New York: Credits and emotions

 

A few days before I flew out to Newark, New Jersey on Friday, I emailed God asking him what he wanted this weekend to be for me. I had been worrying that old pains and triggers would come up (I was visiting some people I hadn't seen in a long time, some of whom had intersected my life in a way that wasn't good for me back in the day), and even if they didn't come up where I'd expected them to come, I feared they would show up in other ways and other places.

 

A few weeks ago (now that I think about it, it was about a month ago), I received prayer for peace. I have it tonight, and I feel that for the most part I had it while I was out East. I needed it. I needed to know that I could hang out with someone who used to terrorize me and not only be ok with it but actually enjoy it, too. I needed to know that I could hang out with another person, have a deep and satisfying conversation (deep perhaps for the first time), and not have my heart yanked in a direction that isn't good for it. And I needed to know that I could still find a way to do God's work for yet someone else, brokenness be damned.

 

I suppose I could share a quick list of all the people I ran into over the course of the weekend (Tom, Hank, Robyn, Gerry, Sam, David, Dan, Nate, Stephen, Geoff, Andrew, Nancy, Marianne, Toni, Amanda, Pat, and about 3-4 people whose names I don't know); it's always nice to run into people that I know or used to know. But I couldn't have more fully experienced the peace God wanted me to have without Matt, Stephanie, and Mitch. ... I miss you guys already.

 

It's weird; just about every time I've flown from New York to Chicago I've been excited to come to the Midwest. Yesterday, I was bummed. I mean, the length of the trip was about right for me, but I wasn't expecting this sensation to hit me. I guess it's all about the situation: back in the day, I lived in New York, and Chicago was someplace I visited; now I live in Chicago and visit New York.

 

I have a tendency to then lapse into a tangent about what I'm feeling about something else, but I think I am going to try and choose to sit with this. It was a good trip, and I'm glad I went. I gotta try and learn how to sit with this Peace.

 

Postscript: I need to more fully delve into Romans 8. I got a tip that it in itself has potential to pierce me, and I've already read through it once since my return, but I feel that I need to spend some more time with it.