Reality bites

So I'm having some difficulty motivating myself to come up with sketches for a percussion piece. Even though I've never written strictly for drums, et al., 'twas I and I only who decided to pursue this. Since I'm taking percussion class this semester it was an excellent chance to give this a shot as I'm learning about technique for these particular instruments. So what's keeping me from taking action?

I did push myself quite a bit in the weeks coming into my recital, which now seems like a long time ago. As a result, when I finally had that chance to exhale I probably exhaled too much (not to mention have been weaving in and out of health since then) and simply have not been motivated to do very much. I mean, I pretty much just have to pass all my classes and then get up there and collect a not-so-random sheet of paper with my name on it that says I did well enough and completed enough requirements for something to have the *ahem* privilege of not needing to pay tuition anymore (yeah, that would be my diploma, for those of you missing the dry words). And because of that, it finally and officially hit me that, darn, I'm practically in complete charge of my life.

(There are, of course, the obvious societal limitations, but I don't really think of them as such.)

Over the last few years I've always had something to do of a specific semblance, whether it was doing work for school till school was complete, or singing in choirs, or other related stuff. But now, I'm not really made to do anything anymore. Some people would treat this like the single happiest event in their life, but I'm not exactly following suit. Yes, I want to live and to enjoy life, but the structure that was always there will soon be gone. I was actually posed this very particular question twice over the last 24 hours, what are you doing this summer?, and both of my friends who asked this were very well aware of the fact that I will be done with school. I got offered to stay in a friend's home basement in Northfield for the summer. The rent is not bad, but given that I need to be looking for longer-term work, finding a job specifically for the summer might be counterintuitive to said goal (especially since my assets are in music). The point is, I want structure. Nay, I crave it, if for no other reason than the greatest periods of my life (i.e. more than just a single event) have occurred when I've had the greatest structure (not to be confused with greatest workload).

I will be spending next week working on the Ole Spring Relief trip down in Biloxi, MS for my spring break. My days will be packed literally from 6 AM to 6 PM helping rebuild buildings and lives in the deep South region where Hurricane Katrina hit a little over 2 1/2 years ago. As a result I will be working in a heavily structured environment. While some of the stuff that will happen looks kind of daunting right now, I know it'll be just fine once I get into the swing of things. Of course, a side effect is that, after tomorrow I won't be online to write any more posts for a little over a week (assuming, of course, that I post tomorrow). But I will be one with nature, one with a whole bunch of people that I will be meeting for the first time (both Oles and locals), and it will be a chance to take in something under a friendly structure that someone else provided.

When I return from spring break, I'll have my Alice paper(s) and finals, but then the road of familiarity ends once again. After that point, someone's gonna have to pave the thing, because it's never been paved before. I just hope there's a layer or two of concrete under there before they put the asphalt on top; otherwise the new road will crumble pretty quickly.