Trying to stand and surrender

Hillsong United Lyrics - The Stand  [“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN1JyZ5yvE0&feature=related”]

You stood before creation

Eternity within Your hand

You spoke the earth into motion

My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure

Carried the Cross for my shame

My sin weighed upon Your shoulders

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation

Your Spirit alive in me

This life to declare Your promise

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I'll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours

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I played keys with the worship band this morning. The above song was one of the songs we played. During the second service we got through the climax (So I'll stand with arms high...) and I had this burning need to do it again. God gave words to one of the assistant singers that we all needed to sing it again. The Holy Ghost really was working. After this song (it was the last before the message) I needed some time to just decompress. I'm still kinda dazed. I feel I blew an opportunity to do something I wanted earlier in the morning, and I was rather defeated going into the second service because of it. I'm still dazed, probably because of some kind of warfare or tension going on. Usually when the Holy Spirit touches people they really feel emotional. I didn't; I felt the physical presence and a basic need, but I also felt like something was lacking on my part. Steve also delivered a wonderful sermon about doubting God's love (i.e. it comes from believing lies). It was powerful enough that I wanted to go receive prayer, but it was the kind of thing where I couldn't quite solicit it (too time-consuming? I had other things I needed to do today; also, complete stranger vs. friend, etc)

So I'm listening to this song until I get sick of it to make up for the lack of prayer, and when that happens I can go join some friends and play some frisbee (or at least hang out on the beach). Hopefully they'll still be there whenever I go.

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I think I'm now gonna end the strict part of my blog-fast (and maybe facebook-fast). I'm at the point where the need to share and reach out outweighs the discipline of fasting from internet social sites.