Over the last couple months I've been saying to myself and to friends that "I'm at the end of the line, I might be leaving very soon if I don't find work." Well, it appears that time has come. Now, I'm not all that crazy about Minnesota winters, so on the one hand I wouldn't mind being somewhere warmer, even if it's only slightly warmer. I would also get to spend the 25th with my folks (weather permitting).
Outside of that, though, it seems unfair that I'm leaving a place where I'm just now realizing the roots I seem to have laid. Back on Friday I went to my choir's holiday party at one member's house, and amid the food, fellowship, singing, and a intense game of Catchphrase, it seemed I had successfully managed to blend socially with the group (if you know me, normally something like that would be an intense challenge). Towards the end of the night, several choir members somehow learned that I wasn't going to be back in January due to my situation, and we probably spent half an hour right at the end trying to figure out where there might be openings. All this time I'd known I wasn't really planning on staying in Northfield too long, and yet I've managed to make somewhat of a home with a chunk of the population here. I kinda want to leave, but I also don't want to have to start all over again re-laying roots. I don't know what to make of it; I really don't. But I imagine that's normal when things are in flux (and/or have been in flux for quite some time).
Basically my plan for Chicago is this: ride the winter out (did I mention I'm not a fan of winter?), study for and take the GRE, and then aim at returning to Minnesota (Northfield or Twin Cities) sometime during the spring. In other words, it would seem I need to be as deliberate as I can in not laying roots in Chicago, because it would cause undue pressure when I try to return to the place(s) where I do have roots -- something about people wanting me to not leave, something with which my conscience is struggling. My first challenge, as I see it, would be the choir get-together some of my ex-St. Luke's friends/acquaintances have been organizing. I know of a couple friends that are going, and because of them naturally I would be inclined to go as well: however, other people that I haven't talked to in years will also be going; and it would be quite awkward to go with the self-knowledge that I'm actually here for a while and not just on break.
[Postscript: There's more garbage coming from this coconut than I'm letting on in this post, but I'll leave them for now, and possibly bring them back sometime later. See ya on the other side.]
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