One post at a time

This is only a one-post break from my re-hiatus from blogging. I'm in school part-time, working full-time, and dreaming up plans with a special someone. (I'm not yet making them, mind you. We're not there yet. But hopefully soon.) But I don't have time to blog. I'm still "off" Facebook, and while I am curious about it from time to time, I simply recall my last experiences of it before I "left." I'm planning to return briefly next month once this semester ends simply to check in for a bit. I'm actually pondering really leaving then.

I may yet post again sometime after today. But, to borrow from an AA mantra, "one post at a time." I barely have time for friends that are outside my current circle, i.e. friends I still haven't seen since March, when the pandemic shut everything down. So we'll see.

One new change since July is I've changed churches. I now attend Good News Christian Center in Des Plaines, and I'm enjoying it. I've let a couple people from the Vineyard know, one of whom is one of my best friends, and the other who is the worship pastor. Still waiting to hear back from the worship pastor. I heard he's going through an exceptionally busy time right now. I'm waiting back because I have no idea what the right way is to go about informing others, particularly other pastors on staff.

I'm writing today partly to update, and partly to pontificate. As you might have guessed, this is the longest an election process has ever taken (to my knowledge), particularly the election of the next President of the United States. I believe that no matter the outcome, this will truly be a major tipping point in our country's history, likely unseen since 1865. As of this post, the outcome is still undecided, a whole three days past Election Day. It feels surreal. I'm watching and praying, and that's probably part of why I'm so exhausted. (The other being I've been burning the candle at both ends for weeks now.)

I do have a rooting interest in this, which hasn't particularly been the case for about a decade. Among other thoughts and feelings, I say it's surreal because I never thought I would type and re-type "2020 election results" in my google search bar repeatedly. Last election, I went to bed at a reasonable hour, reasoning, "I'll find out who is president in the morning." And I did. Not this time. It's the kind of thing where we might know as soon as tonight, or we may not know for another week. I've browsed previous election maps from all sorts of eras (although primarily sticking with the 20th and 21st centuries), and each time I feel that strong sense of "these are the results. This is final." So to look at the map now, current as of November 6th, 2020, three whole days after Election Tuesday, and it's still not final. It's like everything is hanging in the balance. Because, well, it is.

I heard it said during the campaign trail that "the soul of this country is at stake." I believe it. It is. I've long, long, long had this sense that this country, due to many many different factors, will collapse or be irrelevant during my lifetime. Deep down, I've never really wanted to believe it. I live here. I don't want to be in it when it happens. But also part of it is this deep sadness, upon reflecting on the history of how the US got started. Regardless of what you believe ("this is a Christian nation" or "this is not a Christian nation"), I expect you would have to agree that there was, at least at first, something special about this place. The thought of that specialness being gone in the future is not something I want to believe. But deep down I can't escape it.

So what do I do? First off, I tune out most of the noise. I was never much of a news-watcher or a news-reader, and while I pay a little more attention than I used to, fundamentally I don't plan on changing that. Just see/hear the headlines. And then immediately turn that over to God. Because 1.) I can't control it, and 2.) thinking/obsessing about it will only cause me extra anxiety, stress, and fear. I get enough of that simply by being triggered by things in my own personal life. I don't need extra.

Secondly, I focus on what's in front of me. Today, as it is Friday, and I finished my workweek, the rest of my day is going to be homework, a phone call in a few minutes, a nap (because I am way behind on sleep), dinner, more studying, a video call, more sleep, and then it'll be Saturday, with a whole new schedule.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34, NIV

Thirdly, and finally, I look at what kind of future I want and hope for. I'm old enough now that I'm kind of understanding that most plans I make (that aren't already set) don't happen or get completely changed. So I already expect that certain aspects of my desired future will indeed be there, but other aspects will not. And that's hard. Because on the one hand, it discourages me from even trying to plan. But on the other, if I don't plan, then no aspect of my desired future happens. It's a Catch-22. And because of the balance upon which all things are hanging here on earth at this point in time, it is indeed fruitless to try to dictate every aspect of a plan.

But until that future comes, it's one day at a time.

And one post at a time.