Phase 2: I have an idea but still praying on it. I was inspired by Saturday's great weather to set aside a few days next week for the beginning of July to go to the beach and read (something I never do!), but I'm only really inspired to do that if the weather is good. Going out there in a rainstorm isn't exactly my cup of tea.
Speaking of rainstorms, we had one come through the area this afternoon, right as I was doing grocery shopping. Below is a pic I took right in front of the store before it passed through:
What is remarkable in this picture is that there is blue sky already visible from the other side of the storm, even before it hit us. And as you can see, the sun is already peeking out and shining on those clouds, from the other side of the storm. I don't know about you, but I've never seen that before, and I'm someone who pays attention to thunderstorms (safely, of course).
Today was a rough day in my prayer life. I had a series of arguments with God, primarily about certain circumstances being the way they are, and why some circumstances aren't the way I want them to be. I received some challenges, primarily through a couple messages on Christian radio, regarding my thinking on how I've always thought life "should" be. I'm still sitting with it.
I've begun to wonder again why it is so easy for me to quarrel with God, as if it's my first response, rather than to submit my prayers and petitions in a manner that indicates that I trust Him to take care of the issue. I've connected to the idea of perhaps being like Jacob or even Cain, but something else struck me deeper:
A sermon my girlfriend heard at her church about a month ago included a story of a 4-year-old boy who'd just gotten a baby brother asking his parents to have a few moments alone with the newborn. Naturally skeptical and concerned, the parents decided to acquiesce to his wishes, but stayed close, out of sight but not out of earshot. What the 4-year-old said to his few-days-old brother stunned the parents: "Quick! Tell me where you came from! Tell me who you are! I'm beginning to forget."
It opens the door to the possibility that perhaps when we all were born, we knew exactly who we are to God, and who we are in Christ. (Relax: original sin is still in play. I got it.) But as we grew from a newborn to a toddler to a child, somewhere along the way we all forgot, some of us forever. But I think about my journey, and how, at a very young age, some things happened that never were reconciled, and how at that age I took my experience with what little I had and turned it into a lifelong obsession to desire the "good life" that I saw so many of my peers growing up in. I suspect that I must have still been young enough to know that I could talk to God about anything, but my ability to trust Him, if I had any left, was gone by then. I cannot say for certain that this is the truth, but it's worth pondering. It would explain my compulsive quarreling thoughts.
Changes are here, and changes are yet to come. My thought life, when it is not at peace, is filled with questions, doubts, disbeliefs, and fears. Every day. I believe God gave me also an illustration of how I still see things, even with the tiny patch of blue sky and sunlight shining on the clouds on the back side of the story.
By the way, it really was not quite as dark outside as this photo makes it appear. Hmmm...
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