On growing up, and what it really takes

You can't force people to grow up. To some degree, the right circumstances can, and to another degree, one can set boundaries, such as: "if you do this, then I will do that," or "if you don't do this, then I won't do that." But you can't force someone to grow up. You can't force someone to change.

When I was in my early 20s, both during college and after, after a certain season or amount of the passage of time, I periodically asked myself: "did I finally grow up? Am I now functionally an adult?" (Spoiler: the answer was "no.") But as I look back, one glaring lie that I believed was that I would magically somehow figure out how to be an adult. I suspect that my parents did, too, and were subsequently disappointed when my actions (or inactions, as that may be) showed that I wasn't.

I think I have an idea where the lie originates: the idea that humans are just like animals. ("After all, we are part of the animal kingdom.") Animals have instincts that they are either born with, or are able to learn after observing 100%, at which point they are able to survive. Then there is the lie that humans are by nature basically good, with only a few that turn bad. Moreover the idea that because humans are supposedly by nature good, that all hatred is taught.

The Bible teaches differently:

1.) that humans are by nature sinful, selfish, and easily corruptible, each one of us. This compelling article on humanity's sin nature is full of overwhelming Biblical evidence.

2.) we are most definitely not animals! In fact, God specifically designed for us to have mastery over the animals. ["what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet: all flocks and herds, and the animals of the wild, the birds in the sky, and the fish in the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas." Psalm 8:4,6-8, NIV]

3.) because humans are by nature sinful, selfish, and easily corruptible, we have to be taught how to be patient, forgiving, kind, compassionate, and so on.

One example: a number of years ago, I saw a father walk his then-six-year-old daughter through the correct way to get his attention. She had been interrupting him while he was talking to someone else. If humans were by nature good, then why did a six-year-old need to be taught patience, courtesy and respect? After all, according to this line of thinking, she would have been born already knowing how to be patient, courteous, and respectful. Or surely, at minimum, having observed her parents model these attributes, she would picked it up on her own after a few observations, would she not? And certainly, after six years of observation, she should have mastered such skills as well as they, right?

I think not!

Growing up is the same thing. What I have found is that at its most barebones, it says this: "I am going to initiate and take charge--whether it's of a project, or my own life--and I'm going to accept (and take) responsibility for its results." To it I would add that it also involves putting into practice trusting God. It's one thing to preach in churches about trusting God and the importance of doing so, but it's wholly another to know experientially what that entails. Yes, this can feel scary. And, for some people, it requires serious help for a person to make it to this stage. Sadly, this is true for many more than any of us realize.

I do believe God gave me counseling and therapy as a route to this point. I also believe He gave me it because, frankly, I needed it. But, one thing I've come to realize is that, while I believe the right counseling and therapy is good and important, it means nothing if you're not saved. As great (in one sense, anyway) it is to be able to grow up, what's more important is knowing that you have a relationship with Jesus, and that you know that for sure. A big part of growing up is nicely summed up in the following passage:

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:14-19, NIV.

One's work is never done. If I can offer encouragement to anyone reading this who is feeling tired, weary, or hopeless about their personal or spiritual growth, it is this: no one is ever perfectly "grown up"; no one is ever perfectly "an adult"; because all humans are sinners (and born sinners) there is no magical point of "perfect" adulthood. For the longest time, I thought there was. But there isn't. It is why I reiterate: just get saved. Just receive Jesus as your Savior and Lord, and accept His sacrifice on the cross. Life down here is hard, whether you're homeless or a billionaire, whether you're unemployed or have the title of the Queen of England. But regardless of where you're at, it doesn't have to all go to waste. There's another life on the other side, a better one, if you receive Jesus. (The flip side is that it will absolutely get worse if you don't, even if in this life you were homeless, unemployed, or in jail.) But, while you're still alive, now is your opportunity.