A plea for re-examination of athletes as role models, and for unity in unions

--Appetizer

The wind's really blowing out there. Had quite a payload of snow dropped through all of yesterday and yesterday night. Sometime between now and sundown I'm going to take advantage of the white presence and go make something with it. It's funny, I've lived my whole life in a place where snow is expected every winter, and yet I still haven't made a snowman or a snow fort (OK, a college friend of mine also commented the same thing a few years back with the same amount of emphasis, but she's from California, so she gets excused for that one: I don't). Also checked the TV channels; many schools are taking today off. If memory serves, the same thing happened exactly a year ago today, because it would explain why I posted ["http://amidthenoiseandhaste2.blogspot.com/2008/12/off-day.html"] about Rod Blagojevich's arrest during school hours. Freaky, this calendrical symmetry; very freaky.

--Salad

By now Tiger Woods' car crash and leaks about his adulterous life are old news. I must first say it's sad that the topics I'm about to dish out are the first I will have ever talked about Woods. No mention of his 14 PGA grand slam titles. No mention of his endorsements. Nope; we gotta go straight to the stuff that covers the tabloids. Not only did he get cited for crashing his vehicle into a tree at around 2:30 in the morning, but somehow his wife gets ahold of his cell phone, which leads Woods to call his mistress (or one of many) and tell her to get her name off her phone so his wife wouldn't find out. Eventually, he half-admits it to the public (admits his "transgressions"), without going into any particulars, instead pleading for privacy on the matter.

Brief reflections on the matter before the entrée: Woods becomes the latest examples of athlete role models gone bad, or perhaps he's a human who's finally had his mortal weaknesses exposed. In the long line of athletes' shortcomings, Magic Johnson contracted HIV, Michael Jordan gambled, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa (among hundreds of others) took PEDs, LeBron James and Adrian Peterson got caught driving 100+ mph on a highway... the list goes on and on. A question I will address is the issue of holding celebrities and athletes as reliable role models. Another question I will address is the potential loss of marriage's sanctity, thanks to a phone conversation I had last week with a friend concerned about said issue.

--Entrée

It's not hard to hold professional athletes high. Starting with Jordan, they endorsed all sorts of products and put their names out into the public. Essentially, they're saying: "Hey, I'm LeBron James! You might know me... I play some damn good basketball. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I think "Gatorade" tastes good... so if you ever want something to drink, I'd recommend that." But also, there have been countless sports metaphors that people latch on to for real life, whether it's related to their own work, or raising kids, or other stuff like that. It's even better when said great athlete plays for your team, wins championships for your city (thanks, Mike), and fills you with happiness when seemingly just about everything else would send you into despair (thanks, city of Chicago).

Where we err, is placing athletes at some "god-like" status. The problem is, they're human, and as Woods, Jordan, and James proved, some of them are still going to commit adultery, gamble compulsively, and speed. These are "transgressions" (to borrow Woods' term) that many Joe Schmoes fall to every day. There's nothing wrong with looking at what drives them to succeed in their line of work to motivate ourselves or others around us; there's everything wrong with expecting them to, well, not be human. I mean, aside from the few example I've listed a few paragraphs back, celebrities falling to temptation and getting caught doing stupid things seems to be the norm. The events with the Woods family over the last couple weeks is merely another example of it. On the one hand it's surprising, because up until last month Woods has appeared to be a model citizen; on the other hand it isn't surprising at all, because with more stories of athletes and celebrities falling to bad habits, it's almost as if we expect the best to fail (the recent steroid mess in baseball in my opinion having played a large role).

I used to idolize Jordan and Sosa as a kid. The way they performed amazed me; I often dreamed of being an NBA player myself, and by high school I had the Sosa batting routine act down pat. But over the years I found myself re-examining these idolatries. Part of it had to do with my faith/spiritual journey that became thrust on me, but part of it also had to do with Jordan retiring, and with Sosa committing acts of selfishness (his leaving early on the last day of the 2004 season still grates at me).

Now, if you were to ask who I consider my heroes these days, I'd list Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Richard Webster (my first choir director), and Greg Maddux. Now, that list isn't exhaustive, but you'll notice I only have one professional athlete on this list (and he's retired). Essentially the first three stood up against injustices they faced in their lives... and Maddux; well, he had an approach to pitching that I believe no one will ever match. I consider Maddux a hero solely for said approach. [I hear he also has a clean record, not just in his work, but also in his life, which always helps.]

I must get to the second point, the one my friend had more of an issue dealing with: adultery. Yes, Tiger Woods fell to it. Yes, he has a really attractive wife, and it boggles the minds of a decent chunk of the population as to why he would cheat on his attractive wife with others, and why he would do so for a few years (as opposed to merely a few times).

More importantly, it brings to light a larger issue: the crumbling of marriage as an institution. I still get riled up when people say gay marriage is what's damaging marriage. Divorce... you're getting closer. Truth is, impulsive marriages are the primary culprit. Most divorces don't happen without them. Of course, each and every relationship is different in nature, but in each there is a common development, a common growth and/or decline. I agree with the wisdom of taking time with a relationship to get to know one's partner and seeing where it might go before making any kind of commitment. Getting married six months after meeting someone for the first time is by far not enough time to get to really know the person and know how the two... work together (for lack of a better term).

Another point I had made to my friend during this conversation was the issue of how people approach relationships and their different stages -- i.e. "just" a relationship, engagement, marriage. [Granted, I don't have a lot of knowledge in this field, so bear with me as I spout out my theories.] Back in the day (a couple generations ago) when marriages tended to last longer, people approached the beginnings of a relationship with a focus on the long term. When they were in the "just a relationship" stage, one might assume they were already putting the idea of commitment and monogamy into practice, so that by the time the actual status of "marriage" were to arrive, these values would already be ingrained in each partner. Nowadays, it seems the rules (as they were) are much more relaxed; as I understand it [and remember, my understanding is a bit limited] most relationships tend to be more experimental, experiential (granted, I wouldn't be surprised if TV was a culprit). Consequently, said couples would be less likely to practice commitment, their bond towards each other weaker, ready to rip apart at the first sign of monetary or other outside problems.

So, with less time spent together before the date of commitment, the partners don't learn how to be faithful and really care for each other, and consequently it's much more likely that the marriage will crumble and they will need to split in order to maintain what remains of their sanity. I don't know much about relationships, but I do know it's a two-way street; and in order to learn the nature of this particular two-way street, it's imperative to take the time to get to know one's partner, his/her strengths and weaknesses, and how each can satisfy the other's needs. In a word, one must attune himself/herself to his/her partner; after all, marriage is supposed to be a union, not a bi- uh, partisan thing. Not a, "I need to figure out how to satisfy myself without asking my partner for help" type of mindset. DUH! That's what the partner's for! (And if said partner refuses, then the burden of proof is on him/her.)

--Dessert/Postscript

OK, that was a bit longer than I would have liked. Aside from the fact that I didn't feel the most comfortable spilling out my views on relationships (part of it is said views are still developing), I think I was holding something back, and decided to talk my way around it before finally getting to my point by the end. In a larger sense, I've kind of forgotten how to be concise. Maybe I'll remember someday. In the meantime, I've got snow to move around and/or mold into some type of sculpture.