I came across a comic strip called “Jim’s Journal” ["http://www.gocomics.com/jimsjournal"] on comics.com today. It’s not all that funny (there were a few strips that made me chuckle); it’s more of a non-sequitur story that is better appreciated over the long run. It’s essentially what the title says: a daily journal of a young schmoe who finishes high school, enters college, and is seemingly content with doing nothing.
This strip reminds me of two topics in my life: firstly, it reminds me of back when I was transitioning from high school to college. There are movies, TV shows, books, and other forms of media that hype this transition. "Going to college is such a big thing! You’re done with childhood, and you’re finally an adult!" …well, sort of. Truth be told, I’m not entirely sure what all the fanfare goes into this “rite of passage:” packing, loading the car, saying goodbye to your folks, moving into your dorm room, and then settling with a whole host of brand-new people in your community.
The so-called “rite of passage” didn’t feel like anything when I made the transition. I’m in college. Big whoop. The biggest thing for me was re-living what I’d already gone through when I moved to New York to start the fifth grade. I still remember the first day after Mom and Kate moved my stuff into my room in Kittelsby Hall and then left. It was sort of like St. Thomas but sort of not. I was on my own again, but this time the schedule was a lot more relaxed (I actually got to decide how to spend my time!), and the school was co-ed (St. Thomas is not).
That’s about it, though. The entire first semester had a true sense of a fresh start. It would be wrong for me to say I tired of everyone back in Chicago, but I had long been ready to turn the page on that chapter. I wasn’t going to get closer or deeper with anyone than I already was. I wasn’t going to break out of my shell, and certain things weren’t going to happen the way I wanted them to. I had maxxed out whatever potential I was going to max out. Going to college, while fresh, exciting, and scary, gave me that chance to not have to think about anything, or deal with anything. I could enjoy the fact that for a short while, no one knew me, and therefore not think of me as low as I was sure everyone else from the previous chapter had. It truly was a clean slate.
Secondly, the strip took me back to the days when I was content to just do nothing and be nothing. Because of all the negative experiences in school growing up (there were a lot of positive experiences, too, but I’d shut them out, thanks to the “throwing out the baby with the bathwater” mentality), my happiest place was at home, alone, inside my own head (OK, check that: hanging out with Chris). I didn’t have to deal with trying to protect myself on a constant basis from both things that were indeed bad for me as well as things I’d wrongly perceived as bad. I loved weekends, breaks, and summer vacations because it meant I didn’t have to do anything. I had all the time in the world to myself, and doggone it, I owned it!
Sometime during college, that changed. Even though I didn’t – couldn’t – fully understand what it was, there was a deep desire for something greater than what I was experiencing. I wanted to hang out, be social, get to really know people. And with a plethora of folks my age (give or take 2-3 years), college was a prime example. All my peers were the most mature of that I’d seen to date.
It’s been a slow and painstaking climb out of that place of wanting absolutely nothing with the world. I currently have a busy life, and in spite of the fatigue I battle more often than not, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m living! But every time I see a strip like “Jim’s Journal,” I am reminded of where I came from. It’s so easy to slip right back, if the right trigger (or series thereof) came along.
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