Revisiting my mission statement

I don't even know where to begin with this. I am in a much different place with the blog than I was a year ago. As I look at not only my mission statement, but also the things I listed that I would and would not do on the current re-start of this blog, I find myself wanting to write about things that I said that I would not use this blog to do, and not wanting to write about the things that I said I would use this blog to do.

Back in 2012 and 2013, what afforded me to step away was the fact that I had places to share my thoughts and my struggles, as well as my hopes and dreams, and that continuing to blog at that time was more detrimental than beneficial. There is a point where one's writing can become self-indulgent. And in the years leading up to my sabbatical, my overall writing certainly did become that.

I'm starting to recognize that writing -- the literary kind -- is one of my artistic giftings, along with music, drawing, and photography. It doesn't feel strange saying that now, knowing that I've done a lot of literary writing on the side as an adult (the world doesn't know about it yet -- shhhh!!). But it feels a bit strange when I reflect on my school years. Although I generally got good grades in most every class in the second half of my educational career, I wouldn't consider English class as one of my stronger classes. In high school, I regularly got C's on my papers. It wasn't until halfway through college, through one of my music history professors, that it finally clicked. Writing term papers finally made sense, thanks to this professor. It also helped that I took four semesters of musicology courses with her.

Early on in the relaunch of this blog last year, I received plenty of encouragement from my then-girlfriend to post devotionals and reflections around my faith. First, it was devotionals that I felt God using to minister to me during the Lenten season last year. Then, in May and June, when my church was going through our monthlong fast as we welcomed our new associate senior pastor, I was encouraged by her to rise up to the challenge of posting something of quality every day that also tied into my faith and reflecting either on scripture or on God in my life. At that point, it felt clear to me that perhaps the primary mission was to share Jesus in boldness and in truth. For that, I was perfectly willing to stash my mission statement, on account of God interrupting me and wanting to use my blog for His kingdom.

The last six months or so since have felt kind of like a wandering in the desert. The motivation for the next step that this blog was intended to lead towards has been dormant for quite some time. The vision isn't there. What then tends to happen is I'll find a substitute. Usually that means talking about myself. Which is ok as long as I'm sharing something about myself that points to or highlights something about Jesus that might not otherwise get noticed by a potential reader or follower.

It's a quandary. Life is on the move again. Has been since last summer. Hasn't really stopped, except for little pauses here and there. Kinda like the pillar of smoke that led the Israelites in the desert en route to the land of Canaan from Egypt--the long way.

So my mission statement is kind of on hiatus. I haven't really gotten a sense from God to completely stop blogging. But I also don't want to turn this into a public personal diary.

How then to glorify God with this blog and in my life when it has become obvious to me that I don't want to die to myself? Is that even possible?