back!
Looking at that passage now and knowing what I know now
about myself back then, I think God was trying to use that to gently correct
me. I realize that, at least in my heart if not my outward actions, all these
other guys were more like Israel (they all backslid) but I was more like Judah
(I was jealous and wanted to join the sin party, and I was miserable that I
couldn’t, so I had turned to just being indignant in my heart at their sins, as
a cloak).
I write that also because, some months later, I had met with
a much older man from my church, one who was very mature in his faith (I forget
how we ended up meeting) who, when I shared my feelings and struggles toward my
peer-age group, he suggested that more than anything I was likely struggling
with a hardened heart, and that, much like God will judge each of my peers for
their actions, He too will judge me for me mine, including a hardened heart.
The message didn’t take, but I did mentally note it, as I already had a long
list of issues I was already beginning to work on, and that this issue would
come up again at some point. Eventually I would have to deal with it, and it
did come up again later, albeit in a different form, and due to different
circumstances. Continuing with the passage from 1 Corinthians:
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that area, so that no one may boast before him. 1 Corinthians 1:26-29, NIV
Stopping there because I want to requote verse 28 in a
different translation:
… the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things that are not, to bring to nothing the things that are … 1 Corinthians 1:28, NKJV
And now another translation:
Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose those “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions of the “somebodies”? 1 Corinthians 1:28, MSG
And one more translation:
God has selected [for His purpose] the insignificant (base) things of the world, and the things that are despised and treated with contempt, [even] the things that are nothing, so that He might reduce to nothing the things that are … 1 Corinthians 1:28, AMP
While this may not be a verse I put above every other verse
in the Bible, I can tell it grabs me. That fact that I copied it in 4 different
translations – I wanted to look at different translations to understand (and
grasp) the meaning of the phrase “the things that are not” – this very fact
indicates that it’s resonating with me. The AMP, for instance, describes it as
“the things that are nothing” which makes sense adding the MSG’s translation as
“nobodies” (with quotes already included). When I consider my longtime struggle
with obsession (thankfully largely gone, in Jesus’ name!) as well as other
struggles, the underlying belief was also a longtime feeling of being a
“nothing” and wanting to alternately a.) strive to be a “something,” and b.) in
my misery, wallow and wish that it would just be a whole lot easier to be a
“something.” And yet, God still chose me. Jesus still redeemed me. Of course,
He still wants me to pursue His wisdom, and not the world’s.
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