Yesterday I went to a place called "Lani Land", a place that St. Olaf spiritual groups go to for retreats. Situated about 5-10 miles south of Northfield, it's a plot of farm/woodland with a pond owned by Lon, who set the place up specifically for these retreats. Lon had been seriously injured very many years ago, to the point that he might not have lived. However, not only did he survive, but he got worker's comp as a result, and spent it on a plot of land that he would fix up to be a place of fun and worship. Historically I've gone down there with FCA, but this year Thursday Night Bible Study decided to take charge in these trips (it helps that Dave-O, the TNBS leader, is close friends with Lon).
Yesterday was full of broomball, ping-pong, prayer/discussion sessions, and group bonding specifically for glorifying God (it was a men's retreat). It was mostly an up-and-down day where I felt tested by Him in some way or another. Towards the end of the first round of broomball, my team was suffering through the second straight defeat and after I had missed a penalty shot that my team needed in order to stay alive, I tossed my stick to the side of the rink. Right afterwards we had headed inside we watched a video on the "four faces on manhood" (whatever that was) and engaged in small group discussions about how they apply to us. After a while my group went from discussing the aforementioned subject to how they deal with struggles in their relationships and how they have to keep talking about God and how He affects their lives. I couldn't really join the discussion myself because I've never had a girlfriend, but I kind of enjoyed listening in because they had talked about the necessity of God's presence for keeping their relationships strong (or mending in times of weakness, etc).
In spite of having some early struggles in the day, I was caught up in the positive vibe that emanated from everyone in the group. Aside from Lon and Dave-O, I got to meet a few new people, and re-connect with some old friends Nick and Jake (and Tex, Steven and Chandler stopped by for a bit), and it helped turn my disgruntled state of being into something much more positive. I had no idea how spiritual/religious one of the guys in my group I had known since early freshman year was until yesterday. I kind of felt bad when I found out Paul had only been a part of the group only recently because he hadn't known about it. He had been "on the jock floor of Hoyme," which wasn't necessarily unlike my floor in Kitt (it wasn't jock, but full of non-spiritual people), but somehow I knew about FCA midway through first year whereas it took him till soph year to realize that these groups actually existed at Olaf.
The end of night was probably the most uplifting for me. After my team, previously 0-2 in the "season," turned it around and won the playoffs in an utterly unlikely fashion (basically Dave-O just told me to play defense full-time instead of occasionally wandering up the ice to help on offense), we went in for the final worship service. While we were singing and praying I had closed my eyes and was looking upward. And almost immediately I started seeing something being etched in my vision behind closed eyelids. Unfortunately I didn't allow enough time for the message to come through, but I'm convinced that God was trying to help me and tell me to do something that would be wonderful. I'm not sure what the message was, but I'm sure it said something like "Love," followed by a several vague letters. I think He was trying to tell me to maybe be there for someone or help. I know from a previous TNBS meeting the speaker explained to us that one way that God answers people's prayers is that He sends other people as messengers, and I think that He was trying to use me as a messenger of some sort.
Anyway, the vision (however aborted as it was) triggered memories of what happened to me in the same room about two years ago. It was my first time to Lani Land, and I just started going to FCA. It was another retreat, very much similar to this one (the lone exception being that it was co-ed), and at the end of the evening we had a two-hour worship service. I didn't know any of the songs, but it was still a new experience for me, and looking around I was seeing the positive spiritual vibe that was present in the room. I started closing my eyes, and lo and behold I saw kind of a glowing circle with a vague vision of a face. It took me a few seconds, but I deduced that the image of God had appeared right on the backs of my eyelids. When I realized it I was pretty amazed. After all, I had spent about a year away from church due to some unfortunate circumstances. Soon after I saw the image (it was kind of cloudy so I couldn't see any facial features) He started clapping in rhythm with the song that everyone around me was currently singing, so I imitated it. And then soon after the image kind of disappeared, and something else had just occurred to me. Knowing the state of my spirituality at that point, God was telling me to talk to a trusted friend about the joys of knowing Him. I wasn't sure who to talk to, but then a name was etched in the same spot behind my closed eyelids that God's image previously appeared.
The exact details of the event just described are a little hazy, since it has been two years, but I remember later feeling compelled to step up in front of the throng of worshippers and talk about... something... The worship service consisted of singing and various random people getting up and speaking about God influenced their lives, or talking about a particular Bible verse and relating it to themselves. So I tried to base it off of the same kinds of ideas that they expressed. But the other key thing was to talk to a friend, which I foolishly would delay till much, much later.<br /><br />So anyway, that's probably why I always seem to go through some spiritual struggle and some form of triumph every time I go to Lani Land. Technically the place doesn't really have all that many activities to do, but the way I think of the place focuses more on the vibe of the group and the fellowship that I share with the other people who go there for the retreats.
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